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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to travel approx 6 hours from hospital at three weeks (or less) before my due date?

51 replies

WildSeahorses · 23/02/2010 12:23

Okay, I am perfectly open to being told that I am being too precious about this if people think IABU, so please be honest with me.

I am due in the last week in May. I have been trying to arrange a date to visit my parents (who live approx 5/6 hours' drive away, depending on the traffic). They said that it wasn't convenient for me to visit for the next month, which I'm totally fine with. However, they want me to visit at some point during May and I think that that's just too close to my due date for comfort. I know that first babies don't often come early, but I'm still a bit concerned that, if things did happen quickly, I'd have a hellish drive back to London (or maybe not even make it back in time). I should add that the only reason they want me to visit in May is because "it will be warmer weather then" and not because they have existing commitments in April. However, I don't want to be being overly precious about this. AIBU to say that I could only manage a visit in April, or it will have to be a visit after the baby arrives?

Just to avoid AIBU by stealth, I should add that they don't want to visit me because "it's a long drive" (although the last time I checked, it's just as far from their house to mine as it is from mine to theirs) and because they "don't know what to do with the dogs" (surely just leave with the relatives who normally look after them when they go on holiday?).

OP posts:

BrahmsThirdRacket · 23/02/2010 12:25

Argh YANBU. People are going to come and say 'first babies NEVER come early, stop fussing' but
a) they sometimes do
b) the thought of it is stressing you and you do not need to be stressed
c) your parents are fecking lazy to not visit you

I wouldn't bother going, and would say if you want to see me and the bump, come over yourselves. I hate old-person excuses such as what to do with the dogs etc. It is just laziness

Geocentric · 23/02/2010 12:26

Just tell them that you ran it by your doctor and he/she didn't think it was a good idea. And NBU at all, btw.

BariatricObama · 23/02/2010 12:29

ahem! my first baby was 3 weeks early. also there is no way i could have sat in car for that long at 37 weeks. you are not being precious

Morloth · 23/02/2010 12:29

YANBU, I am 37 weeks now and don't even want to go to the other side of the city.

I definitely couldn't be arsed driving for that long at this point.

Biccy · 23/02/2010 12:30

You're not being unreasonable. I did do a 4.5 hour trip when I was over 37 weeks, but that was because I was more stressed by the idea of not visiting my sister and her premature baby, than by the idea of giving birth in a strange town... my last planned long trip was at 33 weeks.

emsyj · 23/02/2010 12:32

YANBU. I've just tentatively told work that I am not willing to attend a court hearing 3.5 weeks before my due date (also 5 hours away from home) and they were astonished that I had thought there'd be any question of me going.

You would think parents would be more understanding - but sadly my mum is the same! Everything must be convenient for her...

lucky1979 · 23/02/2010 12:33

My brother was a first baby and was 3 weeks early and a fast arrival - don't take the risk!

compo · 23/02/2010 12:33

Yanbu

and just how are they going to see their grandchild if they aren't prepared to travel you'll spend all ur time going to visit once the lo is born so stay at home now !

Lulumaam · 23/02/2010 12:34

you should not be in a car, sat down for 5/6 hours at this stage of pregnancy, you are at higher risk for DVT

i would not go, also, you can deliver at any maternity unit you are local to, but it is not the same, is it..

driving back to london in ealry labour would be awful

i think on health grounds alone, you should not go

cece · 23/02/2010 12:35

I drove 4 hours to my parents house on my own at 36 weeks. This was when I was pg with my first.

I was quite surprised people were shocked and told me off! To me I just thought that there was a hospital where they lived; if anything happened it would be fine.

But you are worried about it so I would say don't go and either arrange it for them to visit you or to go in April.

PandaG · 23/02/2010 12:39

my first was 2.5 weeks early. I was uncomfortable in the car for short periods, and would not have wanted to be sat in one postion for more than an hour or so.

Go in April, or stress if they want to see you in May they are welcome to come to you.

ChunkyChick · 23/02/2010 12:41

Of course you shouldn't go! What on earth are they thinking of trying to get you to drive all that way when you're so big? Get the lazy pair to come down to you if they're that bothered about seeing you. And don't let them guilt you into driving all that way to see them with your newborn either!

noktok · 23/02/2010 12:43

YANBU.

You are at higher risk of a DVT being pregnant.

Plus, depending on how you are in pregnancy, it could be horribly uncomfortable.

Also, first babies do sometimes come early, of course they do! I had mine at 37wks and a friend had hers at 32wks.

I wouldn't do it. Some people would be happy with it and that's totally up to them. However, it is unreasonable just to expect someone to do it.

noktok · 23/02/2010 12:44

Oh and don't put a newborn in his/her carseat for that long either. I think the guidelines are 2 hrs max.

Doodleydoo · 23/02/2010 12:45

Bad luck, its really irritating isn't it - a sort of parent black mail. Odd but it seems to happen a lot!

5-6 hours is a long time to be seated in a car, regardless of whether or not you are near to a hospital. A friend of mine had her first 6 weeks early with no prior complications and was a little shocked - 3 weeks early is not too much of a stretch! Yes lots are late, but lots aren't!

scratchet · 23/02/2010 12:48

YANBU in the slightest, however, your parents are BU and selfish to boot.

Driving for that long does increase certain risks as previously mentioned, plus you will probably be v uncomfortable and needing to wee every half hour!

I know a lot of first babies that have arrived early. My own first labour was only 3 hours from onset, so unless you potentially want to deliver on the hard shoulder I would't go.

Good luck

2old4thislark · 23/02/2010 12:49

Yanbu - just too long to sit in a car at 37 weeks PG. And agree with yr other reasons.

GetOrfMoiLand · 23/02/2010 12:57

Wildsea for some reason your OP made me feel rather sad.

Would have rather hoped that your mum would want to cherish you and not have you cart yourself all that way so heavily pregnant. Not to worry about when it is convenient for you to visit and/or bloody dog issues.

I wouldn't bother going tbh. But it is a bit of a shame isn't it? I mean what do they expect you to do with your new baby? are they going to make the effort to come and see you or will you have to traipse up there with your new baby.

Some people are a bit selfish aren't they. I am normally someone who is a bit no-nonsense but I think you should be allowed a bit of bloody consideration when so heavily pregnant tbh.

SoupDragon · 23/02/2010 12:57

Other issues aside, you don't have to drive 6 hours back to hospital to give birth. You go to the nearest one. I am assuming you don't have an emotional attachment to your local hospital (lord knows I didn't - I would have been happy to give birth anywhere!)

That aside, YANBU because you will be hugely fat and uncomfortable by then and don't want to be sitting in a car for that length of time.

BariatricObama · 23/02/2010 12:59

soupdragon, i wouldn't have liked to be in a hospital so far away. teh journey home was traumatic enough!

Alicetheinvisible · 23/02/2010 13:02

YANBU it wouldn't take 5/6hrs either as you will need to stop every half an hour for a wee and to get yourself comfortable again.

I went to a wedding 5hrs away when 30wks pg with my first. I took my notes with me and was slightly paranoid the whole time as i had been in hospital having cx at 26weeks.

EggyAllenPoe · 23/02/2010 13:06

erm as others have said, you are so not being unreasonable - 6 hours in a car is a long, uncomfortable time for a pregnant woman, and you have tried to arrange it much sooner. I go tinto quite serious bother after doing a 5 hour journey whilst 20weeks (dehydration) - just not worth it!

and it is not unlikely for babies to arrive anywhere from 37 weeks on - or be 2+ weeks late for that matter. travel that close to due date is a Beeeeeeg nono in my book.

cece · 23/02/2010 13:07

I agree with soupdragon - I would have happily given birth anywhere. Hence I was willing to make the trip to see my parents. (see post below).

I also wasn't that big or uncomfortable at 36 weeks either. I also didn't want being pg to stop me doing stuff, I was pf not ill!

But I do think if the OP isn't keen then yes her parents should make the effort to visit her.

Birdly · 23/02/2010 13:09

YANBU. You'll probably be very uncomfortable in the car for that period of time. I would have been with both my pregnancies.

I suspect your parents are ever so slightly set in their ways - perhaps it's time for a bit of straight talking on your part!

planttheonions · 23/02/2010 13:12

I sat in the car for 3 hours at 36 weeks with my first, but it was absolutely horrendous and very uncomfy. I didnt go above 45 minutes in the car with my second around the same stage and now at 30 weeks with my third and I am uncomfy most of the time, I would not contemplate it.

Do your parents plan to come and visit lo when born or are you the one that is expected to do the travelling?

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