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Original poster

To be thinking twice about going to nephew's birthday party?

35 replies

Meandacat · 20/02/2010 00:44

I'm expecting my first baby at the end of March. Nephew's birthday (5th this year) is a fortnight exactly before my due date.

My nephew is totally adorable and there is normally no way we'd miss his birthday, but I'm feeling anxious about going over this year. They are a good hour's drive away (mix of country road and motorway) but the main problem is that DH doesn't drive so it's all down to me and I'm worried about what would happen if I felt unwell, or too tired or, worst case, went into labour. I don't know how we'd get ourselves or our car home. DH's parents don't drive either (due to medical condition). Anyway, someone would need to drive us home in our own car so that it wouldn't be abandoned at SIL's, but then how would that driver get home? All that side of the family are a good hour away.

Added to this is the fact that B/SIL have promised us a car seat. I've asked over and over for the past month when they are free for us to visit and pick it up but for reasons I can never fathom, they are very hard to pin down. They've even been over our way recently but not thought to let us know or drop by (and yes, this would have been perfectly feasible). When I last spoke to SIL she said that "worst case scenario, they'd bring the car seat when they came to see me in the hospital". Er... not my idea of a good plan.

I don't know what to do. If DH could drive, there'd be no problem. Am I just being really stupid and over-cautious?

OP posts:
jasper · 20/02/2010 00:50

You are not happy to go.
Don't go.

The car seat is a different issue. Giving it to you in the hospital is time enough.

good luck with the birth

Original poster
Meandacat · 20/02/2010 01:06

Well, the thing is, I'm pretty sure SIL is just thinking that we'll def. be over for nephew's birthday and can therefore just collect the car seat then. Which is what I'd been thinking too until I started to wonder if it was such a good idea. You're right - I'd be happier not to go. But if I don't, I offend her and complicate the car seat collection. So that's two black marks against my name.

Is it time enough? I'm not really fancying the idea of trying to work out how to fit a car seat and strap in new baby in a busy hospital car park when I just want to get home. This is all entirely new stuff to us.

But thanks for the good luck wishes.

OP posts:
jasper · 20/02/2010 01:18

Yes it is def time enough. Fitting a car seat is very easy.

Explain to SIL you are not feeling great /late pregnancy jitters and will have to miss the party

lilolilmanchester · 20/02/2010 01:23

As Jasper said, if you feel unhappy don't go. I do think there are ways round all the obstacles you present, but if you don't feel comfortable with that, just stand your ground. And the petrol you will save by not travelling for 1+ hour each way will contribute towards a new car seat.

ScreaminEagle · 20/02/2010 01:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LyraSilvertongue · 20/02/2010 01:33

I wasn't keen on straying too far from home in the last weeks of my first pregnancy, just in case. In the end DS1 was four days late but you don't know what could happen. If you're not happy with it don't go.

LyraSilvertongue · 20/02/2010 01:36

On the car seat issue, if it's a standard one it will take seconds to fit. But can your SIL be sure she'll be visiting you in the hospital? Many people are on their way home just a few hours after giving birth.

kindbutnotrich · 20/02/2010 01:43

I went to my sister's wedding 4 hours away from home the week before DD was due. i just made contingency arrangements. Depends how much you want to go vs how much advance planning you want to make. I take it you don't really want to goQ

PurpleCrazyHorse · 20/02/2010 08:46

I would drive up soon and pick up the car seat, see nephew and leave gift/card. Then if you don't fancy the drive to the party you've already dropped the gift off and don't need to worry about it with a new baby.

FWIW I was 2.5 weeks early with my first!

Intergalactic · 20/02/2010 08:51

If you do go into labour at the party, chances are it'll start very slowly and you'll feel fine to drive yourself home. But if you don't feel comfortable, don't go.

PurpleCrazyHorse's idea sounds v good to me.

Intergalactic · 20/02/2010 08:54

To add, fitting our car seat was a PITA and it took me a few weeks to feel confident we had it right. If you can't pick it up from SIL soon then I'd be tempted just to get your own. You could tell her you need one to fit your travel system?

OhYouBadBadKitten · 20/02/2010 08:59

I think the car seat fitting can be an issue in some cars, we tried several types and in the end we had to take ours to a specialist place where they fitted a new bit of seatbelt.

QuestionsAnswered · 20/02/2010 09:00

TBH, if you feel ok physically to drive, then I would go. 2 weeks before your due date is plenty of time, you will have no idea of when you are going to go in to labour and if you stop doing things so early and go two weeks over, you will be puling your hair our.

Go, pick up the car seat and you will all be happy.

Congratulations btw!

Heated · 20/02/2010 09:03

PurpleCrazyHorse has it right. Say you wanted to drop off the present early just in case and pick up the car seat. I finished work at 38 weeks and what made me stop then was not work but the driving commute with braxton hicks.

Not having the car seat beforehand would bug me as you could be in and out of the hospital very quickly and, even if not, car-seats can be tricky when you're not familiar with them and need a bit of time to be fitted - coming out of hospital with a nb is not the time to be working it out.

Original poster
Meandacat · 20/02/2010 09:40

Thanks everyone. PurpleCrazyHorse does indeed make total sense, but I do not have the type of relationship with SIL where I just drop in and as I said, we've been asking for the last month about when would be convenient to come over and we keep being fobbed off. What makes this more infuriating is that in the few weekends I have left I am also trying to organise time to see other friends and family.

I know the chances of anything happening on the day are minimal and a big part of me feels like an idiot because of this. I think it was my neighbour suddenly going into labout 3 weeks early that has made me wary. Part of me just can't help feeling it would be sod's law, and there really is no-one to take us home but me (and it's not a pleasant/easy drive either). If I thought there was, I wouldn't hesitate to go.

So I suppose the upshot is that no, I don't really want to go. I'd only be going for sake of nephew (we always feel bad that we don't see him as much as SIL's side of the family) and because I have no f*ing idea how I'm going to get this car seat otherwise. DH is not close to his brother and SIL is very well-meaning but really does know how to push our buttons. Tbh, if we could have afforded a new car seat, we wouldn't have taken them up on their offer as I prefer not to have to depend on them.

You know, I think I'm going to just dump this on DH. It's his not being able to drive that's complicating matters and I'm tired trying to organise everything when it concerns his family.

OP posts:
thehillsarealive · 20/02/2010 09:45

maybe the bigger issue here is that your husband cant drive. Could you do something about that? The onus being on you when you are heavily pregnant is a huge one.

I know - my husband didnt drive when we got married and I drove myself to hospital when we were having our first child (not in labour, to be induced) but that was bad enough.

Original poster
Meandacat · 20/02/2010 10:09

Yes, thehillsarealive, that is the heart of the issue here. It's been a bone of contention for a long time. He failed his test three times, got disillusioned and gave up. He is now learning again, and will hopefully have passed his test by the summer. But it's still down to me in the meantime to get us from A to B.

I mean, the birth? I'm not really worried about labour - it'll go the way it goes. But getting to the hospital? And him being able to visit me when I'm there? And coming home? I'm having to work out the various logistical contingencies when all I really want to do is buy baby things!

OP posts:
GoldenSnitch · 20/02/2010 10:20

I would pick it up ASAP. As heated says, you may not be in labour but driving with BH is very uncomfortable. I stayed very close to home at the end of my first pregnancy. I think it's normal to be a little precious with yourself at that time.

I wouldn't count of your SIL being able to visit you in hospital to drop the seat off either. I had DD 9 weeks ago and there were no visitors allowed on the ward except partners and siblings because of swine flu!

If she can't be tied down to a date to pick it up and isn't prepared to drop it off before your due date, I'd look at buying a new one.

LIZS · 20/02/2010 10:34

It is only an hour away ! You are very unlikely to be so far down the line that you won't be able to drive back. I had period type cramps for hours. If you feel nervous on the day you just don't set out. Remember she has had a baby/ies so will understand your apprehension, if perhaps with a touch of pfb cynicism. Plan to go but ask her to bring the seat over if she is around before then or to hospital if you don't make it. Surely she can show dh how to fit it in a car even if he doesn't drive. How do you plan to get home from hospital ?

SeasideLil · 20/02/2010 11:10

About husbands and driving, my husband failed his test spectacularly having not driven at all til his mid-thirties. It became a bit of a taboo subject in our house, if I even mentioned it, he'd get very cross. In the end, he passed the automatic test which he found very easy, it is a bit of a PITA to have to have an automatic car (and it doesn't meet the 'masculinity' standard of crunching the gears and talking about engine size) but it's been a good solution for us given we live in a rural area and he just has to have a car, not like when we lived in London. Just an idea for if he fails again...

Coldhands · 20/02/2010 11:55

Haven't read all the replies. But I was 10 days early with my first so not all first timers go overdue.

When I was that pregnant I had to stop driving as I was pretty big and it was really awkward. I definately couldn't have driven somewhere that far. If you don't feel comfortable, you have a perfectly ligitimate reason for not going. Especially like you said, how would you get back if something did happen.

Use the last couple of weeks to rest as much as possible and get ready.

123andaway · 20/02/2010 12:14

I don't think you should go. Not because you are likely to go into labour and not be able to drive back within the space of an hour, but because you are (understandably) feeling uncomfortable with going.

If SIL isn't keen on visitors is is possible that you could post your nephew a small present or voucher.

Could you use the money you would save on the petrol going over there towards a cheap first stage car seat, just to tide you over?

I wouldn't rely on you SIL being able to bring it to the hospital. If you have an uncomplicated birth they may well chuck you out after 4 hours/first thing the next morning.

solo · 20/02/2010 12:37

I would still drive if it was me, but then again, I was still riding a motorbike at 38 weeks...

If I was in your position, feeling as you do; I think I'd get onto my local Freecycle/Freegle group and ask for a car seat. No, you won't know the history, but I believe in my heart of hearts that no parent would pass on a baby seat(especially for a nb)that had been in an accident. I passed mine on via Freecycle and even cleaned it all thoroughly before I gave it away(I know not everyone does though!).
If you can do it this way, you don't need to keep worrying about your SIL delivering it ~ it sounds to me like she's holding out in order to get a visit in when your baby is brand new anyway tbh!

duvetqueen · 20/02/2010 12:51

Not wanting to freak you out but i was two weeks early with my first dc and within half an hour of labour starting contractions were every 5 mins.

If you're not comfortable with driving then i would explain that while you would love to go you don't feel comfortable driving so far with only two weeks until you are due.

Would it be possible for someone else to drive you there and back then you wouldn't have to worry if you did go into labour or were just too tired to drive?

meatntattypie · 20/02/2010 12:56

small suggestion....why dont you invite them over to you for tea one day between now and then instead?
Blow up some baloons for nephew and do something nice for tea and get a little cake.
?????