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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NOT to help ds complete a jigsaw?

39 replies

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 21/02/2010 21:39

He's 10, it's got 250 pieces, the last jigsaw I he made was christmas 2008, he was 'bored' so I gave him the one I brought him for christmas, he asked for help finding the pieces and I said no. I gave him the usual "look for the corners and the edges first and put those together" and left him to it, he's now in bed crying because I won't sit and find the pieces for him, I think he should do it himself so he can be proud of the end result, to teach him patience, perserverance and because if I helped him then it would get done alot quicker and he'd be back to the normal "I'm bored". I do feel really guilty that he's in bed crying now though, was I unreasonable not to help him or should I stand my ground and let him learn this lesson??

OP posts:
BrahmsThirdRacket · 21/02/2010 21:41

YANBU. He's 10. Old enough to learn if you want to do something you have to do it, not rely on others.

Alambil · 21/02/2010 21:43

depends - my ds can't do puzzles at 7 and I doubt he'll be much cop at 10 but that's due to SN

if NT, then no yanbu

Original poster
BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 21/02/2010 21:46

He can do puzzles, he's done bits of it but sulked throughout, sulked whilst getting ready for bed and is still crying. He's just pissed off because I wouldn't sit and find the pieces for him.

OP posts:
compo · 21/02/2010 21:49

Couldn't you have done it together and made it fun so there wasn't all that bad feeling and now you're questioning your reaction ?
Sometimes it's just easier and more relaxing to be their friend rather than trying to teach them ghat the end result makes them feel great iyswim

Original poster
BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 21/02/2010 21:52

He's 10 though Compo and I still do practically everything for him. He rarely makes himself a drink, he puts his laundry in the washing machine, takes his plates into the kitchen when I tell him to but rarely off his own back. He'll be 11 in April, he needs to do things himself. I can't help him do everything forever.

OP posts:
kalo12 · 21/02/2010 21:56

yes yabu, ok he does need to learn to do things himself, but he also has to learn that people are kind

compo · 21/02/2010 21:58

Well just based on your op I think yabu
but I don't know the back story , I don't live in your shoes so it's hard to answer if you're being unreasonable!

BrahmsThirdRacket · 21/02/2010 22:00

I still think YANBU, I teach students who can barely do anything for themselves and it's because their parents have always done everything for them. If he was 7 or 5 I would have said, aww just help him. But he is nearly at senior school.

gaelicsheep · 21/02/2010 22:05

Maybe he didn't want to do it by himself. Jigsaws can be much more fun if someone else is helping you. If he's actually crying about it it sounds like it's about more than the jigsaw tbh. Depending on the circumstances YMBU.

seeker · 21/02/2010 22:07

Does he like doing jigsaws? I love them, but both my children don't enjoy them and are seriously bad at them. They only enjoy a jigsaw if we do it together - neither of them would do one on their own.

I would do the jigsaw with him, but start addressing the other important stuff - a 10 year old can do most things for himself. My dd could cook a simple meal at 10 and now, at 14, can look after herself completely if she needs to.

Why not start with him cooking for the two of you?

Original poster
BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 21/02/2010 22:08

I do everything for him, I'm a single mum so if I don't do it it doesn't get done. This is being kind isn't it? He gets himself dressed in clothes I've choosen/paid for/washed, eats the food I've cooked on plates I've washed, leaves them on the floor more often then not for me to pick up (which I don't, there's yesterdays plates on the floor aswell as todays as he's not taken his into the kitchen), I skip breakfast so I can make his lunch for school, then I get his clothes ready. He has a farking good life, the least he can do is a pissing jigsaw without me, it's not asking too much. His encouragement into self sufficiency started tonight!

OP posts:
mabble · 21/02/2010 22:09

Maybe he just wants to do something and spend time with you?

Original poster
BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 21/02/2010 22:10

I tried the cooking seeker, it was a cheese sandwich using half the block of cheese. The last one he did, I did 99% of. He was on the laptop until I asked him to get off it, that's why he was complaining he was bored. I also suggested cleaning his room.

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Original poster
BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 21/02/2010 22:11

No mabble, he didn't want to find the pieces. I was sitting in the same room not doing anything so I could talk to him.

OP posts:
pointysayhiphip · 21/02/2010 22:12

Making a stand over a jigsaw was a wrong move. Making a jigsaw is not a life skill, it is meant to be fun. It ended up being completely unfun.

Teaching him to make his own snacks is the sort of thing he should be doing. Not necessarily fun but there's a point to it. (Unlike a jigsaw)

Butterfly99 · 21/02/2010 22:12

I also have a ds who is ten, who probably would never chose to do a jigsaw. My dd who is 8, likes doing them, and we really enjoy doing them together. I think it is a nice companiable thing to do. You probably haven't got much longer of him wanting to do that sort of thing with you, so I would make the most of it whilst he still does! You could have had an enjoyable time together but instead he is upset.

ScreaminEagle · 21/02/2010 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 21/02/2010 22:15

It only had 250 pieces though so it's not rocket science. If it was hard then I'd help him.

OP posts:
gaelicsheep · 21/02/2010 22:15

I think you're confusing two completely different issues. Teaching him that he must do things for himself is one thing. Denying him time with his mum if he wants it is something else entirely.

Original poster
BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 21/02/2010 22:18

I wasn't denying him time, I'd never do that. I was in the same room and talking to him.

OP posts:
gaelicsheep · 21/02/2010 22:22

But you were presumably busy doing something else at the same time. It's not the same as having your undivided attention.

claig · 21/02/2010 22:23

When I first read it I thought you right. But now reading the other posters, I think he wanted to enjoy doing it together with you. Go and give him a cuddle

seeker · 21/02/2010 22:23

But if you don't actually enjoy doing jigsaws they are pretty pointless and boring. And not an important life skill, like making a cheese sandwich.

Forget the jigsaw - stop wailing on him hand ad foot, get him to make you a cup of tea occasionally. Oh, and don't wah anything that's not in the washing basket.

tiredlady · 21/02/2010 22:24

This is about more than a jigsaw though isn't it.
You sound stressed and resentful.
I can see your desire to foster more independance in your ds, partly to relieve some of the pressure on you, but this was not the way to do it.
Your ds is upstairs crying. I don't think he has learned anything from this experience.
I'd pick your battles more carefully next time.

Original poster
BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 21/02/2010 22:28

He's had a cuddle , there are bigger things after all.
He's slowly getting self sufficient, I am tired of nagging him though which I have to do most of the time. He'll be making his own breakfast tomorrow though, with me supervising!!

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