Have been reading through old threads on this forum and, while some of them describe outrageous liberties or rudeness from mothers in law, can I just say, at the risk of being flamed, that some people seem to be ridiculously sensitive to any perceived 'interference' from their dh's parents. Obviously incidents where someone describes their daughter in law's adopted brother as not 'real' family, or completely restyles a granddaughter's hair without permission are unacceptable. But posts complaining bitterly about loving grandparents wanting to buy presents for the children or take them to the pantomime or cut a micro centimetre from the end of their hair rather than upset the child by pulling a comb through the tangles make me feel quite sad. Surely one of the great things about being a grandparent is that you get to indulge and spoil the kids a little, in a way that you could not do when your own children were little. My parents were reasonably strict but they never stopped my grandmother taking us off into town to have a bit of fun buying cheap junky toys, or giving us chocolate biscuits, or inviting us round for 'parties' consisting of all the rubbish kids love to eat. It didn't change the way I was brought up by my parents, but it left me with great memories of a lovely lady who died when I was nine. I am so glad my parents didn't go on with 'no, chocolate biscuits are bad for them', 'they've enough toys, all that junk is just taking up space' etc. I know they're 'our' kids but they're also part of a wider family and, for grandparents in particular, are the most important people in the world next to their own children. My entire family went on a holiday together last Summer to celebrate my parent's 50th anniversary in the seaside town where they lived when they were first married. My father, who is in poor health and aware he may not have that much time with his grandchildren, was not allowed by my sister in law to buy his grandsons an ice cream cone to eat on the beach even though he was obviously dying to. I really felt like saying to her 'would you give him a break, for crying out loud'. He also absolutely loves giving his grandchildren exciting Christmas presents. I don't mind, but my mother is constantly apologising nervously to my sister in law (this wasn't my idea, Bill insisted).
I just think people could cut their inlaws (it's usually the in laws who get this kind of criticism) some slack and let them enjoy being grandparents without being constantly afraid of treading on toes.
And yes, I do have children and I do have in laws and I'm not perfect but I really try to relax and let my parents in law feel like a part of my kids' lives and enjoy being able to indulge them a little without being afraid of causing an atmosphere.
Anyway, I'm not saying all of the criticism against in laws on here is unjustified, and realise that mums can be more open with their own mum while having to bit their tongue with parents in law which might explain why they vent so much on here, but seriously - give some of them a break. They're just trying to do their best.