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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to hurt these girls as much as they have hurt dd1?

81 replies

misdee · 25/02/2010 10:18

i am being unreasonable.

dd1 has been being bullied. i suspected she had, but finally she poured it all out last night, and has written it down.

there is a gang of girls in her year who are maninly repsonible ofr this going on.

dd1 is an easy target as she is little, dh was ill (oh yes, they stoop so low to take the micky out of a man whose body is ravaged with scars), take the mick out of dd2 who is quirky, etc, and because i dont let her watch eastenders or the bill.

i spotted the girls this morning, and it took all my control to tame the tigress in me. i want to protect my kids from all this, and inside i'm growling like mad.

how dare they upset a little girl who has had enough stress in her life. how bloody dare they.

i have told dd1 to walk away, make new friends, and just stay away from them. it takes a strong person to do that.

making an appointment to speak to her class teacher this week or next.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 25/02/2010 23:04

Your poor dd1 I wish I had good advice for you, others on here have come up with really good advice. I still get eczema but not as bad and when i eat lots of choccie and sweets . I used to be wrapped up in bandages at home with E45 to keep my skin moist when i was little. Having a bath well that used to be agony. I still hate wearing shorts in summer and opt for cropped trousers as my legs are far from perfect but he. Good luck with it all misdee. I used to be called scabby and dirty at school

Original poster
misdee · 25/02/2010 23:06

thanks

right bedtime, and to put a big smile in the mornming and make sure dd1 goes into school happy and secure.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 25/02/2010 23:08

kids can be downright nasty and cruel, it gets better when you get older and yes as others have said she will come through. Bullies are cowards and get them on their own they are useless.

edam · 25/02/2010 23:09

You might also want to tell her that despite being bullied over the eczema at junior, dh has been and continues to be Mr Popular. A gregarious type who makes friends very easily - people are always telling me what a great guy he is. Usually when I'm really pissed off with him about something!

Original poster
misdee · 26/02/2010 16:09

update.

the main ringleader is being kept in for break and lunch times for the for seeable future. teacher was not happy. loads of back story with this girl. other kdis have been spoken to, and a lot more information has been given by other kids.

seems like it wasnt dd1 wasnt the only target for this girl.

hopefully this is the end of it, but i doubt it.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 26/02/2010 16:34

Glad they're doing something and also that she is seen to be punished. I think it's a good thing for a school to make an example of a bully in this way -- it's almost a taste of her own medicine.

Maybe one of the worst aspects of bullying for a parent is how rotten it feels to realise your child was going through something miserable and you didn't know. My heart goes out to you and your DD.

I recommend the book 'Queen Bees and Wannabes' by Rosalind Wiseman. There's also one about the parents of these horrible children by the same author.

twotimes · 26/02/2010 17:35

aww misdee I really feel for you, my worst nightmare is that one of my dc's get bullied, it's very easy to feel as though you can't do anything. I think you did the right thing and I hope everything gets better with dd.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 26/02/2010 19:49

thanks for the update. In a way, it's good to know that your DD wasn't the only one - hopefully that will help for it not to affect her self-esteem.

And good that you were the ones to bring this to a head, so that when it gets better she'll know it was worth speaking out ....

deedee321 · 26/02/2010 21:37

yanbu, your poor dd. I would go mad if people were mean to mine. Dreading all that already and she is only 2!

PoppetOne · 26/02/2010 23:30

YANBU! I hope that this is the end of it now the ring leader has been punished.

I was bullied through school by the same girl. It has affected my whole life and I believe it's the reason I don't have a lot of confidence and have had relationships where I have been mentally & physically abused.

Your DD is very brave to tell you and to return to school - my sisters told my parents as I just couldn't say the words but the schools did nothing

piglet my heart goes out to you, kids are so bloody mean!

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 27/02/2010 00:10

YANBU
When your chicks are being bullied it takes up a massive amount of what I think of as 'head space'. My worst experience was the day after my dad died and two 'lovely' little 8 year old boys told my DS 'we're glad your Grancha's dead' after he had come into school understandably upset.
I spoke to the head and she got both of them to write a letter of apology to my son and to me, and I can still remember the perverse pleasure I felt when I thanked their mothers for their sons' letters.They had not been told about their sons' behaviour and were suitably embarassed and appalled.
One of them is now a nice 12 year old .The other remains a little s**t.
I really hope the school gets on board with this as it is very distressing for all the family.

sasamaxx · 27/02/2010 10:25

YANBU.
Good news that something is being done about it.

The strategy Rhubarb described is brilliant btw!

Original poster
misdee · 27/02/2010 10:39

i think the way rhubs teacher deals with it, is very similar to how dd1 deals with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
misdee · 27/02/2010 10:39

to how dd1 teacher deals with it, i mean.

dd1 has choir practise todaym and the main leader is there. but dd1 is going anyway, as they have aperformance in 2 weeks time.

OP posts:
LeQueen · 27/02/2010 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poshsinglemum · 27/02/2010 17:32

Can I just ask why is it not a good idea to bollock the bullies? Does it make it worse? I'm only asking because I was bullied at school and I'm terrified that the same will happen to dd.

I don't think I could stop myself from screaming in the bullies face. I think that bullies should be screamed at tbh by those they hurt. Sod the child protection act. These bitches know what they are doing. Bring back the birch I say. Sorry you are going through this.

poshsinglemum · 27/02/2010 17:36

I just think that the parents of those who are bullied should go and rip the bullies apart themselves(by a bollocking-not physically). But of course we aren't allowed. pah.I suppose we have to support them in fighting their own battles.

clam · 27/02/2010 17:50

Girls can be absolutely vile. Give me a class of naughty boys over one of bitchy girls any day!
Glad thigs seem to be moving in the right direction for your DD, however.

LeQueen · 27/02/2010 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
misdee · 28/02/2010 08:30

choir practise went ok, and bully didnt say a word to dd1.

apparently she thinks its unfair that she has to stay in every lunch and break for the rest of the school year, should've thought of that before you picked on smaller kids, shouldnt you, bully-girl!

i think breaking the silence surounding all this has given dd1 and the other kids a sense of relief. am hoping that whoever steps ion to fill bully-girl place as leader, doesnt make the same mistakes. as i wont let this go!

OP posts:
Georgimama · 28/02/2010 08:36

If the child is over 10 and the school is ineffective about tackling bullying I would call the police. They won't do much but even a PCSO calling round to the house for a chat would scare most children shitless. If they're so hardened that doesn't worry them then they really are a matter for the police. Or social services.

Twilightobsessed · 01/03/2010 19:52

Misdee, been thinking of you today and your brave dd1. Hope the week has started well for you both

Original poster
misdee · 02/03/2010 19:49

slight situation today, but dd1 handled it well.

she is worried in case the other girl is allowed out at break tomrorow. she says there have been no fights since friday, whereas normally there are probs every day

OP posts:
Pebbles71 · 03/03/2010 09:48

misdee...my 8 yr old also has excema in the summer months and asthma all year round and continually on inhalors....she also has allergies to animals and plants....it is a complete nightmare but managed well as we have never known any different...I just wanted to tell you that as its nice sometimes to know someone who is dealing with similar problems...well she also has warts on her hands and now her face...they are unsightly and she having 5 removed this mth and has had 2 removed before but children are so cruel its awful......now with my 13 yr old who is at high school theres a thread on here talking about wether to allow your 13 yr old child face book or not well my 13 yr old had it a week ago and it has allowed the bullies to go through her friends and post messages and in school time...weve been on a bit of a roller coaster these last few days...these girls use the most foul words and I strongly feel if you allow a child to have facebook then the parents should monitor what their children are putting...well thats all another story but I will tell you something being a parent is one of the hardest things ever and girls as they get to the third yr (yr9) of high school well its unbelivable(got a 17 yr old whos been through it all)Im sorry to say it doesnt get any easier....you have good times and bad times....I just cant belive there are such nasty children out there...how have they been bought up...are the parents aware of how their child is and why are they like this?????....

Original poster
misdee · 10/03/2010 14:28

bullygirl called dd1 a retard yesterday.

please hold me back from slapping bullygirl

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