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Original poster

to crave excitement this much?

77 replies

HappySlapper · 13/02/2010 17:31

I'm nearly 40. Married for 5 years and together for 7.

Part of me knows that this is a mid life crisis/7 year itch....

But is this all there is? Where's the excitement? Where's the thrill that you get from meeting someone new, dating, sex texting, talking dirty on the phone.. just being EXCITED???

I'm soooo bored with it all. Someone talk me down before I start waving my knickers at the next passing 18 year old

Surely I'm not the only one that feels like this? It's driving me crazy. I'm becoming obssessed with the past, how I felt, the men I went out with, the partying...

Not posting and running but have to do teatime things, but will be back later.

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 14/02/2010 13:57

Know what you mean OP.

Mind you there are many things I crave that I am unlikely to be able to do. I'd quite like to climb Mt Everest, visit Macchu Pichu, learn to play the piano, run a marathon. Won't do most or all of those. That's life.

RobsessedWithKellanLutz · 14/02/2010 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
HappySlapper · 14/02/2010 14:21

Is it though, Orm? Is it just a case of 'that's life?' Am I resigned to a life of working and housework, with barely a glimpse of Readers Wives? No sign of workmen coming round to 'look at my waterworks'

I'll tell you how this came about. I found an ex on facebook - a long ago ex. 15 years ago We got talking and reminiscing.. and it just took me straight back to 1995 and everything that was happening there. I could have wept. Dykwim?

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 14/02/2010 14:30

I do k exactly wym Exactly! I reached 40 a few years back and I did have a year or so of thinking 'is this it then?'. And yes, it is, but I have realised that 'it' is actually worth having. Inspite of the lack of 'excitement'.

I think long-term relationships/marriage are a sign that we have chosen security over excitement. There may be love and passion and all that stuff but it's got to be less excitement than there might have been in the past. It's a sacrifice we decided to make.

moondog · 14/02/2010 14:36

Happy, do yuo have a job?
What is your day to day life like.

Tucker boots!
Fantastic-haven't thoguht of those in years.

UnquietDad · 14/02/2010 14:47

Men feel like this too, if it is any consolation.

It's worse when you didn't even have an especially mis-spent youth - everyone else is reminiscing about their mad days of partying and raving and drugs and seeing live bands and so on, and you have to dredge up, "Um, yes, I saw the Inspiral Carpets once and they were quite loud. And I may have had a puff of a joint once at a party."

There are times with DW where I feel like Hugh Grant having THAT conversation with Andie MacDowell. You know, the one with the numbers.

moondog · 14/02/2010 14:50

People play up mis-spent youths anyway.
Most people are surprisingly dull and conventional.

I have a far better time and life now at 42 than I did at 22.

UnquietDad · 14/02/2010 14:55

A lot of people talk about "getting it out of their system." I've always been intrigued by this. If you were a promiscuous, druggie, raving, partying type, and are no longer, do you feel you have "got it out of your system"?

Is it something you see as part of a bygone age in your life, like rusks or soft play or writing on pencil-cases or Lynx or paisley shirts?

Or is it something you acquire a permanent taste for, and do you hanker after those days?

tethersend · 14/02/2010 14:57
moondog · 14/02/2010 14:58

Gawd knows.
I think there are windows in one's life when it is generally considered ok to act like a prick.
Not so advisable on a regular basis at a time in your life when it could have negative repercussions for those who rely on you, like kids and spouses and collaegues.

tethersend · 14/02/2010 15:05

UQD, I was/am the promiscuous, druggie, raving, partying type you speak of.... Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I hanker; Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays I see it as a bygone age.

Occasional Saturdays I reintroduce it to my system, albeit briefly (and minus the drugs). I am usually incapable of rational thought at these times, so cannot say whether I hanker or not.

Original poster
HappySlapper · 14/02/2010 15:06

To be fair - I was a "a promiscuous, druggie, raving, partying type, and are no longer" - and I clearly haven't got it out of my system

I don't dislike being married. But perhaps I could be married Mon-Thurs and single Fri-Sun?

I do have a job, btw. Full time. But I would like to come to work on a Monday in last night's knickers once in a while

OP posts:
moondog · 14/02/2010 15:08

Oh well, talk to your husband and see if you can come up with an agreement of sorts.
Maybe he'd like the opportunity to go and shag a hot young thing too?

tethersend · 14/02/2010 15:08

Ah, I still do that happyslapper- not because I've been out all night, but just because I forgot to do the washing. Again. It's not really the same though.

expatinscotland · 14/02/2010 15:09

Yes, this is all there is. Films and books usually have no basis in reality. Stop letting the meeja persuade you that you need excitement via finding someone new to fuck.

Or just read the lone parent section, the dating threads.

ChristianaTheTwelfth · 14/02/2010 15:12

Message withdrawn

Original poster
HappySlapper · 14/02/2010 15:12

tethersend

expatinscotland - it's not the media. It's my yearning to be 25.

I am hideously depressed at the first line of your post.

OP posts:
ChristianaTheTwelfth · 14/02/2010 15:13

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 14/02/2010 15:14

'It's my yearning to be 25.'

Then I suggest counselling, and I mean that very seriously, because quite obviously, this yearning has no basis in reality.

I'm 39 next week and honestly, I have no yearning to be 25 again unless it were with all the knowledge I have now. So then I wouldn't have been such an incredible dumb ass.

Original poster
HappySlapper · 14/02/2010 15:14

And the sex! Not the same sex I can have at the drop of a hat. Same stuff, same order.

I want the thrill of the new.

I'm being too harsh aren't I

OP posts:
Original poster
HappySlapper · 14/02/2010 15:16
OP posts:
expatinscotland · 14/02/2010 15:17

You're being a bit immature, yes.

Just my opinion, but really, expecting life, including sex, to stay the same as it was when you were 25 is a bit silly.

I concur with the suggestions to try to shake things up with your other half, but comparing it to when you had no kids and the body of a 25-year-old is like trying to teach a dog to read: a pointless endeavour.

moondog · 14/02/2010 15:21

But life is exciting!
Interesting people to meet, books to read, places to go, exercise to take, making plans with your family, clebrating important events, watching your children grow, working, learning new things.

I feel depressed only at thoguht that I can';t cram it all in before I die.

Original poster
HappySlapper · 14/02/2010 15:21

It may well be a pointless endeavour... but it doesn't stop me wanting it!

I would be a pointless endeavour wishing I was rich, but I can still wish that I was!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 14/02/2010 15:22

But what about last night's poncy, smega-encrusted knickers, moony? Isn't that exciting, waking up not knowing who is next to you, where you are, or where your clothes and purse are?

C'mon! Visits to the GUM clinic and pregnancy test are the spice of life!