to not take this strangers advice to smack my DS?

[Coldhands]

Out today, DS (2) decides he doesn't want to get in his car seat. Arching his back etc. Tried reasoning etc, wouldn't do it so we got out and left him sitting in the back seat while we stood outside the car. Ignoring him seems to be the best way.

We then ran into someone my DH works with and his DP (who we had never met). We said about DS not getting in his car seat and she turned around and said "who are the parents here" grrrrr. I said yes thats us but when he is arching his back, you physically can't get him in the seat. She then said "well what you do is pull his trousers down and smack his bottom" in a pretty patronising tone. I just looked at her and calmly said "I don't like smacking". She looked at me as if to say 'oh one of those parents who don't discipline' and said her DD didn't smack her DS for 4 years until he laughed in her face then she lost it and smacked him and he was really shocked. I said I smacked my DS once and it didn't work, and I didn't like it so I wasn't going to do that. I was getting pretty at this point. They also said DS was a naughty boy who wouldn't do as he was told. Me and DH told them he had been a model child all week and he is generally very well behaved, but he is 2 so he is not always going to be 'perfect'.

They then stood there looking in the car and pointing making it obvious they were talking about DS whereas we just completely ignore him. They also said why don't we take him out of the car and drive off (I'm pretty sure they were joking but who knows).

I was getting really pissed off whilst our parenting was clearly 'soft' to these idiots and they continued to stand there and talk to us while I was getting irate but my DH said I restrained myself very well. I then went back to DS who had had enough and got himself in his seat, the result I knew would come through ignoring him.

They finally buggered off after this. AIBU for not taking a perfect strangers advice and getting really pissed off about their attitude in general.

That's terrible! I think it's illegal to smack children in Scotland (which really brings home to me how bad it is).

My parents are like this - absolutely certain that a good smack does a child no harm at all. I have tried to talk to them about it (when the subject comes up) and they just won't budge - convinced you cannot get by without smacking children.

I would be furious with those people and I almost think it's a shame you restrained yourself!

yanbu - Anyone that interferes in this way is being unreasonable imo. You are the parents, it is no one else's business at all how you choose to discipline your child.

Not wanting to get into car seat is not necessarily 'naughty' imo. Humans have an inbuilt 'fear' or 'dislike' of being restrained; it is a survival aid. Toddlers just cannot control their gut reactions as well as (most) adults can. Some adults never learn to control their gut instincts, so it is totally unacceptable, imo humble opinion, to expect a toddler to do so. Showing them the way with firm, consistent boundaries is my way. Well done you for standing up to her.

I have no huge ideological problem with children getting the odd smack, but it rarely works, so is probably more about the parent letting off steam than any useful disciplinary measure.

I think this couple were very rude to you on this occasion, and I would have really had to bite my tongue in such a situation. YANBU.

I had a similar thing once when a bloke of about 60 came up to me totally out of the blue and told me off for driving DS2 to school, and said we should walk. "He's disabled" I tried to point out. "Well, my grandson's in a wheelchair and I push him everywhere" the guy responded. "Would you push him eight miles a day, because that's what our school runs involve" I replied. The bloke just huffed off, muttering.

People should mind their own business and if they can't be nice, they should keep their gobs shut.

He's only two, you are going to meet a lot more people with opinions on how you should raise your children as the years roll by. Especially if any of your children have a sn.
Don't get into a dialogue with them if you feel irritated by them. Not worth the stress.
Ignore them. I often sing quietly under my breath when I feel a civil response escaping me.

"I don't need to justify my parenting choices to you!"

Meet rude with rude

agree with goblinchild, but i personally disagree with letting children choose when they 'feel' like doing as they are told, if i tell dd to do something i expect her to do it as one day it may save her life (not going ott its just what i believe)
what i find works with a child arching their back is to tickle their sides and quickly strap them in as they stop arching

btw those people were very rude and i would've wanted to smack them

Very rude and overbearing. Treat them in exactly the same way you treat your DS when he is acting up - ignore them .

(good tip re tickling, though!)

How rude. yanbu

You could have responded thus:

"Smacking... what a good idea"

And then punched her full in the face.

Or was that not what she meant?

You should follow my new parenting philosophy - it's called Unsolicited Advice.

Basically you do to your child WHATEVER other people suggest, whether you know them or not.

The idea is that you can't parent your child properly, because you love him and that blinds you to his faults and how they can be easily corrected.

So, YABU.

You should have pulled down his pants and smacked his bare bottom right there in the car park for everyone to see.

If you'd have smacked him somebody would have taken down your reg and called the police.
You did absolutely the right thing, expect you should have turned your back and ignored the pair of idiots.

Was this her?

YANBU

You should have told her to mind her own business.

YANBU. I'd have said "I'm so glad that worked for you" and then promptly gone on with what you were doing.

You were very restrained for not telling her bugger off though! [smile}

Justanothermanicmummy I've reported that just in case it causes problems.

Just be dismissive .Say 'thanks for your advice but that's not how we do things round here.'
If you try and argue back,justify yourself or make a smart retort you show them they've got to you.

you need to put a knee into his chest and push until he sits

@ justanothermanicmummy

'you need to put a knee into his chest and push until he sits'

But listen for the crunching noise as his ribs begin to give way.

id have told her how would you like having your trousers pulled down and a bottom smacked!

I loathe smacking children, its not necessary at all and for me shows all the wrong morals in life!

or just drive off and say to him - 'well if we crash, you'll die and its your fault you didn't get into your car seat like a good little toddler, like I told you to.' (obviously, after you have smacked him, very hard.)

Just tell the police you are being a good parent, they'll understand.

id have told her how would you like having your trousers pulled down and a bottom smacked!

What if she's taken you up on the offer ?

Oh I'm sorry Goblin do your children not bend in the middle?

Ha ha ha ha tether....tempting. so many people think they know how to parent OTHER people's dos. you are so not being unreasonable ! more like saints!!!!

!! how patronising!!

fully support not resorting to smacking and oh look your approach sorted ds out without resorting to viloence - which i think takes more patience.

good for you!