Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to answer 'yes' when people ask if I am feeding DS myself...

28 replies

AreAnyNamesAvailable · 14/02/2010 12:16

... when I am bottle feeding. I know I am being deliberately obtuse, but people I hardly know am asking me. To start with, when I said 'no', people then wanted to know why not and would tell me all about what happened to them. From close friends, greatly appreciated. From near strangers, not so welcome. So technically I do feed him myself, using my own hands.

Disclaimer: It is mostly elderly women who phrase the question like this because they don't like saying 'breast' (giggle giggle), so I feel justified in my response.

OP posts:
Cyb · 14/02/2010 12:17

Its no one elses business but yours. Sometimes its the stock question isn't it.

EcoMouse · 14/02/2010 12:19

YANBU, ask a silly (non specific) question, get a silly (non specific) answer!

StealthPolarBear · 14/02/2010 12:22

" I know I am being deliberately obtuse"
I love being deliberately obtuse! Have to stop myself sometimes.
No, yanbu, answering no would be inccurate and would start a debate you'd rather not have.

TrillianAstra · 14/02/2010 12:22

No, the dog's just had puppies so I'm letting her do it.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 14/02/2010 12:27

YANBU

I did breast feed all mine but still said yes, who else is going to feed them and then watched as they tried to explain themselves. Same as when I was pregnant people asked me what I was hoping for and I said a baby..

Firawla · 14/02/2010 12:32

yanbu, its not their business anyway
find it a bit weird when strangers ask that q really

StealthPolarBear · 14/02/2010 12:39

It is an awful way to put it though (even if it is to avoid the B word ). BF mums cuddle and spend time with their babies whereas bottle feeding mums plonk them on the knee of the nearest stranger and run off into the sunset.

thedollshouse · 14/02/2010 12:52

Lol. My mum uses this expression and it does amuse me. To say the word "breast" is taboo amongst the older generation. My mum was saying the other day that she preferred it when people wore smock dresses as they hid the pregnancy for much longer, she doesn't like maternity clothes that show off the bump. She said that in her day you weren't exactly ashamed to be pregnant but there was an unwritten rule that you didn't flaunt it.

I'm 37 years old, have been married for 14 years, have been with my husband for 22 years and I am happy to say "breast" and I am proud to announce to the world that I am pregnant. The irony is that my mum has had lots more partners than I have and yet breasts and pregnancy are slightly shameful amongst her generation.

StealthPolarBear · 14/02/2010 12:57

tdh, when I spoke to my grandad to tell him I was pg he seemed in a hurry to get off the phone (but he's like that anyway). He then spoke to my mum, after which she rang to ask if I'd told him as he hadn't said anything about it to her She concluded he was a bit embarrassed! BTW I am married and it was my second pregnancy, so it wasn't anything more obvious, like unmarried pregnancy or anything, it was just pregnancy itself he was embarrassed by! Makes you wonder how he and my grandma had two children, maybe they're actually adopted

Original poster
AreAnyNamesAvailable · 14/02/2010 15:47

28 years old and still giggle at the word breast and all its variations! StealthPolarBear, being obtuse is something I do so often, it may count as a hobby...

PS would LOVE to give baby to someone else and run into the sunset. If I was breast(giggle)feeding, I would probably chop off my own boob if it would enable me to go out childless

OP posts:
CoupleOfKooks · 14/02/2010 15:50

no say whatever you feel comfortable with! it;s a silly way to phrase the question and none of their business anyway unless you want to bring the subject up

my friend's dd who is home educated has a similar thing when she (frequently) gets asked things like "no school today?", she just says "no" and leaves it at that!

cakewench · 14/02/2010 15:56

breastbreastbreastbreastbreast :D

YANBU. As a BFer, I say it's no business of theirs at all, and certainly not their place to dress you down as to why you're feeding the way you are.

Reminds me of people who asked about hair extensions "is that your hair?" Well yes... paid for it myself.

(er, I don't use them, got far too much of my own hair, but I heard the response and thought it was a good one!)

Shodan · 14/02/2010 16:07

If you really felt like being mean, you could say 'How do you mean, exactly?' with tilted head and quizzical expression.

Then watch them flounder as they search for a different way to avoid the B word....

SeaTrek · 14/02/2010 17:57

YANBU

oldraver · 14/02/2010 19:12

I used to answer 'baby' when I was asked what I was hoping for, and yes it was almost always older people

suitejudyblue · 14/02/2010 19:42

Are you objecting to the words themselves or the question ?
I would use either "feeding yourself" ot "breastfeeding" interchangabley not because of any wish to avoid the B word but just because to me they both mean the same. So if its the words then I think you are being a bit unreasonable.
If you are objecting to some form of implied critism if you so "no" then YANBU.

ginormoboobs · 14/02/2010 20:40

YABU
Could you not just say "yes , with a bottle of milk" or "do you mean am I BREAST FEEDING" or ignore them and change the subject
I hate the term feeding them yourself. My Mum says it and calls feeding formula the normal way. I make sure that I call it BREAST FEEDING whenever she says feeding them yourself and tell her that breast feeding is the normal way ya loon.
None of their buisness so just ignore them and walk away.

Booyhoo · 14/02/2010 20:43

when i first had ds1, older aunts would ask me that and i would look at them funny, wondering who the hell else would be feeding him. it is a silly way to ask and i dont think YABU in saying yes. it is the truth.

fiestabelle · 14/02/2010 20:49

TBH, dont have a problem with it, I think its just one of the stock phrases people use, to strike up a conversation around a baby, ie, is he/she a "good" baby, what are you hoping for (whilst pregnant) etc etc, that being said, if you dont want to get into a discussion about your feeding choices, just stick to what your doing.

itstooruddycold · 14/02/2010 20:59

I had a very funny conversation with a lovely lady from la leche league the other day. She was trying to help me over the phone and was asking how long 5mo DS slept for, so I said about 9 hours at a time overnight and 14 in total.
She went a bit quiet and this is what went next:
LLL Are you exclusively breastfeeding?
Me Yes
LLL is he eating any food?
Me No
LLL so you are just giving him milk?
Me Yes
LLL So no solids yet
Me No, just milk
LLL And you're exclusively BFing?
Me Yeeeees....
LLL Does he drink a lot of juice
Me No.....just the breastmilk
LLL Is it possible anyone else is giving him anything else to eat?
Me Errrr

Who did she think was feeding him? The dog? The neighbours? Oh yes well he does pop next door and get the occasional bowl of milk...lol bless her.

Booyhoo · 14/02/2010 21:32

he's helping himself to rice crispies during the night!!

but lucky you. couldnt ask for much more than that!!

Original poster
AreAnyNamesAvailable · 15/02/2010 09:10

fiestabelle, don't even get me started on the 'is he a good baby?'. I have answered, 'no, he is a BAD BAD baby' which gets me strange looks... When they are asking if he is a good baby, they mean does he sleep and not cry much. If he cries and doesn't sleep well then he must be BAD.

(Luckily he is a 'good' baby, but sticking with the being obtuse nature of my personality I feel obliged to answer 'no' and see where it gets me... God, I am a bitch )

OP posts:
redroof · 16/02/2010 11:41

I found this question highly amusing when asked by my nan. I was so tempted to say "well, who else would be feeding her?"
Another, more bizarre question I've overheard, "Did you give birth yourself" Um, well actually .....

Original poster
AreAnyNamesAvailable · 17/02/2010 14:56

OK, I can get my head around the 'feeding him yourself', but 'did you give birth yourself'?!?! WTF? How much more bizarre do questions get just because people are afraid to use certain words

(redroof, DID you give birth yourself? because if not, I would be very interested to hear how it can be avoided...)

OP posts:
DebiNewberry · 17/02/2010 15:05

I just think it's a bit silly really, but if you are getting grief/intrusive questions about formula feeding, I can see why you would do this

Swipe left for the next trending thread