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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask her to move her pet?

74 replies

AsthmaStudent · 27/02/2010 15:53

Erm, I'm a bit new to this, I'm not a mum so I hope its ok me posting here, a friend who is suggested it as I'm having a few problems with my housemate!
Bit of background, I'm a 2nd year student in a shared house away from home at university, I live with 4 other people, the other girl in my house has recently bought a rabbit. It lives on the upstairs landing about 8ft from my bedroom door and just outside her room (there isn't enough space in her room for it to live there)Our kitchen is pretty small and it has a large hutch so it can't live there but there would be space in the lounge.
However 6 days after she bought it, and after gradual, slight increase in wheeziness I had quite a nasty asthma attack, A+E, steroids, nebuliser etc. At first I thought it couldn't be the rabbit because I had one as a child but that one lived outside and I'd play with her for about 15 minutes a day outdoors. Of course im in near constant proximity to this rabbit so I'm fairly sure it is what is causing me to be very wheezy and short of breath. My peak flow is now about 240 (should be 450ish) and I'm waking up coughing a few times each night.

I asked if she would move the rabbit downstairs as it is making me ill but she refused. She suffers from depression and has had some quite traumatic experiences over the last few years, the rabbit is a sort of stress relief for her and calms her down, she like having something to look after and it has made her better from what I can see.

So I guess I want advice on what I can say to her to make her move it because its making me ill and I can't really afford the expensive prescriptions for my inhalers, steroids etc (my parents earn to much for me to be entitles to free prescriptions so despite earning the grand total of £18 pw from my part time job and being a full time student I still have to pay!)

Friend had told me you are all very lovely and will know exactly what I should say and how I should phrase it! Cheers! x

OP posts:

tatt · 28/02/2010 08:46

I've been thinking about this overnight. Bottom line is that your life is as important as the other house occupant and your death from asthma more of a risk than hers from mental health issues. If she wants a pet she can get one small enough to keep in her room and out of your way or compromise on where the pet is if that's possible - can the rabbit move into the garden/yard/ outdoor shed or isn't there one? The rabbit being in the lounge wouldn't be good for you either.

I don't know how uni house shares work. Can you get out of the contract and leave? If not and they want to keep the rabbit they can agree (in writing) to pay your rent too so you can leave and go elsehere.

A "no pets" rule is often the landlord wanting to protect carpets. They might not see an indoor rabbit in a hutch as a problem unless it is pointed out that rabbits need a lot of exercise (so have to be let out) and are inclined to chew a great deal. Most indoor rabbits go outside for exercise and grass, which is very important for good rabbit health and dental health. If it's in a hutch all the time it's cruel.

I think you need a mediator to sit down with all of you and thrash out a solution. What about the fourth person in the house?

msrisotto · 28/02/2010 09:28

To force the situation you could say you are left with no option but to move out and not contribute to rent. That'd get your other housemates lobbying her to remedy the situation too. It's a totally fair threat, WHY on EARTH would you stay?

gtamom · 28/02/2010 10:37

YANBU...she is!

KimiGaveUpStarbucks4Lent · 28/02/2010 10:51

YANBU, what does your lease say about pets?
People do not die of depression, they can from asthma attack, tell her to put away her "You have to let me I'm depressed" card and move her sodding rabbit, other wise a spot of rat poison in its food might help

MiffyWhinge · 28/02/2010 11:34

'people do not die of depression' - see also: suicide

(although seems reasonable to hope that won't be the case here)

Bink · 28/02/2010 11:37

AS, if you are at all prepared to consider moving out (but also prepared to stay if the situation is sorted), say what Msrisotto suggests - it's perfect - because it does exactly the right thing to put the power imbalance straight.

KimiGaveUpStarbucks4Lent · 28/02/2010 12:22

Miffy people DO NOT die of depression, as for suicide, then they die by killing them self, if it is because they were depressed and can not cope with life then that is why, but depression is NOT a terminal illness

MiffyWhinge · 28/02/2010 12:32

it's a life threatening disorder, think anyone would struggle to argue otherwise - there's quite a few ways to die from a depressive or other mental illness

don't think it's particularly relevant here but was hard to pass by your comment about people not dying from depression when the excess mortality is so very high

KimiGaveUpStarbucks4Lent · 28/02/2010 12:37

The point I was making is people DO NOT just drop dead from depression, (you plan how to kill your self then do it) you can die very suddenly from asthma attack.

Also the OP is not asking the woman to chop up bunny and put it in a pie, just move it from the landing.
The rabbit owner is being selfish, and unreasonable and playing the good old don't upset me I am depressed card.

I would move the rabbit and keep moving it till the owner got the message.

MiffyWhinge · 28/02/2010 12:44

agree the rabbit should be moved

just thought it might be of interest to note that depression is still too often fatal, not in a way that is especially pertinent here, not just through suicide either - but it's more than a bit tangential to this discussion so I will slope off and leave you to it

MillyR · 28/02/2010 12:51

I am very worried about the OP. Her peak flow is at 240 rather than 450. Every time it drops to 225 (which is likely to be frequently as she is so near that now) she should be calling an ambulance. She could die.

The rabbit needs to be moved out of the house, not to a different place in the house, but out of the house.

MillyR · 28/02/2010 12:56

And actually, if the depressed girl was so depressed that her risk of death was as high as the OP's seems to currently be, the depressed girl would be sectioned.

I was in almost exactly the same situation at University as the OP was in (cat, not rabbit). I ended up having to be hospitalised for two weeks and the doctors did think I was likely to die, even with treatment. It really isn't worth it for a pet.

Original poster

AsthmaStudent · 28/02/2010 18:45

Thank you for your advice everyone, it all kicked off last night and after a massive tantrum on the way home from a nightclub she decided she's leaving. She packed up her stuff and left this afternoon (leaving bunny) but she is shut in her bedroom until she comes to retrieve her. If she's not gone within a week I have a new home lined up for her (the rabbit)
I tried so hard to be a friend to this girl but she's not well, the rest of our house are all a bit shaken up but the atmosphere seems lighter than ever now she's gone. I hope that after some time at home she can come back and finish her degree and because I don't want things to end on a bad note with her but for the meantime I'll be able to sleep a little easier tonight (literally!)

OP posts:

2old4thislark · 28/02/2010 18:52

Thanks for the update.

KimiGaveUpStarbucks4Lent · 28/02/2010 18:56

So glad she has gone and you do not have to put up with the rabbit
Hope bunny finds a nice new home.

Lucyellensmumma · 28/02/2010 18:57

ah phew - i feel sorry for her, but if she is mentally ill she really needs to be with her family as it is not your responsibility to make sure she is ok, yes as friends you can look out for her but none of you should have to cope with that, i speak as someone who has suffered depression and know how damaging it can be to those around me.

Really glad it has sorted itself, out - i hope she comes back for her bunny, but if not, its good that you have a new home for her.

2boys2 · 28/02/2010 19:06

if she doesn't come back for the bunny, will you feed and water it before it goes to its new home...

Disenchanted3 · 28/02/2010 19:15

who is looking after the bunny??

agedknees · 28/02/2010 19:36

Is your room larger then hers? If it is, suggest to her to swop rooms and she can keep the rabbit in her room with the door closed?

YANBU.

Rejessta · 28/02/2010 19:43

Right, what you need is some onions, prunes, garlic, a sharp knife, a frying pan...

Seriously, there is no need for you to tolerate this nonsense. Top topsy, cook it and serve it.

The house rules clearly state no pets, the animal is inconveniencing you and this girl's personal problems are just that - her problem.

KimiGaveUpStarbucks4Lent · 01/03/2010 08:26

LOL Jamie Oliver has some good rabbit ideas

Rejessta · 01/03/2010 13:04

There's a restaurant in Brussels call In't Spinnekopke that does the most amazing Konaain mè Gueuze, rabbit cooked in naturally fermented beer. It makes me drool just thinking about it...

thehillsarealive · 01/03/2010 13:09

please remove the bunny fromn the house and rope in your other housemates to help you. This is your health, much more important than a rabbit ffs.

The relief in your house must be massive now that the selfish girl has gone.

coldtits · 01/03/2010 13:11

I would also go for the threat to cook it if she doesn't get rid of it.

I would start buying ingredients and leaving recipes pinned to the cage.

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