to not take this strangers advice to smack my DS?

[Coldhands]

Out today, DS (2) decides he doesn't want to get in his car seat. Arching his back etc. Tried reasoning etc, wouldn't do it so we got out and left him sitting in the back seat while we stood outside the car. Ignoring him seems to be the best way.

We then ran into someone my DH works with and his DP (who we had never met). We said about DS not getting in his car seat and she turned around and said "who are the parents here" grrrrr. I said yes thats us but when he is arching his back, you physically can't get him in the seat. She then said "well what you do is pull his trousers down and smack his bottom" in a pretty patronising tone. I just looked at her and calmly said "I don't like smacking". She looked at me as if to say 'oh one of those parents who don't discipline' and said her DD didn't smack her DS for 4 years until he laughed in her face then she lost it and smacked him and he was really shocked. I said I smacked my DS once and it didn't work, and I didn't like it so I wasn't going to do that. I was getting pretty at this point. They also said DS was a naughty boy who wouldn't do as he was told. Me and DH told them he had been a model child all week and he is generally very well behaved, but he is 2 so he is not always going to be 'perfect'.

They then stood there looking in the car and pointing making it obvious they were talking about DS whereas we just completely ignore him. They also said why don't we take him out of the car and drive off (I'm pretty sure they were joking but who knows).

I was getting really pissed off whilst our parenting was clearly 'soft' to these idiots and they continued to stand there and talk to us while I was getting irate but my DH said I restrained myself very well. I then went back to DS who had had enough and got himself in his seat, the result I knew would come through ignoring him.

They finally buggered off after this. AIBU for not taking a perfect strangers advice and getting really pissed off about their attitude in general.

Oooh I don't think I've been reported before!

YANBU - for the simple reason it is up to parents to decide how to deal with their children not other people.

My opinion on smacking however is slightly different to the majority on here. I do think it has a time and place in disciplining a child.

OMG, some of these replies have really made me laugh!

I like the tickling idea, never thought of that and I will definately be trying that next time.

JustanotherManicMummy Love it!

I also like the reply about driving off and explaining to the police that I was being a good parent. Can you imagine their faces!

I also thought if I had smacked him (which I had no intention of doing at anytime) that I probably would have had more people on at me for that. As it was, no one took any notice and we were parked right outside a very busy shop.

I thought about asking her if she would like a smack but she looked a bit rough and they were also telling us about someone blocking their car in the other day and beeping at them and they said this other person was lucky they didn't get out and punch them, showed me exactly the sory of people they were. (Plus if I did try to hit her, she probably would have laughed in my face, I'm not exactly strong).

I understood why DS was upset though. We had dragged him around a couple of boring shops in his pushchair when he wanted to get out and walk, then we wanted him to go back in the car so we could go to yet another boring shop. It is frustrating for them, and us, when they won't bloody sit in the seat. I did try forcibly (without causing him pain) bending him and it just doesn't work. Waiting and ignoring seems to be better at the moment.

I'm an occasional smacker- I know that's not a popular view on here.

However, even with that in mind, I think YANBU at all!!!! My friends don't smack, and although we do, I'd never dream of preaching to them or suggesting our way is best. Parent your children how you see fit!!!

'Oh I'm sorry Goblin do your children not bend in the middle? '

Teenagers are not generally known for their flexibility. I have a hard enough time getting the 19 year old out of my car seat.

I don't think smacking a two year old who is protesting about a car seat would work. Pushing on his crotch so that the other parent can get the straps on probably would, though. Like the 1970s rock group's name - Polite Force.

BoffinMum No I really couldn't see how smacking DS was going to get him to go in his carseat. If anything it would have upset him and made him worse. The one time I did smack him (he was kicking me in the stomach when I was changing his nappy, it was quite a while ago) it just upset him more, didn't stop him kicking and made me feel dreadful and all I felt like was that I had totally lost control. In the end, we found different ways to distract him and he never kicked again. Problem sorted without smacking.

I know the odd person who gives their DCs a tap on the hand, which is ok if thats what they want to do. Smacking is just not for me (and many others I think).

It's not illegal to smack children in Scotland. A bill was proposed for this but didn't get passed.
I think up to parents how they discipline their children within reason.

My ds has M.E and a few years ago before he was diagnosed he was crying with pain as we walked the short distance home ....some 'bloke' said to me 'he needs a good hiding' well I saw RED angrily i shouted back at him yeah that will solve everything wont it? shall i get my dh to hit you stop you being such a tosser and ranted on and on dh pulled up in the car and picked ds up and lay him on the back seat .....the bloke mumbled an apology and almost ran away......

You should have smacked her in the chops! Cheeky and rude cow. Let's hope she's not got kids.

lmao @ tethersend...

smacking wouldnt have made any difference - and would just have made everyone more grumpy/fed up. This woman sounds like a right charmer NOT.

the tickling is a good idea and I used to use this on my 2 when they were toddlers. When they arch their back and push against you, there is little you can do but try to reason or ignore.

Why do strangers feel the need to interfere with others' parenting styles?

thehillsarealive I saw the thread about the cinema. YANBU. Why would anyone take a toddler to the cinema. We watch a film at home sometimes but DS does have a wander around half way through. That mother was just ignorant.

nickschick I have M.E. too, part of the reason why I cannot wrestle a very strong toddler into his seat (plus DH couldn't either). What an ignorant twat that man was. Bet he thought twice after you ranted at him. How would a 'good hiding' solve anything?!

Oh and this woman also offered to do it for me!!!!!! I really would have knocked her out if she tried that!

Crikey. At first i thought the woman was bound to be someone who had never had kids. We've all been there with the two year old who won't get into their car seat. Silly woman was obviously a mum so long ago that she has forgotten what it is like. How rude of her!

ROFL at howmuchdidyousay "What if she had taken you up on the offer."

Actually, having read the whole thread through, if she is threatening to punch people for blocking her in then she just sounds like a nasty piece of work. Although being blocked in is rather annoying!

OP, no-one ever needs to explain why they won't strike another human being in order to get them to do something.
Except possibly torturers, etc.

Advocates of the "never did me any harm" view need to be reminded that it obviously DID, as they still favour physical abuse of those smaller and weaker than themselves.

Wankers.

Another vote for tickling. Works a treat everytime.

Echt,

I guess in the same sense as those who favour the "naughty step" or "time out" were abused by the psychological tortures of stress positions and solitary confinement as children.

Smacking when used correctly is no more physical abuse than the "naughty" step and "time out" are psychological abuse.

She should not have told you to smack your DS, but as an aside, I don't tolerate either of my children (2 and 4) refusing to get into their carseats. I am quite firm with discipline in the car (danger element), although I am less so in the house.

I don't smack them and I don't hurt them, but I am much bigger and stronger than them so I am able to stop their arching by putting my forearm across their stomach and pelvis area (so pressing on the seat either side, not on them but not allowing them to arch and wriggle out of the seat - my arm is like a bar across the seat).

Also, you can loosen the straps to get them in and then tighten them once you have them in if they are wriggling.

Coldhands - I didn't see your post where you said you had ME and couldn't wrestle with a strong toddler. Guess it is something I take for granted, sorry.

No problem Noktok does make it very hard work sometimes, thats why I resort to irgnoring until he gets bored. I have loosened the straps before like you said and it sometimes works, I tried it yesterday but everytime I got him in the chair he slid down to the floor with his arms above his head so they slid out of the straps, that was the main problem! And my DH said he tried tickling but I'm wondering if he got the 'right' place as my DS is very very tickly and it should have worked.