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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not make my mind up!

36 replies

rubetube · 20/02/2010 13:01

My husband wants to find out the sex of the baby on my 20 week scan. I am on the fence, Did you ladies find out? Would you find out again?

OP posts:

KimiGaveUpStarbucks4Lent · 20/02/2010 13:09

DS1 the hospital would not tell us
DS2 found out at 20 weeks
If I was having more (I am not) I would find out.

Congratulations

TottWriter · 20/02/2010 13:11

I didn't find out first time around, and the moment of "it's a boy!" when my son was born was far nicer than it would have been if I couldn't have held him after knowing. But then, while pregnant, I wanted a girl. Seeing my son meant I was not disappointed at all (far from it, I was overjoyed!), and I'm not sure I could have said the same at a scan.

This time round (I'm 19wks), I'm not sure. Still umming and ahhing myself, I'm afraid.

compo · 20/02/2010 13:11

I found out, I loved knowing
We didn't tell anyone else so it was our secret

Morloth · 20/02/2010 13:15

With DS1 we didn't find out - that was fun!

With DS2 (now 36 weeks) we did find out - that was fun as well!

I kind of wanted to know with DS2 in case he was a girl so I could get my head around the idea of a daughter before she arrived. As it is he was quite happy to show off his willy so no mind adjustments required just yet.

GetDownYouWillFall · 20/02/2010 13:16

I found out first time round, but if we have another I think I will want a surprise!

twotimes · 20/02/2010 13:18

First time I was pressured into finding out and did, was still happy but second time around I absolutely put my foot down and refused, we still made daft guesses at the scans (i had loads so it became a big strain not to find out). Seeing dd when she came out (DH immediately stated "He's a boy" until midwife went "er no she's not") was the best surprise of my life not just because she was a girl (was happy either way) but literally because of the surprise factor.

If I had anymore i wouldn't find out? On the other hand I know most of my friends find out and they feel the joy then, my friend said finding out she was pregnant was enough surprise she didn't want any more.

kinnies · 20/02/2010 13:18

We found out with Ds and then Dd.
I think it helped us to bond.
Am pg with Dc3 (17weeks) and I really dont mind what we have at all! Still think we will find out though.
Good luck!

GhoulsAreLoud · 20/02/2010 13:19

Didn't find out with DD and regretted it as I was reeling too much from the birth to appreciate it really.

This time - had our 20 week scan on Thurs, decided to find out the sex. Baby had it's legs crossed! So frustrating, probably a girl but want to know for sure so off for a private scan in about half an hour.

I can't belive I went from adamantly not wanting to know first time round, to paying for the privelege this time!

Maleeka · 20/02/2010 13:23

Didnt find out the sex of any of my 3, even after being asked repeatedly when i was pregnant for the 3rd time after having 2 girls.

Quite frankly all i wanted was a healthy baby and even after i had given birth, the midwife said "hmm well do you want to know what it is?"

I wasnt remotely bothered and was just happy the pain was over My dad was a happy bunny that i had my son tho and went out to buy a train set!

Congrats to you

scratchet · 20/02/2010 13:28

I found out all 3 times.

With my 3rd, ds2 12 weeks, I didn't want to find out but dh did and i relented. Wish i hadn't though as i love surprises.

I didn't mind what sex with any of them, not sure if this makes a difference to some ladies.

weegiemum · 20/02/2010 13:34

I never found out, any of the three times! My kids are 10, 8, 6 and I get the impression that finding out has become much more common even since dd2 was born.

I loved not knowing, I loved the moment of surprise and joy when they said "Oh! A lovely girl/boy ...."

I think people can kid themselves into "it helps you bond" etc. Didn't make any difference to me - it was my baby I was bonding with

TidyBush · 20/02/2010 13:35

Didn't find out with either of mine and I was delighted both times.

If I were to be pregnant now I still wouldn't want to know even though I've got 2 girls.

There are so few surprises in life these days so I'd like to enjoy those that are left.

Congratulations by the way

TulipsInTheRain · 20/02/2010 13:37

never found out with any of my three and was glad i didn't... it's a great moment seeing for yourself as they're born (although with all three i had such a strong hunch i'd bought gender specific clothes and was right each time so i'm not sure it counts that i didn't have it confirmed!)

mum2all · 20/02/2010 14:16

Have never found out with any of mine and have to say the expectation has sometimes been the only thing to keep me going in the final few weeks.

Congratulations, hope all goes well for you

GypsyMoth · 20/02/2010 14:38

dd1...hosp wouldnt tell us
dd2...found out
ds1...found out
ds2...hosp wouldnt tell us but i saw
ds3...decided not to find out,but i saw!!

if i did it again,which i wont,i would prefer not to know. surprise is the best bit

Astrid28 · 20/02/2010 15:00

I didn't find out because I was absolutely positive that it was going to be a boy. I decorated the nursery neutrally so I could just add blue bits when he arrived. I did buy a blue gingham b/fing cushion....

My daughter was gorgeous and a wonderful surprise!!

I loved the surprise - I didn't love the 'I KNEW it!'s' from DH!

Original poster

rubetube · 20/02/2010 17:25

I think the general concensus is not to find out! lol x

OP posts:

Mumcentreplus · 20/02/2010 17:37

I really really wanted to know and both times they had their legs crossed!! ..my DH didn't want to know with the first but didn't mind with the secon

MathsMadMummy · 20/02/2010 17:57

I did with both my 2. As PP said, really helped the bonding (especially 2nd time round for my DD to know her brother!) and we chose the names.

IMHO if you have any 'feeling' on what sex baby is, or especially if you hope it's one in particular, it's better to find out. If you go through the whole 40wks convinced it's one and then it's t'other, it can be a bit of a let down. Not saying you'd be disappointed and obviously you'll love baby no matter what, I'm just going on friends' experiences. I vaguely hoped for a boy first time, so it was good I found out at 20wks we were having a girl as I had time to get excited about all the pink . 2nd time I was convinced it was a boy and we hoped for one, couldn't possibly have waited until the birth!

having said that if we were to have a 3rd (very very unlikely!) I'd probably like a surprise. We have 1 of each now, which is just what we dreamed of, so I wouldn't mind about the sex.

BalloonSlayer · 20/02/2010 18:01

I didn't find out with any of mine but DH was certain that the first was a boy, and he was, and certain that the second was a girl, and she was. So it didn't feel like much of a surprise.

Third DC, DH wanted to find out and I didn't. He thought it was a girl. I didn't care either way. It was fab surprise when DS2 was born!! Felt like the only one that was actually a surprise.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 20/02/2010 18:03

Didn't for 1 and 2, did for 3 but wouldn't have done if circumstances hadn't developed.

I think it is a shame that people can't just wait.

EdgarAllenSnow · 20/02/2010 18:08

didn't find out and don't intend to. not that ds being a boy was a suprise, cos we were pretty sure we saw his winky on the ultrasound...

i like suprises though.

TarkaLiotta · 20/02/2010 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WidowWadman · 20/02/2010 18:17

We didn't find out with our daughter, and even though I wanted to initially I'm glad my husband talked me out of it.

I don't think it would have made any difference for bonding - we picked out names for either flavour, but since we we didn't want to reveal our name choices pre birth either, during pregnancy we referred to her only as Horatio Lord Nelson, or HLN for short, as this was the most ridiculous thing we could come up with at the time. Mind Horatio had grown on us after a while, so maybe she's lucky she's not a boy.

Anyway, what I liked was that after 9 months of knowing/feeling etc everything first, it was my husband who found out the sex before me and could tell me.

sunshiney · 20/02/2010 18:33

That's nice what widowwadman said, just reminded me my dh knew dd was a dd first when she was born!

My opinion is only find out if you are totally sure you have no preference. People say it's good to have time to get used to the idea, but really I think it's better to be handed your lovely newborn and be told then what you have! No time for whatifs of vague diasppointment then!

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