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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to travel approx 6 hours from hospital at three weeks (or less) before my due date?

51 replies

WildSeahorses · 23/02/2010 12:23

Okay, I am perfectly open to being told that I am being too precious about this if people think IABU, so please be honest with me.

I am due in the last week in May. I have been trying to arrange a date to visit my parents (who live approx 5/6 hours' drive away, depending on the traffic). They said that it wasn't convenient for me to visit for the next month, which I'm totally fine with. However, they want me to visit at some point during May and I think that that's just too close to my due date for comfort. I know that first babies don't often come early, but I'm still a bit concerned that, if things did happen quickly, I'd have a hellish drive back to London (or maybe not even make it back in time). I should add that the only reason they want me to visit in May is because "it will be warmer weather then" and not because they have existing commitments in April. However, I don't want to be being overly precious about this. AIBU to say that I could only manage a visit in April, or it will have to be a visit after the baby arrives?

Just to avoid AIBU by stealth, I should add that they don't want to visit me because "it's a long drive" (although the last time I checked, it's just as far from their house to mine as it is from mine to theirs) and because they "don't know what to do with the dogs" (surely just leave with the relatives who normally look after them when they go on holiday?).

OP posts:
MamaVoo · 23/02/2010 13:14

YANBU. I'm astonished that your parents think it's reasonable for you to have to make such a long journey when heavily pregnant. Tell them you'll visit in April or they can come to you.

My first baby was 3 weeks early so it does happen.

BariatricObama · 23/02/2010 13:16

to be fair to the ops parents they probably just haven't thought it through. just say no and see them some other time

StarlightMcKenzie · 23/02/2010 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

crankytwanky · 23/02/2010 13:17

YANBU.

I find it uncomfortable in the car for half an hour at 38 weeks. You'll need to stop for a pee at every services. If you are anything likeme you'll get cramp in your legs & start panicking about DVT.

You are a grown woman; tell them no!

Original poster
WildSeahorses · 23/02/2010 13:21

Wow - seems that no-one thinks IABU - fab! Thanks for the responses - v helpful to know that I'm not being too princessy about things.

The concern about giving birth near my parents was mainly because it would be a v long journey back home for the baby (given the car seat guidelines, it would take all day - not fair on a newborn) and also potentially an unpleasant journey for me (if, say, I had a lot of stitches or needed a CS).

Just to confirm, I have made it quite clear that I will not be dragging the new baby up to see them for visits - they will have to come to me while the baby is very little. Although this is apparently very stressful (they have to find someone to have the dogs and book a hotel - as I suspect that murder would be committed if I had them staying with us so soon after the birth).

OP posts:
mnistooaddictive · 23/02/2010 13:24

Good for you. I went 2 hours away at 37 weeks but that was only because my friend was terminally ill and at that point I HAD to go, as she couldn't wait. It was a military operation with all my hospital bag baby car sea etc. and DH having printouts of all the hospitals on route just in case! I wouldn't recommend it though in your situation.

mumblechum · 23/02/2010 13:26

I must be v reckless because at 2 weeks overdue we went for a day out & evening meal in North Wales when we lived in Liverpool. Went into labour 2 days later

porcamiseria · 23/02/2010 14:13

you are NBU. use the doctor excuse

I would not even go to the shops towards the end, precious or wot!!!!

lizziemun · 23/02/2010 14:38

YANBU.

I would not made it between service stations without having to stop . So it probaly have taken even longer.

I couldn't me then 5mins from a toilet at 37wks. And if I did see a toilet i would have had to visit it 10 times .

gingernutlover · 23/02/2010 14:44

YANBU, that is a long way.

I was nervous about driving 1 hour to my MIL's FGS

and for what its worth, my dd (my first) came at 37+3.

BigWeeHag · 23/02/2010 14:59

It all depends how you feel. At 37 weeks I have always been fine (although getting stiff joints on long journeys.) But then, my babies don't come until 42 weeks plus. So I would not set anything in stone yet, it's ages away.

Hulababy · 23/02/2010 15:18

I think they are being unreasonable in expecting you to do the long journey just because "its a long drive" for them. And YANBU to request seeing them in April or after baby is born.

TBH you may find it more difficult to go away that far when baby is here and still very little.

However it is perfectly possible to go this far out and about at that stage of pregnancy if you feel up to it.

I went to friends for the weekend - over 3 hours away - at 36 weeks and had a lovely time. Took my stuff and notes with me just in case - there are hospitals near friends too. I then moved house at 37 weeks, albeit close to home.

But it is how YOU feel that is paramount.

WingedVictory · 23/02/2010 15:20

YANBU. I was away visiting my father not long before my due date, and, thankfully, came back earlier than planned (not enjoying visit, wanting to be at home), because I actually went into labour the day I was due to have come home. This was 11 days before my due date, and I was half-way across the UK from home and hospital (I had my bag and maternity notes, though).

We also had to stay in hospital for about 5 days, because of neonatal jaundice, which would have been longer in a part of the country I didn't know, etc. Now, even without the extended hospital stay, what about my poor DH, who was at home? And the first couple of weeks with a baby are just a mess of no sleep, possibly blood everywhere (the lochia) if not a CS, etc. Hardly circumstances in which you will feel comfortable being a guest anywhere, let alone with people who are unwilling to be put out, as you describe!

It might all be easy, but might not, so please just take it easy.

P.S. Perhaps someone could confirm this, but don't you have to register the birth where you give birth? We didn't have a name initially, so registered DS 2 weeks after he was born!

P.P.S. This is all why the "nesting" instinct must be listened to!

staranise · 23/02/2010 15:33

Of course you shouldn't go - first babies do come early (mine came at 37 weeks as did my sister's and my SIL's). And you don't need the stress.

BouncingTurtle · 23/02/2010 15:47

YADefNBU.

By the time I was 6 weeks, I refused to go on any journey longer than an hour as I was just so damn uncomfortable (plus needing to pee every 5mins lol!). A 5/6 hour drive at 37 weeks sounds like unbearable!

Frankly your parents sound selfish and lazy. So they can find someone to sit the dogs when they go on holiday but not to visit their daughter? I hope to God I don't develop that attitude when my kids have grown and live far away

Fine if they don't want to visit you - at the end of the day you can't make them, they have their own life to lead. But they shouldn't expect you to make the trip!

hmmSleep · 23/02/2010 16:06

YANBU!!

Not read whole thread so sorry if repeating.

Both my dcs were over 2 weeks early, so it isn't always the case that first Borns don't come early. But also at 37 weeks pregnant it would be a really uncomfortable journey, seat belt digging in, needing to stop to wee constantly, sore back etc.

You should be taking it easy and getting a bit of rest before the baby arrives, and they ABU not to come and see you instead, or at least allow you to dictate when you travel to see them.

Undercovamutha · 23/02/2010 17:13

YANBU. I did a 5 hour journey to a wedding when I was almost 37w pg. It was hellishly uncomfortable to sit for that long (even with a couple of breaks) and I was baking hot as it was high summer. I had DD less than 1 week after I got back - so IMO I could have very easily ended up giving birth at the opposite end of the country! If it hadn't been the wedding of one of our very close friends, I would never have gone.

Get your parents to get off their arse and come and visit you.

ILovePlayingDarts · 23/02/2010 17:15

Winged Victory, TEchnically you do have to register where you give nirth, but what happens in practive is that your local registrar can take the details and send them on to the correct registration office.

WingedVictory · 23/02/2010 18:24

Thanks for that, ILovePlayingDarts!

Original poster
WildSeahorses · 24/02/2010 12:55

Quick update - a visit date for April has been agreed The conversation was like pulling teeth, though. Why do parents always have to be awkward?

OP posts:
cory · 24/02/2010 13:10

I can understand very well if you want to give birth in your local hospital. I was kept in for several days after the birth (bad tearing etc and difficulty in establishing feeding) and it would have been very difficult for dh to visit and bond with his new baby if we had been 6 hrs away from him. And the second time I had an emergency section, so again was in for quite a long time and needed dh to be able to get there.

Giving birth just about anywhere is fine if you know that you're just going to be in and out. But particularly with a first baby, you don't know that.

HalfTermHero · 24/02/2010 13:35

I would not fancy a drive that long at 36-37 weeks pregnant. I would have been seriously uncomfortable. As an aside, I have a friend who swears that a long journey at 37 weeks caused her baby to turn breech.

GuntherMcKilocodie · 24/02/2010 13:54

I am a bit open mouthed at the unreasonable attitude of your parents. Is it their first grandchild? My Mum raced the 3 hour journey at 5am when I rang to tell her I was in labour. Can't believe their attitude TBH. What is that shite about April being inconvenient because of the weather? Perhaps next time you should run your timing of conception past them to see if that time of year suits them. Beggars belief-glad you have stood your ground.
Also sod the princess stuff-bloody well behave like one; you'll have precious little time for yourself once your little one arrives!

WingedVictory · 24/02/2010 14:51

And if you are so uncomfortable, will you be going outside in the "terrible" April weather anyway? Glad you have got this sorted. Well done!

Original poster
WildSeahorses · 24/02/2010 14:52

at instruction to behave like a princess while I still have the chance!

To answer your question, it is indeed their first grandchild. Am also surprised that they don't seem to be more actively interested (to be fair, they do ask how things are going, but it doesn't go any further than that IYSWIM - no apparent enthusiasm for visiting, no offers of help etc). Can't help but notice the comparison with my lovely MIL, who is thrilled to bits, is showing my scan photos to anyone who'll stand still long enough and who constantly offers to help us (but in a nice way, not a pushy way - bless her).

OP posts:
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