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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to hurt these girls as much as they have hurt dd1?

81 replies

misdee · 25/02/2010 10:18

i am being unreasonable.

dd1 has been being bullied. i suspected she had, but finally she poured it all out last night, and has written it down.

there is a gang of girls in her year who are maninly repsonible ofr this going on.

dd1 is an easy target as she is little, dh was ill (oh yes, they stoop so low to take the micky out of a man whose body is ravaged with scars), take the mick out of dd2 who is quirky, etc, and because i dont let her watch eastenders or the bill.

i spotted the girls this morning, and it took all my control to tame the tigress in me. i want to protect my kids from all this, and inside i'm growling like mad.

how dare they upset a little girl who has had enough stress in her life. how bloody dare they.

i have told dd1 to walk away, make new friends, and just stay away from them. it takes a strong person to do that.

making an appointment to speak to her class teacher this week or next.

OP posts:
madhairday · 25/02/2010 17:35

Hope the teacher sorts it out misdee.
My dd is 9 and has been bullied quite a lot due to being dyspraxic and socially awkward. The little sods find anything to bully her about, right down to making fun of me and dh. It is horrible. I have nagged the school and they have taken it seriously and have put some strategies in place (one is called circle of friends and does appear to be working within the class at least.) So there is much that can be done, as long as the school is taking you seriously.

I really hope things get sorted for your poor dd1.

Twilightobsessed · 25/02/2010 17:53

Oh god no of course you're not being unreasonable. How dare they. Little shits.

Sounds like the teacher is taking this seriously - fingers crossed will put a stop to it. No excuse for it to continue once the school has been made aware, in my opinion

My heart goes out to you and your dd1 and all other families who go through this. Lots of love x

Jamieandhismagictorch · 25/02/2010 17:54

misdee - DS1 has also been bullied (sorted now, hopefully). There's a good book which someone on here recommended, to help "bully-proof" yourself (although sounds like she's doing really well- telling you about it, and you acting fast is the first step).

It's called :

Bullies, Bigmouths, and So-called Friends

What I like is that it includes the sort of bullying that "friends" do.

Feelingforty · 25/02/2010 18:30

my blood is boiling for you & your dd. When I was young, I was bullied for having a big nose (now fixed ). My mum had words with one of the bullies & I was left alone after that. However since then there have been other times when children have been unkind, as they are, & I never learnt to stand up for myself (also came from a highly confrontational family). So think the key action is give your daughter the 'tools' to stand up for herself, (at least I'm not ugly is quite a good one for the meanest) but be right behind her(with speaking to school & if/when you see them out) as back up.

The bullyproof yourself book sounds good

BitOfFun · 25/02/2010 18:34

I would want to rip their heads off

I know it doesn't help, but it is just about the worst age for this kind of thing. Good luck with sorting it out.

LisaD1 · 25/02/2010 18:37

Your poor DD.

Kids seem so mean sometimes, my DD1 (same age as yours) has had kids taking the mick out of her asthma, even one boy doing so whilst she was having an attack.

Hope the school sort things for your DD

BitOfFun · 25/02/2010 18:41

Oh, and I've just read your OP to dd1(13), and she really sympathises and says she went through similar stuff at the same age- just at a time things were really hard at home too (I had a nasty split from dd2's dad who had lived with us for seven years). She says that if your dd can manage it, to try and not them them see they have upset her, and to try and seek out people who might be less 'cool' but will be nicer friends. The other point she made was that really you just have to wait a while for people to grow up a bit, and that things get much better in secondary school when you can make friends with different groups of people. I hope that gives you a bit of hope- she is very happy at school now and absolutely blossoming.

Comewhinewithme · 25/02/2010 18:47

Sorry Misdee .
I had a massive thread on here sometime last year with loads of great advice when my dd was going through similar it was very useful.
I will try and find and link for you.

I am with you on wanting to hurt them I could have ripped their heads off.

BelleDameSansMerci · 25/02/2010 18:57

misdee I remember this from school very clearly. Girls can be so cruel and that friends/enemies swing is just awful. I really, really sympathise and I admire your control so much.

I gave this book to one of my friends' daughters who was a little bit older than your DD. It might help?

Veritythebrave · 25/02/2010 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thesecondcoming · 25/02/2010 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

posieparker · 25/02/2010 19:35

misdee, phone the head teacher first thing in the morning and ask what their policy on bullying is. Insist on a meeting tomorrow, ask when the other girls parents will be called in and when you will get feedback of action(s) taken. Make sure they know that you take this very seriously.

Original poster
misdee · 25/02/2010 19:37

its horrible. i knew something was bothering her, but she wouldnt tell me what.

she is scared of going in tomorrow, but i have told her to hold her head high, as she has done nothing wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
misdee · 25/02/2010 19:38

posie, we saw dd1 teacher afterschool who is dealing with it.

there are ongoing issues with this little group.

OP posts:
EggyAllenPoe · 25/02/2010 19:40

it is really horrible, and you are not wrong to be very very angry (only natural)

posieparker · 25/02/2010 19:42

Are their parents being seen? Or are their parents an issue too?

Original poster
misdee · 25/02/2010 19:43

am hoping the parents get called in. so they know how awful their kids are.

if the parents have a go at me, i can hold my own.

OP posts:
DaisySparkle · 25/02/2010 19:44

OP, can I suggest the following:

  1. ring the school first thing in the morning and request a copy of their bullying policy to be either posted to you or available for you to pick up. 2)Make an appointment to see the class teacher at the end of the day.
  2. take with you a statement written by DD detailing who, what, where, when. Include any words said and how DD feels about it and perceives it. 4)Ask the class teacher what action will be taken and request feedback by end of following day.
  3. if no joy, request a meeting with head
  4. if no joy, write to Head with your complaint, copy to chair of governors.

Might sound a bit drastic in places, but it is worth it. If you put a complaint in writing, it must be dealt with formally. If you only say it........

Hope that helps. I am a teacher and I would always recommend this to parents.

posieparker · 25/02/2010 20:08

Good luck!!!

porcamiseria · 25/02/2010 22:34

little fuckers, I dont blame you, at all. I'd want to savage anyone that hurt DS

some great posts here, and I agree with supporting and empowering them to stick up to bullies. I was bullied 11-13 and I wish wish I had told someone and stuck up for myself

I do think its a rite of passage and it will pass, and I am so pleased she told you

work on the school and good luck

edam · 25/02/2010 22:45

Do tell dd1 that she has done really well telling you about this. It's a big deal for her to talk about it and she should be complimented for being brave and responsible. She's taking some power back from the bullies (try to encourage her to see them as weak - if they were really happy and secure, they wouldn't need to pick on anyone else).

Hope the teacher will get it sorted.

pigletmania · 25/02/2010 22:50

I was bullied for having severe aptopic Eczema and for being slightly quirky, then it was strange and weird lol. Still am he he, that must be my dyspraxia and the way i walk sometimes. Dont carry myself nicely as some people have said.

Original poster
misdee · 25/02/2010 22:50

thats pretty much what myself and the teacher said. that bullies hurt others as they are unhappy themselves. they pick on dd1 as she is kind and sensitive.

she sobbed for hours last night. i gave her a big hug after chatting to her teacher and said i was very proud of her for telling, as thats the hardest part, and she is v v brave.

OP posts:
Original poster
misdee · 25/02/2010 22:51

piglet, dd1 has eczema on her legs and arms, and she is very self conscience of it. she also has lighter patches on her arms from eczema as a baby. we have a plan of action for the summer months whne they wear summer dresses. she also has asthma and worries people think she is lazy as isnt a great runner

OP posts:
edam · 25/02/2010 22:57

aw, Misdee, bless dd1. Dh had terrible eczema as a child and was bullied, especially over the scars on the back of his hand.

Tell her it IS possible to come through the other side. I was bullied at one school. Moved on and lost touch with the one girl who was a consistent friend. Years later she tracked me down to find out how I was. It was very satisfying to realise that, while I had achieved quite a lot by that point, the bullies had done sod-all with their lives.

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