To havemy 3yr old dd share a room with my 1yr old ds?

[monkeyfacegrace]

Basically our 2 bed ground floor masionette (tbh its large compared to most modern 2 bed houses, galley kitchen onto conservatory, 15ft sq lounge, 2 bedrooms and small bathroom. Good sized garden...sorry tmi!)
has gone into neg equity due to housing market over last 2 years.

We cant afford to move, and even when it gets back to being worth what we owe, we would struggle to get a bigger mortgage for a bigger house.

Im having sleepless nights over it, the kids need more space. Their room is big enough for a toddler bed (ikea), a cot-bed, and 2 chests of drawers. There is only a small playing space on the floor.

I dont know what to do next, and how long can they share for? They get on great, and Im plannig on bunkbeds soon to give more playspace. But I feel like Im letting them down as I grew up in a huge 4 bed and loved it.

Sorry, its an indulgent waffle but its been stressing me out so much, I just want to settle somewhere and put down roots

My DC (3yo and 1yo) share even though we have 2 spare bedrooms. They rarely play in their bedroom, preferring to trash play wherever I am in the house.

I didn't like being in my own room as a child and would invariably wake up in one of my siblings' beds. Much nicer to have them share IMO.

dd (7) and ds (5) share and will do for a bit longer. I read somewhere (or I may have imagined it ) that siblings who share for a while when young tend to continue to be close well into adulthood. Don't stress - we have enough rooms for our 3 but they'll all be sharing for a while longer because they like it.

I know you are worried they won't have much floor space to share.

Is your room bigger? I saw a thread on the money-saving expert forum a while ago, which made me think. In most households the parents have the biggest bedroom, even tho they spend least time in the bedroom, and kids get relegated to smaller rooms, altho they need space to play in them. It was suggested that we re-think this strategy, and let the kids have the larger room.

Just a thought.

I think my youngest would love to share - his first words on waking are to see if his big brother is awake, unfortunatley his wake up time is somewhere betwen 5.30am and 6am and his brother sleeps in til nearly 7am, so sharing would mean sleep deprived big bro.

My niece and nephew shared a room til just before xmas and they live in a 4 bed house - they loved it. They are now 6 and 8.

dd and ds had to share until they were 9 and 5. They would probably have been quite happy to share longer if ds didn't have ASD (it wasn't fair him keeping dd awake all the time).

Not illegal, and IMO totally fine until your DD is around 10, so thats a while away. Even after that if thats what you have, then thats the way it is.

I have a 3 bed house, so my DDs could easily have their own rooms. Yet, they choose to share. We're currently moving house and we have asked them what they want to do when we move - again they have said that they want to continue sharing, even though there is no necessity for them to do so.

I actually think it is nicer, and encourages them to be closer - they automatically wake up and play with each other in the mornings, rather than getting up and doing their own thing (which is what I did).

PS Argos do bunk beds that are shorter than usual ones and they are suitable from age 4. My DD1 went in the top bunk at age 4, and it was fine!!

My children choose to share. We have to force them to sleep in separate rooms (on school nights). Their favourite thing is to stick their beds together and all three sleep huddled up in a double. And when the boys have a friend for a sleepover, all four get in together.

I have a very small 3 bed house. DD's bedroom is 5.5ft x 9.5ft (so not big enough for a double bed which is 6ft x 6ft). The DS's have the biggest room, which is 11ft x 9ft, and I have the middle room which is 10ft x 9ft. DD is almost 12yo, and needs her own room. The ds's were fine sharing until about 6months ago, when DS1 started complaining that he wants his own room. He is a very tidy person, and DS2...err...is like a human tornado a lot messier. I am trying to find a private rented place in my area (for schools) that I can afford, that is either 4 bed or 3 bed with a dining room that I can turn into an extra bedroom. If DD's room was big enough for a double bed, I would have it, but it's not. I think it is usually fine to share with a girl and boy together until the older one is about 6/7, and I've found that even two boys don't want to share by around 7.5/8yo. DD and DS1 shared in my old 2 bed until DD was 6.5yo though.

OP, a friend of mine had the same situation as you, boy and girl 18 months apart, no prospect of moving into a bigger place.

They had bunk beds and shared wardrobe, shelves etc until they were about 7-8 YO. After that it started bothering them. So she did this: ditched the bunkbeds and got them a loft bed each, with a desk underneath, a little bookcase and a wardrobe on the side. This way they have a feeling of privacy, they have half a room each rather than share the entire room iyswim. They're now 13 and almost 15, it's worked great apparently. Oh, the 13yo girl is going through a "leave me alone phase though and she hang a shower curtain across the room. It was hillarious :-)

I plan to have ours share, even though we have spare rooms. The 'kids' room is big and I think it's nice to have a joint sleep/play area for the first few years.
Once they start getting bothered, I'd move them, but from the sound of this thread - that won't be for years!
Don't forget that they won't have any expectations of their own room - unless you let on that you think it's less-good to share.

my son and daughter were sharing at that age even though we had a spare room. It was just easier to have them in one place. Now I have another little girl the 5 year old and 1 year old girls share and my son has his own room. dont worry they will be fine!

We've got a 1 bedroom house, so DD (age 3) DS (age 8 months), DH and I all sleep in the same room. I suppose when they're older (I'm thinking 11 or 12 or so) I'll sort out the box room and make it a bedroom for DD (and for any other female siblings that may come along). I have no idea what I'm going to do with DS (or any other boys siblings that come). Maybe a curtain down the main big bedroom. I don't know. But where I live all this is totally normal, so I wouldn't worry about their psychological development or anything like that. In many countries the entire family all live in 1 or 2 rooms max.

Oh, that is a good idea. I never thought of putting the kids in the biggest room and moving DH and I out into the box room. That does make a lot more sense. You just tend to think that the "master" room, the biggest, has to go to the adults, don't you.

Even though I've only got the one, I sympathise about the space thing. My 3-year-old DS is in a tiny room, I don't even think I could get a single bed in there so I don't know what I'm going to do when he outgrows the toddler bed . We don't have any outdoor space either which makes me feel terrible, and makes it harder to look after him during the summer.

It can´t be illegal can it-you can´t be forced to buy a house with another bedroom!

We have three bedrooms but mine shared for a time & the 3rd bedroom was a playroom.

Did this until eldest went to school.

Sakura - I know that residential accommodation is generally a lot smaller where you live than in the UK. Just a question: do you find that difficult, having grown up in a culture where people are used to having more personal space?

In Paris accommodation tends to be quite small - especially bedroom accommodation, where it is more than usual for children to share. I personally find it quite hard to deal with - and I really shouldn't complain, because, by local standards, I have a lot of space.

I did the shower curtain thing myself as a teenager who had to share a room

Seriously, please don't lose sleep over this- children sharing is extremely common and does no harm at all. There are planty of families in the UK in much more straitened circumstances. I'm not saying that in a you-must-clear-your-plate-because-there-are-children-starving-in-Africa way, but do try to keep a sense of perspective: it sounds like this is causing you totally needless stress.

I shared bedroom with my younger brother, until we were teenagers.

It was fine. I used to read him his bed time stories (am 5 yrs older). We are still very close.

My DC shared a room until we had money to move somewhere a bit bigger, DS1 was 6 then.

Funnily, they miss sharing a room ! Most kids like it.

(for a sense of perspective: My SIL used to live in a one bedroom flat with her single mum, two brothers and a dog. And she said it was fine. Not ideal, but fine!)

My four(8 and under) share a room, by choice.

They only sleep in there really, so I turned the bedroom half of them had abandoned into a playroom.

I have the smallest bedroom because it just seemed daft not to.

My two (5&3) have shared for a year and half, and would definitely choose to keep sharing.

No3 is imminent so that will change things a bit in time but I can see them happily sharing for another 3 or 4 years.

We have decided that initially we will take a smaller room and let the three of them have the biggest until we work out the long term plan (we have 4 bed but one is tiny and freezing and we need a guest room)

BTW your house sound lovely, and please dispense with any notions of "letting them down" - home is where you are, how big it is doesn't matter.

I second the loft bed idea when they get older.

My DD and DS1 shared until they were 9 & 11 because we lived in a two bedroomed council flat. Whatever the council regs say there was no way on this earth we would have been rehoused for being over crowded! Fat bleedin chance.

They started with bunks and moved on to loft beds with their own space for clothes underneath and their own toy storage etc. It didnt bother them a bit. It was what they were used to.

I have two boys in one room and they will be joined by the newbie when he is old enough (not born yet though!).

I live in a very working class area and you would think I was suggesting moving them all into a commune from the remarks I have had.

Apparently its just about child abuse to expect children to share a room and for the room not to have fully co ordinating Dora/Ben 10/ Playboy furniture and accessories!

Whateva.

My DS (5y) & DD1 (nearly 4y) currently share a room... DD2 is coming up for 12 mths and i'm desperate to move her in there too but we're hoping to turn one of our downstairs rooms into a bedroom so DS can have his own room (the room that is currently ours)... he just keeps telling us that he'll still let his DSis play in his room and he wants to sleep in the girls room sometimes- something tells me it may be a waste of time moving ourselves out of that room yet!!

I have always been aware that it isn't illegal for siblings to share, but it is recommended that siblings of different sexes dont share once the eldest has reached puberty.... well i dont plan to still be living here by then (another 5 years max hopefully) so it wouldn't actually become a problem for us.

I too have a DD3 and DS1,(nearly 2) and live in a 2 bedroom flat. My two share a room (not massively large) and they both absolutely love it - they keep each other company when they wake up in the morning, and when I put them down to sleep at night. They are too young to play in there on their own anyway, so i don't worry about that side of things.

The only drawback is that they keep eachother awake 'chatting'and singing to each other instead of going straight to sleep, and egg eachother on something rotten in their frequent 'lets throw all our bedding on the floor' contests!

It's far too soon to be worrying about them being too old to share - who knows what your circumstances will be in 6 years time? As it is, my two are actually much much closer since sharing - honestly, it's fab having them together in a room