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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dh who snores

40 replies

hypnobabe · 21/02/2010 20:34

dh has moved into spare room so we can all have a better nights sleep. actually getting quite used to it. does anyone think this is a terrible idea that sounds death-knell for marriage?

OP posts:
GetDownYouWillFall · 21/02/2010 20:38

No I think it sounds like a fantastic idea, if we had a spare bed we would do the same!
Make sure you still have cuddles on the sofa, and on the bed during the day when the DC are asleep (if little) or out (if older)

Original poster
hypnobabe · 21/02/2010 20:40

thing is am rather enjoying not being molested at night either by broom handle in back

OP posts:
mumwhereareyou · 21/02/2010 21:42

Hell no, we have just brought a superking bed with 2 mattresses and seperate quilts, have had the best night sleep in years.

DH was/is a very light sleeper i blame the army for that, he used to moan everytime i rolled over or took the quilt. Now have the closeness should i desire and then my own bed and quilt.

Happy DH and me.

sparklycheerymummy · 21/02/2010 21:46

My dp sleeps in another room adn we have become very distant and i have been dealing with our baby ds alone..... quite sad but sleep is essential for all.... just dont let it spoil things x

herbietea · 21/02/2010 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CarGirl · 21/02/2010 22:03

I am

jasper · 21/02/2010 22:28

it's a great idea

mum2all · 21/02/2010 22:40

We would've been the same if we had any spare beds but has he been to docs? SOmetimes snoring is a sign of underlying issues - DH had tonsils/adenoids taken out and I've been a new woman since!

clam · 21/02/2010 22:48

DH and I often do this. We start off together, and end up together the following morning, but the bits inbetween are separate. I think that lack of sleep and the subsequent bad moods that follow, are far greater risks for a marriage.

2old4thislark · 21/02/2010 22:57

I agree clam .Earplugs (for me) and a superking bed have been a life saver though!
We do have a spare room as his snoring is worse after a drink (or two!) or if he has a cold.
When my sleep was disturbed night after night I could have killed him! Without a good nights sleep I'd go insane.

jendaisy · 21/02/2010 23:09

No YANBU. I turfed my OH out of the bed a couple of months ago as his snoring had become terrible - nighttimes were an ongoing pattern of him snoring, me kicking him, him saying 'stop kicking me' in a very angry voice and me going 'well stop bloody snoring then'. Repeat 1,000,000 times per night. I am 18 weeks pregnant and I need my sleep or I just can't function right now. Since his departure into the spare room the pets have migrated onto my bed - I now have 2 cats and 2 dogs to cuddle (or varying combinations of the above), which is great as they don't snore OR hassle me for a shag! Everyone's a winner!

jendaisy · 21/02/2010 23:11

Oh, forgot to mention, my OH has a special talent of being able to snore when he is awake too! All he needs to do is lie horizontal and he's there! Magic!

CelticStarlight · 21/02/2010 23:16

Just wanted to give hope to the other halves of snorers on here 'cause there really are solutions out there. My DH used to snore terribly - I could hear him downstairs when he was asleep upstairs, even when I had the telly on.

Eventually he went to see his GP as I just couldn't sleep and we didn't want to sleep in separate rooms. GP referred us to the hospital and the hospital put DH under anaesthetic to see why he was snoring. There are two types of snoring, one where the soft palate vibrates and one where the jaw falls back as the snorer sleeps. The one where the palate vibrates responds better to sprays etc that you can buy over the counter but to deal with it properly they can operate by cutting the soft palate (obviously under anaesthetic) so that the scarred tissue isn't able to vibrate in the same way.

The other form of snoring, where the jaw falls back, is stopped by the snorer wearing a device in their mouth which is a bit like a gum shield. This is what my DH now uses and I have to say it is a miracle - it is not conducive to snogging when he uses it though!

Hope that helps a few people, it is miserable when you have a partner that snores.

Kewcumber · 21/02/2010 23:21

I am a snorer and was diagnosed with sleep apnoea (where you stop breathing when you sleep) - one of the symptoms is snoring (not all snorers have sleep apnoea). Its a life threatening condition so agree with those who say that your DP should talk to his GP - you can indicate whether someone might have sleep apnoea just by answering some questions ot see if a sleep study is necessary.

He's probably fine, just has an irritating snoring habit - but well worth checking it out.

hmc · 21/02/2010 23:35

I'm a snorer too. Shit - you've scared me now kewcumber

ShinyAndNew · 21/02/2010 23:40

I wish I could have a spare room. I have one, yes, one full nights sleep since I met DH. If he snores downstairs, you can still hear him upstairs.

He slept at his sisters one night and honestly I was like a the duracell bunny on the speed the next day. I felt great. Most mornings I have to drag myself out of bed and don't come around fully untill well after lunch.

YANBU. I think it would be better for your marriage tbh. My tiredness and resentment of DH for the lack of proper sleep cause a lot of problems in our relationship.

DH has been to the GP, but he just dismisses him and tells him to lose weight. Which he doesn't.

thumbwitch · 21/02/2010 23:44

I don't think it's a death knell at all - I think more problems come from the resentment and tiredness that build up if you can't sleep! DH and I have slept in separate beds since DS was born over 2y ago, mostly because I co-slept and he decided that there wasn't enough room for him as well (good call) and "he needs his sleep" - don't we all?

Anyway, we "come together" when necessary and then sleep in separate beds - much better all round!

Treeesa · 21/02/2010 23:48

OMG my DH is the worst.. His snoring has developed into a rasp - it sounds like he is sawing a plank of wood..

I have tried strips across his nose, nasal spray (works quite well but don't think it is safe to use every night) and usually sharp digs to the ribs (works the best).. Snoring is ALWAYS brought on by drinking and lying on his back..

My advice is that if the spare room is free then it will work wonders for your sleep, which in turn will give you more energy to be up for some visitations in the night..!

GoddessInTheKitchen · 21/02/2010 23:53

hmmmm, i'm not sure about this, i mean are you guys really happy not sleeping together? don't you miss the closeness and midnight cuddles and such? i think i'd just use earplugs if i couldn't sleep through the snoring (dp snores very loudly btw)

i however have a different problem, dss age 5 has just inherited dp's snoring ability and we are having problems with it keeping dd age 4 awake all night on the weekends he stays! no spare room here... what to do about that? any suggestions

Treeesa · 22/02/2010 00:06

I really like to sleep together.. but I work night shifts and my sleeping pattern is so messed up that on days that I am 'normal' (trying to sleep at night), if my DH does start snoring then I wake up and then can't get back to sleep again.. So if he's had a drink then he's automatically banished to the spare room - usually he's far more friskier so I bribe him with a carrot.. Actually if I'm honest then it's then usually me that goes to the spare room as he tends to be a fast sleeper after that sort of nonsense...!!

Tortington · 22/02/2010 00:10

i'd just use earplugs - but can't quite figure out how i would hear the alarm in the morning.

dh has recently stated smacking his lips together like a fucking cow on acid - its driving me nuts.

only a couple of years til one of the kids move out then i swear to god either him or me is having a different room.

ThatVikRinA22 · 22/02/2010 00:11

i am also

was actually considering moving house to get a spare room!

he drives me nuts. i think lack of sleep and resentment is the death knell for a marriage - being considerate enough to move out and let you sleep isnt!

alypaly · 22/02/2010 00:12

hypno...my EX (EX) had his throat lasered as i couldnt stand his snoring. I used to take a quilt and sleep on the settee downstairs. He never noticed til the morning. Really screwed my sleep patterns up. Th eop worked initially but then we split up for other reasons. When he comes s to see the children now and stays over he still snores. We can all hear him. It really rocked our relationship as going to bed became a real issue.

clam · 22/02/2010 07:44

Actually, our issue isn't snoring, but the fact that DH is an insomniac and now simply cannot get to sleep if there is ANY noise at all, which includes me breathing or moving. I find therefore that I'm stuck on one side, with pins and needles all down my arm, unable to turn over as he'll yell that he was just dropping off and I've woken him again!
"are you guys really happy not sleeping together? don't you miss the closeness and midnight cuddles and such?" Errr..... no. DH is far more likely to get up close and personal with me if we're not screaming at each other throughout the night.

Lovecat · 22/02/2010 07:57

Jendaisy, are we married to the same man? DH can do this too - on the sofa, watching telly, suddenly I hear this pigsnort - look over and he's wide awake! not even aware he's doing it!

I've posted about it before I and I do think he may have some sort of sleep apnea issues but despite nagging he hasn't been to the GP yet, so the spare room sees more use than I'd like...

My problem is once I've been woken I can't get back to sleep unless there's silence, so what generally happens is DD will stir, it will wake me immediately, it will wake DH just enough to start snoring, and then I'm awake all night (or it's the spare room for me!). Grr....

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