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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to want to 'dump' my friends group because we have nothing in common?

29 replies

laumiere · 13/02/2010 15:55

I'm 30 this year and it's provoked some serious life-evaluation. I used to have a really close knit group of friends at uni(nearly 10 years ago) and we all went our own way but keep in touch via email, FB etc (we're scattered all over the world). I met my DH who is 7 years older than me 5 years ago and we got married and had two boys in short order. I was accepted into 'his' friends group which is now the default 'our' group. My oldest son is almost 4, the younger is almost 1, I've been in a great but demanding job for 4 months, all good.

Except that I'm spending more and more time avoiding 'our' friends as I feel like we have less and less in common. We're the only parents of 2 kids, (and only 1 of about 3 couples of a group of 20 WITH kids). A lot of our friends are in couples but childfree. The problem is they always want to stay at home and talk about the same stuff and I want to be out enjoying life! I cannot face another evening where you can predict every conversation. DH is less bothered as he and his friends are roleplayers so always have a common thread. I don't have that (roleplayer widow).

So am I being unreasonable? Should I make more of an effort or just let it drift? I'm happy to socialise with DH, just less keen to do it alone!

OP posts:
UndomesticHousewife · 13/02/2010 16:06

What's a role player?

zippyzapper · 13/02/2010 16:09

IMO - You should cherish your friends - diversity is the spice of life.

Heracles · 13/02/2010 16:10

A player of RPGs

ImSoNotTelling · 13/02/2010 16:13

Get back in touch with your old mates

Do an evening class or something (less daunting by yourself) and have some fun, might make new friends

Say to DH that you want to do other stuff with him sometimes as well as seeing his mates

ImSoNotTelling · 13/02/2010 16:14

work friends? do they have work drinks and stuff?

ssd · 13/02/2010 16:14

God you're lucky you can get out at all,whats the problem?

ImSoNotTelling · 13/02/2010 16:15

If he has his mates round then they can sit the children and you can go out and do something else, kill 2 birds with one stone?

Bumperlicious · 13/02/2010 16:42

As a complete aside if someone doesn't know what a role player is, they are unlikely to know what 'RPGs' are

They dress up and play live games I think.

OP, sounds like you need to make some of your own friends. Do you have any friends at work you can go out with, or 'mummy' friends. It's likely that they will be just your friends to begin with but if you meet their DH's you might bring more people into the mix.

If you are bored by the friendships then I would ease off, but it sounds like your DH might not be keen to.

BitOfFun · 13/02/2010 16:45

I'm going to ask DP to role play for me later. Am I on the right thread?

TrillianAstra · 13/02/2010 17:14

Probably not BoF, you need to go here for that kind of roleplaying.

fluffles · 13/02/2010 17:18

you don't need to dump them - you just need more friends of your own... friendship groups are fluid.

if conversations with the group are that dull then you won't lose out if you send DH to meet 'his' friends and you go to some new group/activity and meet new people.

ChristianaTheTwelfth · 13/02/2010 17:19

Message withdrawn

ImSoNotTelling · 13/02/2010 17:23

Like dungeons and dragons type stuff.

inthesticks · 13/02/2010 17:24

I'd like some friends can you passthe rejects over here?

verytellytubby · 13/02/2010 17:26

Don't dump them just find more friends or focus on your old ones. I have friends from all stages of my life. I dip in and out of groups depending where I'm at.

BelleDameSansMerci · 13/02/2010 17:28

BoF - I have a mental image of your DH in Roman Gladiator outfit (not that I have any idea what he looks like, obviously)!

ChristianaTheTwelfth · 13/02/2010 17:41

Message withdrawn

BariatricObama · 13/02/2010 17:44

hang in there. if they are all turning 30 the women will start reproducing like rabbits in the next 5 years

BalloonSlayer · 13/02/2010 17:47

Sounds like you don't have much in common with your DH's lot either, if they are all roleplayers and you aren't.

Be careful you don't end up with no one to talk to!

BitOfFun · 13/02/2010 17:52
ChristianaTheTwelfth · 13/02/2010 17:58

Message withdrawn

BitOfFun · 13/02/2010 18:11

Exactly like that, Christiana, exactly

ChristianaTheTwelfth · 13/02/2010 18:14

Message withdrawn

UndomesticHousewife · 13/02/2010 18:17

Bumperlicious, you're right don't have a clue what RPG's is . But get the general idea what it is, I've seen that sort of thing on telly.

Anyway, maybe you could just drift away a little from them, just cos your dh likes to see them doesn't mean you have to socialise with them all the time too.
If you saw more of your own friends and then just joined the others occaisionally you wouldn't feel so much like 'is this it'.

BelleDameSansMerci · 13/02/2010 19:00

Ooooh, BoF, does he have a twin brother who happens to be single