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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MN Jury - am I being unreasonable or is DH?

89 replies

Lovecat · 25/02/2010 23:37

So I am doing menu planning in an attempt to cut down on the ridiculous amount of food bought and wasted in our house, and everything I now have in the fridge is purchased with a meal in mind.

There are also snacky things like cheese, ham, yoghurts, fruit etc.

Came in from swimming last night, wanted a quick tea for all as I had a rehearsal to go to afterwards, had planned quiche and salad.

Go to fridge, remove box containing quiche, feels light... open it up, find that all but an eighth of it has been eaten.

"Oh" says DH, "I got hungry last night, I didn't know it was for anything in particular"

I remonstrate that of course it was for a feckin' meal, since when do I buy quiche for him to snack on?

He replies that I didn't specifically tell him that it wasn't to be eaten, therefore he's within his rights to help himself.

I feel
a) I'm not his mother, why the hell should I have to inform him in minute detail of what he can and can't eat?
b) Neither are we students in a shared house, I should not have to label the food!
c) Why can't he eat 3 meals a day instead of saving himself for just once a day and then raid the fridge and cupboards for whatever he can cram down his mouth that evening? It's not like I'm not buying him things to snack on, but he always goes for the other stuff!

OP posts:
letsblowthistacostand · 26/02/2010 09:11

I think he is BU to eat 7/8 of a quiche! One piece, maybe two, but any more than that is just greedy.

Also agree with other posters, have specific snack area, post menu on fridge, send him out for replacements if he eats the planned dinner.

eggontoast · 26/02/2010 09:14

Yabu. First poster posted great solution. Let it go this time, if he does it after you post menu, fair game, go mad.

MayorNaze · 26/02/2010 09:16

YABU

i hve been known to hide nice ham fom dh. and nice crisps. i feel like a squirrel somedays

LeninGrad · 26/02/2010 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shatteredmumsrus · 26/02/2010 09:29

yabu - he is an adult.is it really that big a deal

LeQueen · 26/02/2010 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClaraJo · 26/02/2010 09:47

I find it very easy - I buy ingredients that are not appealing on their own - raw onions, raw chicken breasts, mince etc. Funnily enough, they never go missing from my fridge.

I've quite often seen my lot open the fridge, scan it and shut it in disappointment!

fernie3 · 26/02/2010 09:49

I do meal plans and my husband knows that if hes not sure he can ask - well or open up the book and have a look but I dont think he has ever done that!. I DO feel a bit mean saying "no you cant have that" all the time but really its either that or we spend a much bigger portion of our income on food and he doesnt have other things he wants. I do buy snacks for people but they all seem to disappear after about day 2 of the meal plan!

TotalChaos · 26/02/2010 09:54

I think ClaraJo has the answer . seriously yabu for having food your Dh isn't allowed to eat - but it must be very frustrating dealing with his starve/binge eating cycle.

stealthsquiggle · 26/02/2010 09:55

I think you are probably both being a bit U.

My DH drives me nuts because on the rareoccasions when we do get organised and menu-plan, he will then decide he doesn't fancy whatever we were supposed to be eating that day and goes shopping instead - whilst hungry - and ends up spending a fortune.

He also leaves half his evening meal and then eats 5 packs of crisps later.

However, since it is largely his money and he knows perfectly well how unhealthy it is, it is up to him. There are always other things I can feed the DC on (which DH doesn't like) and he at least doesn't regard shopping/cooking as being exclusively my problem.

Now what the hell can we have for supper tonight ?

ScreaminEagle · 26/02/2010 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bonsoir · 26/02/2010 10:06

I'm with ClaraJo - I don't have foods that are ready-to-eat in my kitchen. If DSS1 people need to snack between meals, there is a choice of cereal and milk, a piece of fruit or a yoghourt but he they must ask me first!

TrillianAstra · 26/02/2010 10:10

Quiche definitely isn't dinner in the winter.

If he wants there to be things to snack on he'll have to be more involved in the shopping, at least to the extent of saying 'get me some quiche, I might like to eat a whole one some evening'. And you need to tell him what things are off-limits becausr they are a part of a plan.

But he was not being unreasonable to look in the fridge of a February evening and think it was for lunches/snacking rather than the main part of a dinner.

differentID · 26/02/2010 10:18

Lovecat- my dh is exactly the same. I now have to tell him not to snack as dinner will be ready in 10/15/5 minutes. His snacks consist of 4/5 crackers with a chunk of cheese and a tablespoon of pickle on each cracker!
He has been known to eat 30 pack of crisps in 3/4 days. I don't and won't buy them now unless I fancy some.

What does annoy me is when I tell him we're haveng say Baked pottao with cheese and beans for supper the next evening, he will then raid the fridge(for cheese) and doesn't tell me he finished the cheese. grrr.

Bonsoir · 26/02/2010 10:27

I'm a bit at some of the snacking habits illustrated on this thread.

Muffincrazy · 26/02/2010 10:42

This post is very timely for me. I have just started menu planning and DH has a habit of eating all my component ingredients!

Very frustrating!!

So are you most definitely not unreasonable!

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 26/02/2010 10:53

Have a shelf in the fridge that has stuff for snacks. Anything else is off limits.

of course he should have the right to eat what he wants in his own house, but if he wants to help himself to anything in the fridge he needs to do his share of packed lunches and meal planning.

Jux · 26/02/2010 10:57

I don't go for meal planning btw, so don't really understand the difficulties it presents. DH has always been most uncooperative in that way: "what if I don't feel like xxx tomorrow night" etc; so I have to shop every day, but that way we scoot around this sort of problem.

NoahAndTheWhale · 26/02/2010 11:09

My DH probably wouldn't have eaten the quiche, but he does have a habit of either getting home from work, me saying food will be ready in 10 minutes and him eating a peanut butter sandwich. Then not being hungry.

And if he does do any food shopping he spends loads and gets no food. Really can't work out how it happens . This is why I shop - I use a list and we have food for the week.

Bonsoir · 26/02/2010 11:10

I don't understand how it is possible to cater without menu planning, tbh.

SpringHeeledJack · 26/02/2010 11:16

YANBU

if he is an adult (and therefore entitled to eat whatever's in the fridge) he should also be capable of planning/cooking tea.

fwiw I have a similar problem. I sort of think it's like constantly knitting a massive jumper that someone is incessantly unravelling at the other end

LaurieFairyCake · 26/02/2010 11:23

This is going to turn into the Victoria Sandwich thread

2 camps - whether quiche is or not dinner in the winter or otherwise

Bonsoir · 26/02/2010 11:27

Quiche should always be eaten warm . It is beyond vile if eaten cold (cold bacon and scrambled eggs, anyone? Yuck).

Quiche is a winter lunch food, IMVHO.

diddl · 26/02/2010 11:28

OP, I´m going to say YANBU.

It wouldn´t have hurt your husband to ask if it was for a meal as quiche isn´t the most obvious of snacks, I wouldn´t have thought.

diddl · 26/02/2010 11:30

Snacks in our fridge are easy to spot-they are in pots marked "yogurt"

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