to think ignorance is bliss Re: cheating is a bit mad?

[BritFish]

Was talking to a friend earlier today, she has a lovely man who adores her. We were discussing a soap [only occasional viewer, promise] and the subject of cheating.

Friend then said if someone was cheating on her, she'd rather find out herself or just be kept in the dark!

AIBU to think this is a horrendous attitude to cheating, 'what you dont know cant hurt you'

I'd certainly want to know!

what do you lot think?

another friend has mentioned it'd be 'embarassing' to find out from someone else.
surely not important in the grand scheme of it!

In fact, I have not heard of swabbing of every orifice, for every STI and blood tests at a booking in apt.

That is a full GUM screen.

STI blood tests can only confirm viral STI's.

Many more STI's are bacterial, these can only be confirmed by swabs.

Many of these bacterial STI's can live in the the vagina, throat, colon and urethra.

Bacterial STI's include Chlamydia, the baby blinder.

If you did not have swabs, you did not have a full GUM screen.

There are viral STI's other than HIV and to be tested for these you would have had to give consent, just as with your HIV test.

Sometimes I think people are selfish admitting to an affair - so that they can get rid of their guilt. Only applies to flings though - not full on long term affair thingy.

Personally, I would rather know. The thought of finding out years later and feeling like yoiu have been living a lie....

I think it's sad that people feel they should keep secrets for the other person's good, when the fact is they aren't paying them the respect of allowing them to make a decision of what they want to do.

I would definitely want to know- but I would want my partner to be brave enough to tell me himself.

I wouldn't want to know. There is a value in learning to live with your partner whatever the consequences and growing old with them.
I know a number of people who are happily married, have made it through affairs etc and are facing retirement together hand in hand and in love again.
There is an ebb and flow to relationships and it is easy to be black and white about it but a one off indescretion, whilst hellish, doesn't have to mean the end.
What is utterly abhorant is one of the relationship leaving the other high and dry finnacially after 20-30 years of marriage due to the black and white implosion of an affair. I have seen this and that is a real mess. Noone is happy and the fall out has scarred many.
Before everyone jumps down my neck as I know this is an unfashionable view, a longterm affair is a deal breaker. Constant random shagging around ? no way.
But a one off after a drunken party, yes hell to deal with but bust up a marriage - well depends on the individuals involved.

"My health is extremely important to me, so no way I could ever agree that ignorance is bliss" - very true northernsky!

Thesecondcoming they don't ask you about aids/hiv for stats, they ask because it's nasty and can seriously affect the health of your unborn baby. If they know in advance, they can minimise the risk of your baby contracting it also

twopeople - STD would be least of my worries because I'd have children, new home, upset, depressions etc. to worry about so i wouldn't be rushing off to get checked - I'd probably forget. ie. As soon as I found out he'd cheated, I wouldn't think - OH no, I may have an STD. Thats all, it would be terrible to get one of course.

At this point, I am of the opinion that DH will never cheat. Nothing wrong with that. If it ever did happen, I'd have to re think that opinion, but as it stands i have no reason whatsoever to assume that he may.

I've been married for 20 years if DH had cheated 19 years ago and it was a one off....I wouldn't want to know. I just can't see what good knowing that now after all these years would achieve?

But.....

If DH was cheating now or was a serial cheater then I would definitely want to know.