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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To havemy 3yr old dd share a room with my 1yr old ds?

54 replies

monkeyfacegrace · 15/02/2010 14:43

Basically our 2 bed ground floor masionette (tbh its large compared to most modern 2 bed houses, galley kitchen onto conservatory, 15ft sq lounge, 2 bedrooms and small bathroom. Good sized garden...sorry tmi!)
has gone into neg equity due to housing market over last 2 years.

We cant afford to move, and even when it gets back to being worth what we owe, we would struggle to get a bigger mortgage for a bigger house.

Im having sleepless nights over it, the kids need more space. Their room is big enough for a toddler bed (ikea), a cot-bed, and 2 chests of drawers. There is only a small playing space on the floor.

I dont know what to do next, and how long can they share for? They get on great, and Im plannig on bunkbeds soon to give more playspace. But I feel like Im letting them down as I grew up in a huge 4 bed and loved it.

Sorry, its an indulgent waffle but its been stressing me out so much, I just want to settle somewhere and put down roots

OP posts:

harecare · 15/02/2010 14:46

If I lived in a 20 bedroom mansion I would still put my 2 DDs in a room together until the eldest was about 10 as I think it's nice to have a bit of time with your sibling/s at the start and end of each day.
Stop stressing, it may not be what you'd do if you had the choice, but there are many people who would deliberately choose to have siblings share.

Original poster

monkeyfacegrace · 15/02/2010 14:49

I guess my main worry is that they are different sexes. I have heard by numerous people its 'illegal' or similar to have them share past a certain age. Please tell me that its shit stirring bollox!

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 15/02/2010 14:53

I hope it's not unreasonable cos DD1 who's 9 YO is going to have to share her room with DD2 when she gets to 6 months old in June! We're not planning to move until/unless them sharing becomes a problem

AmazingBouncingFerret · 15/02/2010 14:55

Im in this sort of situation (fortunately without the neg equity) My DS is 3 and DD is 7 wks so she is with us atm but soon will be going in with him. I grew up in a 5bed house so also understand the wanting them to have their own space thing. You're not letting them down by having them share and they can share for as long as needed.
It'll be a while till they reach the awkward pre-teen stage so hopefully by then things will have picked up and you will have moved into somewhere with more bedrooms.
I also understand the wanting to settle, I cant wait to be able to move and have my own garden/not have to go up 3 flights of stairs with 2 kids and dog/have more storage/etc
I just keep saving as much as I possibly can and keep smiling!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 15/02/2010 14:56

just seen your last post... its shit stirring bollocks!

fortyplus · 15/02/2010 14:58

I believe the guidelines for council accommodation are that you are overcrowded if siblings of opposite sexes are still sharing at 10. But there's no law against it. Don't stress!

WeddingDaze · 15/02/2010 14:58

YANBU - IMO It only becomes questionable around puberty.

I shared with my DB for a while when i was around 8ish and he was 5, we got our own rooms when i was 11ish i think, didn't really bother me.

We did have a sort of half wall that split the room a little so we had our own space.

fluffles · 15/02/2010 14:59

i would put a boy and girl in together without any qualms at all until about 8 yrs old.

from 8 to 11 i'd leave it up to them whether they were comfortable or not then after 11 i'd try to give them their own privacy.

you've got years before you have to worry about it...

AgentZigzag · 15/02/2010 15:05

A child psychologist here thinks you don't have to worry about boy/girl sibling sharing until they're 6 or 7, not sure about the legality of it, but I don't think it's all shit stirring bollocks.

DrSkidaddle · 15/02/2010 15:06

I think it's lovely for them to share a room and you have YEARS until it could potentially be a problem. My rich brother with a huge house also told me it was illegal to have siblings of different sexes to share a room - I asked him what world he was living in, esp. as our dad grew up with his SIX siblings in ONE ROOM (in India).

My DD (4) and DS (2) share a room and their new brother (not quite born yet) will be in there with them in 6 months or so. They LOVE sharing atm and it gives us an extra 10 mins in the morning as DD climbs into DS's bed to give him his morning cuddle before they come into our room - now what could be lovelier than that?

fillybuster · 15/02/2010 15:06

I still think its amazing that there are enough people in this country so well-off that sharing rooms isn't completely normal...my dd will be moving in with ds in a few months to make space for dc3. He is 4.5, she is just 2 and I think that they are going to have a great time together (just a bit concerned about lack of sleep for us parents!)...once dc3 is a couple of years old, and assuming that we don't have any more or move house (no idea yet), I might move them around again so that ds can have a smaller but more private room and the younger dcs can share.

Space 'for yourself' is definitely an issue from the age of 11/12/13 but not at 3

alarkaspree · 15/02/2010 15:08

At that age they don't need much space to play in their bedroom, they will want to play where there are other people anyway.

I have a 3-bedroom flat and we still have dd (5) and ds (3) sharing a room - they could have their own rooms but they have no objection to sharing.

minouminou · 15/02/2010 15:11

Some friends of ours moved out into a nearby town into a big 4-bedroomed place (it was cheaper in this town than in this city) to accommodate their 3 children - one of whom had only just arrived.
So, moved town, bigger mortgage (although still a bargain), the trial of making new friends etc
What do the kids do? All bunk down together in the same room.
Obviously, in years to come they'll go into their own rooms, but they - and you - have got quite a while yet!

SofiaAmes · 15/02/2010 15:11

My 9 year old ds and 7 year old dd share a bedroom and probably will do for another year at least. Biggest issue is dd talks incessantly and ds keeps putting ear plugs on his christmas list. Also, dd has millions of toys that spread. Otherwise they play together and love sharing a room.

darcymum · 15/02/2010 15:14

My three children all share a room even though we live in a five bed house. Girl boy girl, ages 1, 3 and 4. I think they prefer it to being on their own in a room.

CatIsSleepy · 15/02/2010 15:20

we have a 2-bed house and will do for the foreseeable future, so dd1 and 2 (nearly 4, and 11 months) are sharing, and it's not a very big room. I don't see it as letting them down tbh! it's just the way things are for now.

My sister's 3 children (2 girls and a boy) shared a room for ages til they eventually had their loft done and the girls moved into it. They liked sharing when they were little though.

solo · 15/02/2010 15:20

You do what you have to do IME. My 3.1yo Dd is now sharing a bedroom with my 11.6yo Ds, with no playing space or space for toys etc. It's not ideal,, but it is necessary as I can't afford to buy bigger and won't be able to for probably another 5 years!

mspotatochip · 15/02/2010 15:23

We fairly sure that we can't afford to move from our two bed flat and we are considering dd(3) out of the small room and putting her and ds (8months) in the main room. We hope we can fit a double bed for us in the smaller room.

Its just the way things are these days

minipie · 15/02/2010 15:44

as mspotatochip says... if the 2 kids have no play space in their room (and if you think they are missing out because of this) then why not move into the small room yourselves and put them in the bigger room? assuming yours is bigger of course.

tearinghairout · 15/02/2010 15:52

My DS & DD (twins) were happy to share until they were 5, when they started asking for their own rooms. I wouldn't separate yours tbh, they will be happier in together for a while.

My mum said it might be illegal. Bolleaux! It's just that in council accommodation they don't put dch of different sexes in the same room over the age of 10.

tearinghairout · 15/02/2010 15:53

I've just re-read your post. Defo bunk beds will help you.

Original poster

monkeyfacegrace · 15/02/2010 16:26

Wow thanks for all the support! I thought I was going to cause you all to dig out those judgey pants about planning before getting preg!

Ok so I feeling much bettr now, thanks again mn girls!

OP posts:

belgo · 15/02/2010 16:29

not unreasonable at all, my dds aged five and four share with my ds aged one. I think it's lovely, children don't like sleeping on their own.

posieparker · 15/02/2010 16:34

Do it, my oldest dcs used to have their own room each but insisted in sleeping together, and now dd wants to sleep in their room! But I am thinking about putting her in with ds3.....

bibbitybobbityhat · 15/02/2010 16:34

My dd (9) and ds (6) share a room and bunkbeds out of choice. DD has her own room all decorated and ready for her to move into but she is showing no signs of wanting to go yet. I think she'll probably leave it til after the summer holidays. It has been wonderful having them in the same room together, since ds was about 18 months.

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