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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that when you take your child on holiday with you....

49 replies

Amannlyed · 26/02/2010 12:56

You should at least let him out of the buggy once in a while?? And bring him at least one to play with???? Sorry, but I am goin to have a rant.

I have just come back from a week in Lanzarote with my DH and DD. We were with a friend and her family (met in birthing class, have DDs who are same age) She also has a son (who is now 15months)

Everyday we spent with them, their little boy was in his buggy. The only time they let him out was to put him in a high chair to feed him and to put him in his cot. The weather was very good, and while my DD and her DD got to go in the pool everyday and also into the sea (with their dads) He wasn't allowed into the pool or to put his feet into the sea, he was however, able to watch us all from the comfort of his buggy. He had no toys to play with, they didn't think they would need them but her DD had her toys with her. My friend had said that there wasn't enough room in the cases. Just in case you are wondering, for a weeks holiday in lanzarote, she brought 3 cases. But there wasn't enough room for a toy.

We were all staying in the same apartment complex and we had gone to their apartment for lunch, their boy was out of his buggy (yay) and was crawling around on the floor. He pulled himself up and stood against the table. I was encouraging him, along with his sister, to try and walk towards us. He was maanaging one step and then falling onto his bum. My friend said that we should stop as she didn't want him learning to walk just yet She would rather not spend the rest of the holiday chasing after him, and she was concerned that he would fall on the tiles and hurt himself.

On top of this he was having about 6 naps during the day and she spent the entire holiday moaning about how he wouldn't sleep at night, he just wanted to play. He would get up at 6:30am, they fed him, put him in his buggy and walked around with him along the beach etc, he would fall asleep. They would wake him at lunchtime to feed him, then he would go straight back into his buggy and would fall asleep. If he woke before 3pm, he would get rocked in the buggy til he went to sleep. He would then be taken to their apartment, where he would 'go down for a nap'. While she would complain that probably wouldn't sleep again tonight and how hard it was to keep him entertained etc etc. After his nap, he would be taken down to dinner, he would be given about ten minutes crawling about on the floor of the apartment and then put back in his buggy. No one was allowed to take him out of the buggy to play with him or hold him. At 7pm it would be time for his bed. Surprisingly, he was never tired at this point and just wanted to play.

I kept thinking that it was really sad and I felt sorry for the boy, every time I had a chance to hold him, she would make comments about how I was 'giving in to him' by giving him a cuddle and let him crawl about beside me. My DH said that we shouldn't say anything to them as we might upset them and they might not talk to us...

I had a terrible holiday

OP posts:

Original poster

Amannlyed · 26/02/2010 12:57

Oh god that is really long

I did hav a lot to rant about

OP posts:

hf128219 · 26/02/2010 12:59

YANBU. That is absolutely terrible.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 26/02/2010 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

peppapighastakenovermylife · 26/02/2010 13:02

Did he seem to mind?! I'm just thinking of my DD and there is no way she would do that. Especially if her older brother was running around everywhere.

I wonder if they realise he has grown up - it sounds like they were treating him like a small baby (but then you would at least hope they would cuddle him).

I can understand being a bit wary about him - I struggle sometimes to keep my eye on both but if there were both parents and other adults seems very odd to me.

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2010 13:04

poor thing
It is a transition, (about 3 months IME) from feed-sleep-poo to wanting entertaining and independence - this poor little boy must have had a year of this (unless it's worse in an unfamiliar environment)
can he crawl? how can you not be overjoyed at first steps and other milestones??

Original poster

Amannlyed · 26/02/2010 13:05

When he was trying to walk and his big sister was egging him on, he had a massive smile on her face. She wanted to play with him.

My friend was only too happy to hand him over to us so that we could have him for the day, and I did wonder if maybe she had wanted another DD but had got her DS (this is entirely my perspective) How else do you explain her behaviour towards him?

OP posts:

Original poster

Amannlyed · 26/02/2010 13:08

Yes Stealth, he can crawl. We became very close after having our DDs so close together etc, spending a lot of time together. I have been round to her house when her mother was there and she does the same as me, she wants to give the boy cuddles and wants to let him play.

I also have a major judge about her bedtime habits at home, but think that might be another thread....

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 26/02/2010 13:10

I can see why you found this upsetting - it sounds as if the little boy's needs were being met. How did he seem ? Some children are happier to me in a buggy and watching than others, but he does sound a little too amenable to me ....

The second child does often not get as much attention as the first - and often they are happy to watch what's going on, and learn from that . But this sounds like more than that.

I'm wondering if she/ they are just not coping with two DCs. How old is the daughter ? The comment about walking just sounds as if they ant to keep things "easy".

And I wonder whether they favour girls ??

Blu · 26/02/2010 13:11

It sounds a bit weird.
Did she want a second child?
Did she want a boy?
Is she depressed?

Very upsetting, were you able to ask her about it or talk to her about it?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 26/02/2010 13:13

Blu - yes - I wondered about depression. She does sound very negative.

OP - Is it just the mother who is like this ?

expatinscotland · 26/02/2010 13:15

My 15-month-old son would never have sat that long in his buggy peacefully.

We're travelling to America because my father's health is too poor to come here now and I'm dreading the hour he has to remain in his seat before and after takeoff.

expatinscotland · 26/02/2010 13:16

Poor boy, though. My little man loves cuddles. He does get into a lot more than our two girls and is far more adventurous and curious.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 26/02/2010 13:18

expat - My DS2 wouldn't stay in the buggy for more than 5 mins at this age.

DS1 liked his buggy, but not to this extent.

And the sleeping ......... you don't think they were giving him Medised or something do you ?

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2010 13:18

so is it the dad that enforces this then? if hes not like that when you're just with the mother?

Original poster

Amannlyed · 26/02/2010 13:19

Their DD is 6.

They tried for a long time to have another. She seemed happy when she found out she was pg, but then immediately started to complain about everything (as pg women do They never found out the sex until he was born. She didn't seem bothered by him being a boy as far as I could see.

There have been differences in the things she has done since he was born. She went straight back to work when he was about 3/4months, whereas she waited for a year with DD. She didn't breastfeed him as she didn't have the time. She moved him into DDs room when he was about 12weeks as he was taking up too much space.

I used to think that maybe she didn't really want 2, and when she didn't get pregnant quickly after having DD, she seemed relieved. They kept trying but nothing happened.

She denies she treats him any differently, she just says that he is a boy and he is different from what i know. I never really want to stick my nose in too far, as I don't think she takes kindly to other peoples opinions.

OP posts:

sb6699 · 26/02/2010 13:22

I could have wrote that OP - we went on holiday with DH's friend and his wife and she insisted that her DS had to stay in his buggy ALL the time - even the in the apartment - as he might break something/he doesnt behave/I'll have to spend all evening running after him.

He was a lovely little thing and I felt so sorry for him.

I dont think there's much excuse - it seems they just cant be bothered

Jamieandhismagictorch · 26/02/2010 13:23

Eeek - that doesn't sound good. Maybe she 's jsut not prepared for the work that goes with a baby/toddler.

It's very sad. I think that a gap like this has the potential to be lovely - you really get to focus on the second one (I had a gap of two and a half years, and it was a struggle having a baby and a toddler - feeling neither was getting enough attention)

Original poster

Amannlyed · 26/02/2010 13:23

I think the dad doesn't have lot of say in how things go in their house. He had wanted to take the boy into the pool with him, he had mentioned to her that the reason he wouldn't sleep at night is because he sleeps so much during the day, but she dismisses him. She had a go at him for letting the boy out of his buggy before she had said so.

I don't think they were dosing him, I think the heat in Lanzarote and the constant pushing about in a buggy is surely enough to put any child to sleep?

Stealth - I meant my Friend's mother. She wants see him crawling about and wants to give him cuddles, but gets comments that she is being too soft on the boy from my friend

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 26/02/2010 13:23

Well, yes, in our case at least, our boy is very different. But he's still a baby, a child, and I wouldn't have left my girls in a buggy like that, either.

In fact, when DD1 was 16 months we travelled from Edinburgh to Aberdeen on a train (my mother's idea) with them and went site seeing and she was not happy about spending any long periods in her buggy. She has delays and didn't walk until she was 2, but she wanted to get out and crawl.

And although a star sleeper from the get go, she never slept that much!

Our son has been by far the worst sleeper, but he's only a baby. He doesn't understand.

She sounds depressed, tbh.

expatinscotland · 26/02/2010 13:25

Oh, and he's definitely going in the pool at my sister's house in April (in a warm climate)!

DH can't wait to get him in.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 26/02/2010 13:26

Depressed, or just not bonded with him. Poor little boy.

OrmRenewed · 26/02/2010 13:27

Poor bloody kid

I will admit that I was on tenterhooks with DS#1 when we took him to Madeira at that sort of age. But he was already walking really well. There seemed to be nothing but open pools, sheer cliffs and big roads! If I had had a buggy with me I might have been tempted to keep him in it a lot of the time - but not in the apartment FFS! Toddlers take looking after - a lot of it - but that is no reason to lock them up!

Original poster

Amannlyed · 26/02/2010 13:28

Expat - i totally agree with you there. Our DD wasn't a fan of her buggy and wouldn't stay in it for more than 20mins. We took DD to New York when she was 18motnhs and she did really well on the flights.

I don't know if she is depressed, I also wouldn't know how to approach that subject with her?

sb669 -I did think that she just can't be bothered with him, but I thought that would make me sound like a bitch

OP posts:

verytellytubby · 26/02/2010 13:30

There is no way on this planet any of my 3 would have stayed in the buggy for that long. How lame to take him away and not take him in the pool?

Sounds like her DH needs to toughen up and talk to her. Any chance your DH could talk to him over a beer?

It's made me feel really sad.

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2010 13:31

ah i see - makes more sense

it does sound as though she wants him quiet and not getting 'in the way' heartbreaking
Can you subtly work on the dad? Mentioning how much exercise yours need, how exploring is vital for their brain development, how yours dropped daytime naps entirely at some time slightly older than 16 months...
Or do you not see him often enough?
can't believe the grandmother hasn't said something - one place where they really should interfere imo

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