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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend of 20 years is Toxic

40 replies

coralanne · 19/02/2010 07:48

Had my 3 DC's staying over last weekend. Made hamburgers for their lunch.

5 star mince for patties, lettuce and tomato from my own garden, multigrain buns, organic eggs.

Chips made from sweet potatoes baked on oven tray. All washed down with a glass of milk.

Friend arived and straight away commented.

"My DD would kill me if I fed her children junk food.

My comment. "Oh well, we can't all be perfect can we."

I have spent 20 years listing to these kind of comments about our own children and I can't believe it's continuing with DGC.

Sorry I guess this is a vent rather than a AIBU

OP posts:
maduggar · 19/02/2010 07:51

Id have answered back with "Id never feed my DGC junk food! What an abhorrent thought!" and smiled sweetly at her. She obvioulsy has issues.

maduggar · 19/02/2010 07:53

Forgot to say, by saying "Oh well, we can't all be perfect can we." you are bowing to what she wants you to be. You know you werent serving junk food, so why did you admit to it?

taffetacat · 19/02/2010 07:55

Its never too late to drop a friend. You put up with it for 20 years when your kids were growing. Why put up with it now?

I'd keep her for mixed company or boozy nights out only.

MrsPixie · 19/02/2010 07:55

I agree with madduggar - you wern't feeding them junk so you should have said so.

I wouldn't see her again tbh

taffetacat · 19/02/2010 07:57

......and please may I bring my DC round for tea? sounds delicious.

Sparkletastic · 19/02/2010 08:02

I'd start dealing with her differently by confronting statements like that or decide not to have her in your life any more. My MIL can be a bit like this - recent comment from her was 'DGC enjoys staying with us more than she enjoys being at home with you because she gets all our attention'. Previously I would have just laughed it off but I have recently decided not to put up with that sort of thing any more so instead I said 'I'm very glad that she enjoys her occasional holidays with you however that was a hurtful and unnecessary thing to say'. She was but then seemed to make more of an effort. She tends to treat everything in life like a competition that she always needs to win at others' expense - perhaps your friend is the same?

aluvss · 19/02/2010 08:55

She is an idiot, you didn't feed them junk food.

If only I had the time to cook things from scratch!

Portofino · 19/02/2010 08:56

You got fresh lettuce and tomatoes from your garden in February?

WhoIsAsking · 19/02/2010 09:34

I love you Portofino

heQet · 19/02/2010 09:40

"We can't all be perfect" was probably not the best way to handle it! You could have said they were home made burgers, from good meat etc etc and not junk food.

Portofino · 19/02/2010 10:13

I was waiting for the OP to come back and tell me she lives somewhere warm and sunny.....

Original poster
coralanne · 19/02/2010 11:06

Sorry just got back home. Vegetables all grown in big pots in small greenhouse. Sounds a bit exotic but not really.

Thanks for all your replies. First time I've actually started a thread.

I can't understand why I let her get away with it. I've got a very good job am very confident in all other ways.

She has always been a SAHM. Can't possibly do anything else besides being a mother.

I have been pulling back a lot lately. I now feel that I don't really need her in my life anymore . I guess I'm just too much of a coward to tell her.

OP posts:
Original poster
coralanne · 19/02/2010 11:20

Oh! and I waited until she left before I gave them an ice-cream with chocolate sprinkles.

OP posts:
lisianthus · 19/02/2010 12:21

Drat you coralanne. You have made me hungry, and now I am going to have to find a hamburger patty recipe.

If that's "junk" food, what on earth does your friend give her DGCs?

porcamiseria · 19/02/2010 16:37

you are growing lettuce and tomatos in february!!!!!

but yes she sounds like a cow , life is too short to spend with friedns that make you feel bad, But I also know that some become part of the furniture and when you have a shared history its hard

start to defend yourself, and gently make it clear these comments piss you off

groundhogs · 19/02/2010 18:25

she sounds dreadful! If she ever repeats that, tell her you had to make it all yourself, from scratch, cos you'd run out of your usual cans of STFU...

The nerve of the woman!

taffetacat · 19/02/2010 18:31

She sounds like a frustrated, unhappy lady. Sometyimes its not the right thing to write people out of your life just for making put down comments sometimes. If you have lots of shared history and she is good to be around the rest of the time, it may be worth putting up with her chippy, insecure comments.

I have the odd friend or two whose company I really enjoy in other ways, eg. a freinds who can make sneery comments but has a wicked sarcastic sense of humour. I see her when I'm in the right situation and the right mood.

at greenhouse

taffetacat · 19/02/2010 18:32

typos/sp.

long day

glass of fizz down

bearcrumble · 19/02/2010 18:35

You sound like an ace grandma. She's probably jealous that you had both the job and the kids (and the green fingers!).

mylifemykids · 19/02/2010 18:36

Did she actually know it was all good ingredients though? If I walked into a friend's kitchen and the kids were eating 'burger and chips' then I'd assume it was all processed.

And what's with the 'She's always been a SAHM' comment? So what?

Morloth · 19/02/2010 18:36

That sounds so good, except I don't like plain milk - can you add some ovaltine or something? Your friend is clearly insane.

MrsPixie · 19/02/2010 18:37

Look, OP you should have just told her it was all fresh - if you have let her make snidey comments to you without reproaching her for 20 years you are a bit odd, sorry if that is harsh but why on earth don't you stand up to her?

groundhogs · 19/02/2010 18:40

I have to say 'If I walked into a friend's kitchen and the kids were eating 'burger and chips' I'd assume it's absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with me...

Original poster
coralanne · 19/02/2010 23:10

*Morloth you certainly can add ovaltine to the milk. Sometimes they get flavoured straws to drink with.

Taffetacat, you are quite right. When she is at her most annoying I [do try] to remember all the good things she has done over the years.

She is even Godmother to DGS.

I guess that's why I always wimp out when it comes to reproaching her.

As for the fresh lettuce and tomotoes, we originally come from a warm and sunny climate and can't possibly do without them. However I can't take cedit for this. DH is house husband and this is his department.

I just pick them and eat them.

OP posts:
Original poster
coralanne · 19/02/2010 23:16

Actully after reading all replies and thinking about this, I guess what pushed my button this time was the mention of her DD.

She has always been put on a pedestal and friend's whole life has revolved around her. Her poor DS has really missed out well and truly over the years.

The sad part about this is that her DD is quite a nice girl but everyone runs a mile when they see the parents because they know they will get an earbashing about how wonderful and perfect DD is.

OP posts: