to be angry my FIL gave ds, 12, wine with meal ds put it on facebook

[curiouscat]

Last night FIL cooked a lovely meal for me and ds,12, dd 9 and dd 7. While laying the table he said he wanted to offer ds a little wine as he had just turned 12. I said it's his house and his rules - I didn't like to seem rude and ungrateful but wasn't keen on it.

He gave ds a glass of wine (small, he thought but looked pretty big to me) and then a smaller sherry sized one to dd9. DD didn't like hers, and FIL said 'oh the first sip won't taste nice, but you'll get used to it.'

All was fine then I looked on facebook to see ds had put on it last night 'feeling tipsy after a cheese and wine fondue'. I got him to delete it immediately. I feel embarrassed, ashamed and guilty.

My in-laws are bon viveurs, in my view typical middle class bordering on alcoholics and I can't believe I let this happen. I don't agree with encouraging kids to drink 'responsibly' as recent studies show this only give them a taste for it. My husband drinks more than I would like him to.

I've been at in laws for a week and don't want to upset them by arguing about it. AIBU to be upset?

He asked you if it was okay. You said it was okay. What did you expect to happen?

Your DS wasn't tipsy anyway, he was most likely imagining it. Power of suggestion, you know.

the tipsy bit was silly.. but thats 12 year old boys being silly

offering a 12 year old a drop of wine with a meal sounds ok to me.

if you think that they are alcoholics and that your DH drinks more than you would like, i wonder i f you have some issues with alcohol and it's useage

at the end of the day, he is your child, you are permitted to say no to him having alcohol with the in laws

rather than getting cross after the event when you could have stopped it

YABU if he asked could he do it and you said yes. I do think you need to speak to your son about his use of Facebook though (there is an age limit on it for a reason although most people seem unaware/happy to ignore that!)

YABU as you didn't say no when asked.

YABU

You are BU. I love the word bon viveur though- I want to be one.

You are unreasonable to be upset because you said yes. I wouldn't have said yes, but would have let a 12 year old have a sip from my glass or have his own glass with lemonade and a splash of wine.

My in laws have a curious desire to feed my kids alcohol and they aren't big drinkers. But they love to give Pimms to my 13 year old (who I think shows an unhealthy interest in alcohol). My MIL says there's hardly any alcohol in it - I keep suggesting that she reads the label...

I don't know much about Facebook, but someone told me the other day that you need to be 13 to register?

you have no prob with your children consuming alcohol,yet you expect them to keep it a secret.....storing up problems for the future there

sorry but agree that YABU

YA also BU to let your 12 yo have a FB account

"Embarrassed, ashamed, and guilty"

you have issues

you will have had to lie on the facebook signup page to get an account for your child,so why are you making a fuss over what he puts on his account page?

what has his mum taught him here??

you should have said no in the 1st place, if you disapprove

you are allowed to veto anything to do with your own dc, you know ?

OK I know it looks like I only mind because it went on Facebook. I minded already and yes I know ds is too young for FB catwalker and MamaG - it's one of many areas I've backed down rather than make a big deal of it. So I've been U. I get it and thanks for the feedback, I won't moan at the inlaws.

Really impressed so many people could reply at this time of day in half term

we're all slumped in front of our computers , drinking pinot, to numb the pain of the last week !

seriously, you sound like you have issues with alcohol.

sorry op but yabu, you should have said no in the first place if you have issues regarding alcohol, and I couldn't agree with IloveTiff any more, you don't want to show him that if he has alcohol he should keep it????????

cc, good on you for taking some criticism on board, btw

IloveTiffany I see your point and it looks rubbish that I expect my son to lie about anything but ...
We have a household where DH gets to be the fun parent who wants kids to not be sheltered (from FB, alcohol, whatever), and I'm stuck trying to bloody live with them while he's away in Barcelona on business all over half term.

So maybe I have alcohol issues but it's probably more about being abandonned at the inlaws for too long (runs away to pour a large drink)

A good stiff one is bound to help- I swear by it.

Like some others have said, I wouldnt say anything to them as you did agree, but next time they want to give your children alcohol I would say that you dont want them drinking. I dont think not wanting your son to put it on facebook means you have issues though and I can totally see why you would feel embarrassed etc [and that doesnt mean I have issues .

well done for taking the advice on board..remember..your kids..your rules..so next time..if you are not happy..just say no

re facebook..I know a lot of pre teens lie about their birth year to open a FB account..but if he has one, one thing I would say is make sure he has it set to private, so only those on his friends list and people he invites can see his profile..lotherwise you dont know who is looking at it

He's 12. I think a 12 year old drinking a little at a family meal in the privacy of their home might possibly be acceptable. I'm half Greek and like to think I have a healthy outlook on alchohol.

HOWEVER a 12 year old putting it on FB is bad imo because a) other kids might think it's cool and be encouraged to do it b) it's underage drinking however you gloss it c) other kids might pester their parents for it.

Memorylapse has good advice - make sure he can choose people to add on FB but no-one can see him unless he chooses them.