to be angry my FIL gave ds, 12, wine with meal ds put it on facebook

[curiouscat]

Last night FIL cooked a lovely meal for me and ds,12, dd 9 and dd 7. While laying the table he said he wanted to offer ds a little wine as he had just turned 12. I said it's his house and his rules - I didn't like to seem rude and ungrateful but wasn't keen on it.

He gave ds a glass of wine (small, he thought but looked pretty big to me) and then a smaller sherry sized one to dd9. DD didn't like hers, and FIL said 'oh the first sip won't taste nice, but you'll get used to it.'

All was fine then I looked on facebook to see ds had put on it last night 'feeling tipsy after a cheese and wine fondue'. I got him to delete it immediately. I feel embarrassed, ashamed and guilty.

My in-laws are bon viveurs, in my view typical middle class bordering on alcoholics and I can't believe I let this happen. I don't agree with encouraging kids to drink 'responsibly' as recent studies show this only give them a taste for it. My husband drinks more than I would like him to.

I've been at in laws for a week and don't want to upset them by arguing about it. AIBU to be upset?

Well zapostrophe I see where you're coming from.

But FIL's approach to giving his own 4 kids alcohol from an early age, far from civilising them, gave them habits whereby all social events (they're all in their late 30's or mid 40's) revolve around getting completely drunk.

I've lost count of the times DH has come home with injuries having fallen over while suppposedly having a good time, not to mention being robbed etc while drunk and the police doing nothing as they felt he wasn't sufficiently in control of himself.

I don't want my son to think this behaviour is all ok when he's older.

YABU as you did agree. The biggest problem though, imho, is that he has a Facebook account and shouldn't.

We have let dd1 have a small glass of diluted wine for 'special' meals since she was about 11. She is 15 now and has never had more than one or 2 v diluted wines or a teeny tiny Baileys. DD2 is 12 and doesn't like alcohol at all but again, would be allowed a tiny drink every now and then if she did. This is how I was brought up and I probably drink less than 2 units a month, except at Christmas, when I may have 4 or 5 units over the course of the holiday!

Neither of my daughters have FB though.

Do you think that one of the issues is that you are worried about your husband's drinking? Sorry if none of my business.

YANBU

Personally I think 12 is too young to be drinking alcohol. It's not so much the alcohol itself (I imagine a small amount wouldn't do an average-size 12 year old any harm), it's more the expectation that "now I'm 12 I'm old enough to drink". And his boasting on facebook just proves that.

I can see that if you were caught off-guard by your FIL, you could easily end up agreeing, before having a chance to think about it.

I wouldn't make an issue of it with your in-laws now, but next time I'd say no.

I have to say, given the problem of under-age drinking in this country, I'm surprised so many people think it's fine for children to drink.

And before anyone asks, I have no issues with alcohol. All my family are moderate drinkers - no tee-totallers and no alcoholics. I have a fairly standard drinking history - lots of pints of lager as a student and occasional wine now I'm a parent. And I'm a doctor so I've got some medical knowledge and a lot of experience with drunks!