NOT to help ds complete a jigsaw?

[BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny]

He's 10, it's got 250 pieces, the last jigsaw I he made was christmas 2008, he was 'bored' so I gave him the one I brought him for christmas, he asked for help finding the pieces and I said no. I gave him the usual "look for the corners and the edges first and put those together" and left him to it, he's now in bed crying because I won't sit and find the pieces for him, I think he should do it himself so he can be proud of the end result, to teach him patience, perserverance and because if I helped him then it would get done alot quicker and he'd be back to the normal "I'm bored". I do feel really guilty that he's in bed crying now though, was I unreasonable not to help him or should I stand my ground and let him learn this lesson??

I think you should have done some of the jigsaw with him tbh.
You say you already do loads for him and name the washing up, cooking, his washing etc, but that is normal stuff. NO 10 year is going to think 'oh I should be grateful my Mum is doing all this stuff to look after me', they just expect it. Thats normal.
The stuff he WILL remember you doing for him and be grateful for is the stuff where you spend time with him that is enjoyable and give him your company. I think thats what he really wanted.
Of course you need to start fostering his independence with the basic day to day stuff, but not by refusing him your company and attention.
Perhaps do the jigsaw together tomorrow as a peace offering?

He's 10 though tiredlady, he should be doing things for himself. I think I am resentful that he's too happy to let me do everything for him whilst he plays on the laptop. I am getting narked about it now, I feel taken for granted. He does make the odd drink though, underpants are put in the washing machine but this is pretty much all he does unless I ask him to do something. I'd like him to make himself a drink, this is his home.

Fluffy right thats it!!!!

Send MY DS1 back!!!!

I think my DB was nearly 30 before he got much further than that.

I said I'd help him with it tomorrow, he asked if I could just point out where some pieces go which I will do. He has to help make his breakfast first though.

So don't do it. If he asks for a drink, say "You know where the fridge/kettle is"

Get him to do real things. Ask him to make you a cup of tea. Send him to the shop for some eggs. Get him to iron his own school shirt. But don;t make him do a jigsaw that he;s not interested in and which has no positive outcome (like a toasted dandwich or some hot chocolate!"

He's 10. You can look after each other a bit at this age, so long as he know you are the hoe with the ultimate "looking after" power!

Thankyou.

Good advice from seeker there.

Sometimes we have these moments of panic, both as parents and children when something insignificant like a jigsaw becomes extremely emotional because it seems to symbolise something bigger, like independence. He could be getting a bit worried about impending adulthood anyway.

My dd who is 13 burst into tears when burning herself slightly on the oven while cooking supper the other night: I thought it was absolutely appalling behaviour from a child her age and got rather irate, but then I realised it was actually about other things.

I do not intend to stop letting her put things in the oven, but I will try not to regard everything she does or messes up as a sign that she will never cope with adulthood. Really. Honestly. I will try

I agree with seeker. The jigsaw puzzle isn't the place to start helping him be self sufficient; if you want him to do more 'real' things around the house, then STOP doing everything for him. If his favourite item of clothing isn't clean when he wants to wear it, perhaps that will encourage him to do some washing, for example. And don't micromanage; if he wants to use half a block of cheese in a sandwich, let him...he'll eventually figure out how to do it with a little moderation.

My DCs are 3 and 2, and they already do 'things' to help, and they LOVE it. It's messy, takes three time longer than if I just did it myself, but they are so pleased with themselves when they've done something. Your DS will feel the same, I'm sure!

i think you are a bit harsh

Agree, get him doing more things for himself, then perhaps you will have more time to do 'fun' things, like make a jigsaw.

Ok, I was harsh It was a teacher training day so I helped him as soon as we woke up.

I don't think you were being harsh. If I understand correctly, he wanted you to do it for him not just to help him??

If he doesn't want to do it then that's fine but he can't expect you to sit and do it for him while he sits and watches without helping!

He woke up before me, came downstairs for a little while then came back up again, when we both went downstairs he'd done most of it anyway so I gave him a hand finishing it off. He was happy with what he had done himself and was pleased I gave him a hand. The last time he had a jigsaw to do I helped him and ended up doin 99% of it myself. It's important for them to see what they can achieve if they have the patience and stamina. It's done now (thank goodness)!