For thinking that "the mummy wars" are a load of bolleaux?

[theboobmeister]

I'm always hearing about the "mummy wars" in the press. Apparently those of us who work and those who stay at home are permanently at each other's throats in a war over who is more irresponsible/smug/uncaring/letting down the sisterhood/whatever.

Just another example from the weekend papers - "The abuse women hurl at one another over the choices they make is vitriolic; wars between stay-at-home mums and the working breed are toxic and available at any mums' forum you might care to visit."

Thing is, I NEVER come across this so-called war in everyday life, or on MN come to that. I'm a working mum; I have mum-friends who work, some who don't, some with high-powered careers, some who work a bit occasionally. I never sit around slagging off SAHMs with my working friends. WTF would be the point? We all make our own difficult choices and compromises, I doubt any of us see ourselves as the living embodiment of female virtue.

So am I being unreasonable to think that "the mummy wars" are basically an invention of journalists, ad men like our friends at Beta and other people who know J.S. about what it's like being a mum in 2010? Or maybe it was all the rage ten years ago and I missed it? Or maybe I just hang out with stupidly nice people and actually we are all supposed to hate each other?

What do you think?

It's when the research comes out that it all kicks off...

LOL they post spurious "research" as if gospel but demand cochrane library references from anyone else

research at Shitsville Yooni, dept of Madeuppicus asserts

working women are more likely to have hairy hands and reprobate children,because they let strangers raise them in day care orphanages

ff babies are more likely to piles,plooks,hallitosis, and tennis elbow because their mums feed them filty cows juice with chemicals.

and of course everyone loves a wee bit biddulph.bang that tambourine ladies

then it just gets dull, tether and you know the thread has run its course...

although i quite like a bit of statistical quotation when it suits my cause

that thread about hiring a cleaner was hilarious though...and it did get very vitriolic.

i think people do get very judgy if not to your face, then in private - whilst your kids are naughty someone will blame spoling them/undersocialisation by being home all the time/ lack of attention from being at work all the time....there's no winning.

'a mothers place is in the wrong'

At the end of the day being a good parent is not all down to whether you work or not.

There's plenty of SAHM who laze around all day surfing the net and talking to strangers about the rights and wrongs of parenting, and there's plenty of working mums who spend all day at work surfing the net talking to strangers about the rights and wrongs of parenting.

i like the mummy martyrs best.give it all up.sell up.down size.fashion your pubes into a cosy jumper.no frivolous consumer durables.ever

errr except of course the broadband and pc you are using at the mo ^Mrs-I-gave-it-all-up--for-the-little-ones>

"fashion your pubes into a cosy jumper"

hohoho

WOHM/SAHM wars are not just on here - I have had a few comments from the precious moments brigade in RL as well.

I just ignore them and cover them in muddy water as I speed away in my porsche bought out of my scumbag FT working mother wages (that is a joke btw)

i dont get any unnecesary comments,the nanny does though! she tells me on skype as i spend yet another other hour away from the children.but bless her broken english and fact she is scared of me means i dont get whole story anyhoo

Marry a rich man who can buy a porche for you.

Had a debate with (stupid) SIL - she said oh isn't it a shame that you were not there when your dd was little, you missed her very first steps.

And she has commented to DP that I am 'selfish' and 'thoughtless' and 'I will pay for it when dd is older'

DD is 14 and we get on fine. She is prettu much the same as me re working mothers, thinks it's a good thing not bad.

What a knobber your SIL is. Seriously why do people care if other parents work or not? Have they nothing better to do with their time than obsess over other peoples parenting.

I'm a vegan, druid, tandem nursing (DDs are 3.6 and 11mths), eco-warrior type, SAHM etc etc

I made my decisions based on my circumstances and my personal beliefs, every other mother (bar the abusive few) is simply doing the same. It is therefore impossible for me to judge you or for you to judge me...and slightly ridiculous to try. We can respect each other's decisions and see that we're all doing our best for our children within our circumstances, knowledge and beliefs...

Simple really.

Hang on a minute... I never agreed not to judge anyone...

I think we've gone too far. I want out.

and then quicky picks them back up..pesky things!

Sorry, but Ive seen several threads here that were judgemental on both sides of the argument. Not right and not pretty. Are we all reading the same Mumsnet, or have some logged into the much more refined and kindly Netmums? Love Mumsnet BECAUSE of all the aggro actually

undoubtedly the frankness adds a frission.quite refreshing,and indeed if you dont want that level of directness dont ask(esp on aibu)

only threads i really dont much go on are feeding,.too repetitive.same ole same ole.