To be thinking twice about going to nephew's birthday party?

[Meandacat]

I'm expecting my first baby at the end of March. Nephew's birthday (5th this year) is a fortnight exactly before my due date.

My nephew is totally adorable and there is normally no way we'd miss his birthday, but I'm feeling anxious about going over this year. They are a good hour's drive away (mix of country road and motorway) but the main problem is that DH doesn't drive so it's all down to me and I'm worried about what would happen if I felt unwell, or too tired or, worst case, went into labour. I don't know how we'd get ourselves or our car home. DH's parents don't drive either (due to medical condition). Anyway, someone would need to drive us home in our own car so that it wouldn't be abandoned at SIL's, but then how would that driver get home? All that side of the family are a good hour away.

Added to this is the fact that B/SIL have promised us a car seat. I've asked over and over for the past month when they are free for us to visit and pick it up but for reasons I can never fathom, they are very hard to pin down. They've even been over our way recently but not thought to let us know or drop by (and yes, this would have been perfectly feasible). When I last spoke to SIL she said that "worst case scenario, they'd bring the car seat when they came to see me in the hospital". Er... not my idea of a good plan.

I don't know what to do. If DH could drive, there'd be no problem. Am I just being really stupid and over-cautious?

< quick hijack >

hah ! I got shouted down a few weeks ago when I dared to suggest that a bloke who didn't drive was a bit pants

< vindicated >

Back to OP. You are being given the run-around re the car seat. Are you sure it is actually in the SIL's possession/ Has she lent it to someone else and struggling to get it back.

I actually hate it when people make empty promises like this. I would be tempted to let it go and buy your own. Then when she says why did you do that, tell her the truth.

And if you feel nervous about travelling so close to due date, I second what someone said about going over in the next few days and giving card/present and explain why you may not see them at the actual party. If they are decent people they will understand.

If not...who cares.

I'm amazed that people are suggesting if you started labour when you were at the party, you'd still be OK to drive back. It doesn't always work like that. Sometimes labour starts slowly, yes, but other times it hits you like a truck. One of mine was born within 70 minutes of the first contraction - not my first admittedly. But crikey, I wouldn't want to risk being stranded that far away from home that close to my due date.

What are you going to do when you do go into labour? Have you got someone lined up to take you to hospital?

Any chance DH could go to the party on the train/bus and bring the car seat back with him?

erm do they not have ambulances in your neck of the woods then? the car would be the least of your problems if you went into labour..if you dont want to go then just explain I'm sure they will be ok

'Added to this is the fact that B/SIL have promised us a car seat. I've asked over and over for the past month when they are free for us to visit and pick it up but for reasons I can never fathom, they are very hard to pin down'

Explain you are feeling a bit anxious and want everything sorted for the baby so can you come and pick it up..if you are talking to them on the home phone they are in right?..its really up to you to sort it

try this (my sisters and i do this when we cant pin each other down)..put the item outside on the porch well wrapped up out of the rain and then you can come and pick it up whenever you like.

SIL sounds ruddy awkward.

I would explain that you are not confident that you will definitely be there as it's so close to your due date - even if you aren't actually in labour, you may be too knackered/big/uncomfortable to drive, or having BH.

Ask them if you can pop over beforehand to leave your nephew a present and collect the car seat. If they are hard to pin down, put present in the post and go and buy your own seat. You DO need to make sure it fits your car and that you know how to do it before that journey home from hospital. (Admittedly most Stage 1 seats are interchangeable, but some are not and cars differ too.)

Don't go and buy your own car seat. They don't want to give it to you but cant tell you that for some reason.

Can't dh go on public transport to the party?

Alternatively put the present in the post.

If he can't drive, how were you planning to get to hospital in labour anyway? I certainly couldn't have driven myself there when I was in labour. (My first labour was 3 hours, and they got progressively shorter...)

I would get your own carseat TBH. If SIL is as difficult as she sounds, you are going to spend the whole time worrying about something getting spilt on her carseat, or something else happening to it. It really isn't a good idea to borrow anything from someone who can be the slightest bit awkward.

I would just feel a bit poorly on the day of the party, and go and put my feet up. Your nephew won't remember.

You should not drive when in labour, because you will be easily distracted and a risk to every other road user as well as yourself. I think that's a feasible reason for not going to the party, if there is no-one else to drive you if it happens.

I wouldn't personally rely on sil for the car seat. Unless she has the same make and model of car as you, the seat may not fit well, due to differences in seat shapes, belt lengths etc. And you need to practice installing it effectively. Argos have a couple of cheap 0+ seats, £29.99 and £39.99 if you're broke, or have a look at some of the nursery websites for sale items. I'm inclined to agree with AF, if sil has lent the seat to someone and is trying to get it back, you don't know whether it's been cared for ie not dropped or damaged in some other way, covers fresh and clean not covered in mildew from being stored in a damp garage or something.

I wouldn't reply on your SIL for the car seat either. If she was going to give it to you, there is no reason why she can't have done it already. I hate it when people leave things when you want to get organised.

Also when I went into labour with my DS (1st and only atm) My contractions were every 4-5 minutes within half an hour of my waters braking. There is no way I could have driven. Its really daft for people to suggest you could just because its your first and they usually take longer. Not all of them do.

I don't think you want to go. You are heavily pregnant; please yourself and don't go and DON'T feel guilty. I would also scrap your awkward-unpindownable SiL's offer of a car seat and go and buy your own. She may well not be able to drop it off at hospital (6 hour discharge anyonw?) and you do not want to be faffing around in the car park.

As for failing his test 3 times, pah! I failed mine A LOT more than that (and am now a very happy frequent driver)

Good luck and happy birthing!

I would go because the waiting is bad enough without turning down social engagements.

BUt if you don't want to I can understand that.