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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

make up for kids

65 replies

knickerelasticjones · 28/02/2010 19:56

DDs birthday recently - and she was given TWO make-up kits. She's 5.

Seriously.

I'm horrified (and the kits are in the bin - sorry people who gave them to her, generosity appreciated etc. but no way is she having them)

AIBU?

OP posts:

Portofino · 28/02/2010 20:35

My dd (nearly 6) loves nail varnish and lip gloss. I don't wear much make up myself, so I don't know where it comes from. I'm definitely in the dress up vs titilation camp. It's a girl thing imho, I don't see why you need to get stressed out about it.

Portofino · 28/02/2010 20:37

Amd there is a huge difference between say a Hello Kitty lipgloss and Playboy thong!

Original poster

knickerelasticjones · 28/02/2010 20:40

If you don't think make up is sexual then you clearly need to read a bit more feminist literature. Or perhaps some Desmond Morris.

Anyway I can't write any more as I'm too tired so we will have to agree to disagree, if that's ok.

I'm off to burn my bra......

OP posts:

MrsGravy · 28/02/2010 20:45

I don't see anything wrong with little kids playing with make up myself. DD got given some for her 5th birthday, for a few days (until the novelty wore off) she and her 3 yo brother enjoyed daubing each other and me in it. I think those who are talking about play boy thongs and sexualisation are waaaay over thinking it. It's like paint/crayon/pencils/chalk - it's just another way of 'colouring' but with a far more interesting canvas. I don't wear make up very often myself and don't want my DD to grow up too quickly - she doesn't watch Hannah Montana/HSM or any of that kind of thing, she doesn't do Hip Hop dancing like many of her friends and very much dresses like a little girl still. No-one is trying to make her look grown up or sexual - she's just dressing up and playing with colours.

HOWEVER, YANBU in the sense that you're the mum, you make the boundaries. If you're not happy with something then you are within your rights to take it away.

onebadbaby · 28/02/2010 20:48

Just because feminist literature holds that point of view, doesn't necessarily mean that it is wrong or inappropriate when my LO puts on a little lipstick because she wants to play at being mummy.

Pozzled · 28/02/2010 20:50

YANBU. I agree that make-up doesn't have to be sexual, but as someone said it is about 'making yourself look better'. I don't think young girls need to be made any more aware of how they look and how they are 'expected' to look.

mememe30 · 28/02/2010 20:50

You are in your right to take it away but I bloody hope you didn't throw it in the bin. Give unwanted presents to a charity shop so someone else (who is less uptight) can enjoy them. Some children have nothing!!!

scottishmummy · 28/02/2010 20:58

i think the poor and impoverished can cope without makeup.they genuinely dont need that kind of cast off

missmoopy · 28/02/2010 20:58

I would not buy dd (5) make up but if it was given as a present I would let her use it as part of dressing up. To overly sexualise everything children do is to place OUR beliefs on them. Children like to play, and part of playing is practising to be a grown up. Children aren't interested in make up for anything other than daubing themselves in it like face paint. i agree the words on the packaging are inappropriate and I would simply put a sticker over them or take off the lids etc.
I would never let her leave the house wearing make up but i think it is the same as her clip clopping around the house in my heels, or dressing as a vet...it is make believe. I am a feminist and would like to point out that not all feminists are anti make up. I am all about my daughter having a childhood, wher she is safe to experiment and play without neurotic adult values getting in the way of her innocence.

Lucyellensmumma · 28/02/2010 21:01

well today i am modelling a lurid purple nail varnish on one hand, silvery gltter on the other - DD (4) has silver glitter with some little stickers on. I never wear make up and DD doesn't have any - we had just had a bath and i remembered that she had some glittery nail varnish for xmas. It was really nice, she is being a little bugger recently, so it was nice to have some quiet mummy and DD time, just on the spur of the moment - wheres the harm in that? Am i worried that some judgey mother at the school gate will think she looks chavvy? um,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,nup!

I don't however, like to see young children in make up - make up is about making older women look younger, children simply dont need it

Portofino · 28/02/2010 21:03

Little children, particularly girls, play at being grown up from a young age. Play kitchens, tea sets, dress up stuff, dollies etc etc.

Look at the toys that are available. Trollies with food, cash tills, toy appliances. Are we saying that all these thing make dcs grow up too early?

No, they are tools that help them learn and get used to the big, bad world. Make up to me is an extension of this.

In the African museum in Brussels they have a couple of glass cases of toys collected in the Belgian Congo a 100 odd years ago. In essence, they were the same - dolls, pots and pans, masks, dolls houses even.

OK, so they didn't have lip gloss, but I bet the children aped the dress code etc of their parents even then.

MillyR · 28/02/2010 21:04

Desmond Morris is quite anti-feminist really. His books were popular in the sixties, but are not really reflective of zoology and anthropology, either now or then.

yellowcircle · 28/02/2010 21:05

it is inappropriate to give make up to someone else's 5 year old

make up is OK for dressup, in the same way that facepaint is

next time, put in charity shop as opposed to bin - perhaps someone with an older child could buy it

i dread my DD getting older sometimes (she's only 1 atm)!

Mumcentreplus · 28/02/2010 21:11

yabu...its kids make-up...my DDs love to dress up put on some dodgy eyeshadow (usually blue or green) and lip gloss/glitter (so irritating..gets everwhere)/wear my boots etc..they ask me 'mummy do i look pretty?'..I say yes of course..but you look even more beautiful without it..to deny something is to make it all the more alluring imo

I'm not a make-up wearer myself..only a bit of lip-gloss and eye-liner at a push I can count on one hand how many times I have had a full face of make-up on!

its part of growing up...if your child would not leave the house without make-up..now thats a different story!

Bonbonbon · 28/02/2010 21:11

I don't like the idea of it. Too looks-centric/image-conscious.
I believe other areas of interest should be stimulated instead of 'how I look'. And agree with Tabitha about the sexual stereotyping. Boys don't get make-up as presents. They get fun interesting stuff like science kits or nerf-balls ro whatever. Something to stimulate their minds or bodies.

nighbynight · 28/02/2010 21:27

I dont like it - it is encouraging girls from a very young age to think that decorating themselves is important. Boys arent given this stupid message, and why should they be?

YANBU.

scottishmummy · 28/02/2010 21:33

no issue with spontaneous play with make up,but purchasing a specific make up kit is icky

onebadbaby · 28/02/2010 21:39

Maybe boys are not encouraged to wear make up, but I bet most boys have pretended to shave like daddy, or wear 'cool' shades etc and there are many toys which boys have which may be considered inappropriate and put pressure on them t be 'the tough guy'.

onebadbaby · 28/02/2010 21:41

The difference between playing with my make up and her own is that kids make up is washable and cleans off skin and clothes easily.

TottWriter · 28/02/2010 21:45

I think that's a bit of an overraction on your part. Goodness, I can remember having a play make-up set which my baby brother got hold of, and he had a fantastic time daubing himself in all the brightly coloured stuff - completely trashed the set mind, but he had fun with it, and my mum washed it off. End of. He was about four at the time, so it meant nothing to him other than having a bit of fun painting his face. And he can't have been copying my mum as she only ever wore lipstick and mascara. The only one who lost out was me, because I no longer had my play make up (which I would never have been allowed to wear out of the house, and I was ten at the time).

There's also the fact that you're giving her the impression that if mummy doesn't like something, mummy simply dismisses it and throws it away. Yes, you need to set boundaries now, she's only 5, but you are setting a precedent for controlling what she thinks and does by your actions. If she knows that you will simply dismiss things out of hand if you don't approve, how will she trust you with her problems when she's older? Especially if you react like this over something so trivial. More importantly, when do you step away and let her decide for herself what she does and doesn't like? She might have hated putting the make up on and ignored the sets, but now they have the allure of the forbidden.

And the reason I mention this as a slightly overbearing precedent is that my mother had a tendency to simply remove things she didn't approve of or see the point in. She was so firm about it and so unrelenting that I have never felt comfortable talking to her about my personal opinions or problems. I felt I knew without asking what she would say on the matter, so didn't bother, and muddled by on my own instead. She was always saying I could tell her anything, but her actions led me to believe I would never get a balanced opinion.

angel886 · 28/02/2010 21:58

yanbu

I don't like to see young kids wearing make-up. Nail stickers or face paints are fine but not actual make-up.

minxofmancunia · 28/02/2010 22:07

YABU, dd is 3.5 and has a play make-up kit which she uses in creative dress up play. She watches is rapt fascination every day as I put my make-up on. She loves it. She doesn't wear it out of the house it's just for fun.

I suppose I love make-up, I wear it everyday, I'm quite "glam" it's just who i am, don't wear make-up for sexual reasons just because I enjoy it and it makes me feel good.

onebadbaby · 28/02/2010 22:17

Cue feminists to tell you you are wearing make up because of some deep seated insecurities about your looks thrust upon you from a society which upholds women as objects of sexual desire. You can't possibly have made the choice yourself!

hester · 28/02/2010 22:27

I would never buy make-up for my dd, but if she was given some I'd probably let her play with it. However, I do find it strange that some parents see it as an appropriate present for other people's kids. It's like giving a toy gun or a selection pack of FruitShoots - one of those things you know other parents may not welcome, so you just steer clear of.

piscesmoon · 28/02/2010 22:29

It makes me glad I have boys. I hate to see it on young girls-unless they are dressing up and play acting.

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