to expect my husband to answer me when I talk to him?

[Irishchic]

He does this all the time...I'll say something, not necessarily a question, and he won't respond/answer so then I dont know if he has heard me.
So I will say, did you hear what I said, and he'll go "yeah" and look at me as if I am being unreasonable.
But I think it's rude. And I genuinely have to ask because I dont know if its just that he hasnt heard me, and if i need to repeat it.
9 times out of 10 it's just becuase he cant be bothered to respond.
Today for eg, he's about to take 4 dc's out to visit his aunt. I've a big bag of empty bottles in the passenger seat so I tell him that they are there because I wouldnt want any of the dc's in that seat or they will be mucking with them.
He doesnt respond. So I go, did you hear me, and he looks at me, frowninig, exasperrated and goes yes, I did get that you know.

Then why not just BLOODY ANSWER ME in the first place!!! I didnt say that, just thought it btw.

Dp always answers me, having not listened - and then denies any knowledge of it later.

YANBU - i think it is a man thing.

Of course if they say something to you, you must respond immediately

It pisses me off. At least an automatic answer acknowledges that you've said something as opposed to just ignoring me, which I find very undermining. Or something..

Happens a lot in this house. Both dh and dd do it. Drives me bonkers.

Mine does that. Its been a major problem for me but he doesn't really care what I'm saying. Of course I've just asked him to move out, so I'm not going to be very kindly disposed towards him at the moment.

Its just damned rude if you ask me.

YANBU

I'm going to start doing it to him, and see how he likes it.

Immature I know, but there you go!

My dh asks me a question, then wanders off before I get a chance to answer. Then he will ask me the same question again, and sometimes I refuse to tell him the answer.

DH does this a lot.

I always start saying something about getting naked to see if he is really listening or not. I actually stripped before he even realized what was going on once and since then he has been really good about looking at me when I talk and responding in case he misses something again lol

I will also say that I can talk to the wall any time I want but a conversation takes two people. He seems to get he point then too.

It also backfires a bit when I say 'What did I just say??' and he says it all word for word. I then feel like an idiot but still want to punch him as he could have said 'ok' or even a grunt would have worked for me! lol

Sorry DD1 spilled water on keyboard so some letters don't work. As a result I have to use keyboard and on screen keyboard for missing letters! Easy to miss out some so sorry again for all my mistakes lol

dh does this, drives me crazy.

Oh yes selective hearing. My DH always hears me say "Fancy a coffee/bar of chocolate/curry tonight?" etc, but most other things go unanswered. Kids are the same. I just walk around in a bubble most of the time.

I once asked a friend's DH (who apparently is the same as my DH) why they do this and he said "because you (ie all women) are always talking and most of it is prattle and we have to filter out the worthwhile stuff".

Cheeky git!

mine does that too

mine does this, but swears he has responded, even when ive been looking right at his face, nothing has moved, no words come out, but yet he swears to god he's replyed to my question/statement!

drives me insane!
i just say to him, why would i ask you to repeat a simple answer when you've already replied!? doesn't make sense does it?!

he must think the response and not say it lol

Mine does this and then says, "It wasn't a direct question, so it doesn't need an answer."

releasethehounds: Yeah my DH used to claim that he just needed to sample bits of the conversation to get the general drift. Grr! I soon made my feelings known about that!

Mind you I can sort of see why he developed the technique. MIL (who is lovely btw and I get on with her very well) can sometimes talk for England. If she has a tale to tell you then she can't give you the edited version she has to go in to remorseless detail, half the time the tale is about someone you don't know and have never met anyway! I think he learned at an early age that you can cope with these monologus by saying "Hmm" at intervals while letting your mind wonder. However, I am not like that in converstaion so over the years he has got better.

Having said that what does drive me mad is when we have a discussion about something and decide what we are going to do about whatever it is. Then a week later if the subject comes up he can say "What shall we do about X?" I respond with "But we have been through all that and we said we would do Y" but he genuinely seems to have forgotten the original conversation!

What?

YANBU. We must share the same DH.

OP, mine is EXACTLY the same and we often argue about it. He always listens and knows what I've said but doesn't give me as much as a nod, and if I ask for some aknowledgement of the fact I've said something to him I end up being the unreasonable one. "of course I heard you, I'm sitting right here, aren't I? What do you want me to dance naked on the kitchen table every time you open your mouth?". No, I want you to be a bloody normal human being and respond in some way or other

I've done it to him a couple of times and, naturally, I was in the wrong again...

PaperBack Sun 28-Feb-10 13:52:46
'YANBU - i think it is a man thing.
Of course if they say something to you, you must respond immediately.'

Sums my Dh perfectly!

Mine never listens to anything I say and then later accuses me of not having told him x, y, and z (when of course I did). I am glad I am not the only one suffering

It's different to selective hearing though, isn't it? It's like you're not worthy of a polite response.

My ex used to do this...I just saw it as a quirk when I was young/in love/inexperienced, but now I look back it was incredibly rude and an indicator of his nasty nature. I wouldn't put up with it from anyone now, tbh.

In DH's case it's major distractedness, I think.

I think it is a mixture of being distracted, preoccupied, lazy and, I'm afraid to say, just plain rude, or thoughtless if I'm being kind.

Which is why I am going to turn the tables on him and see how it affects him when I fail to respond.

He prob won't bloody notice!!!

abbierhodes, I see what you're saying, but if you have a wondeful DH, like I am lucky to have, it's hardly a good enough reason to file for divorce over

Say "crocodile".

Alternatively, tell him all the stuff that you don't really want to but feel like you should. Then when he bitches after your large purchase you can say: "But I told you".

DS does it as well, I was thinking of getting his hearing checked until I realised he could hear a sweet wrapper from the other end of the house up a flight of stairs and around the corner with the door closed.