To think school are discriminating-DS has long hair.

[Alexking]

My 9 year old DS has shoulder length curly hair I think it's gorgeous, he thinks he's a surfer dude. This week he was told to tie it back in school which he did but his class mates teased him and said he looked like a girl, they were even giggling about it later at brownies (my mum runs the brownie pack so I get inside info). I agree that for sports or cookery it should be tied back although I struggle to see why he should keep it back all day especially as he is so upset by classmates comments, it was a real fight to get him into school today.
My issue is not with being asked to tie it back. The issue is that they ask DS to tie hair back but not DD. In fact, on my journey from DS class to school office this pm I counted no less than 19 girls with hair down.
I've asked school to clarify the reason why it should be tied back and finally, after lengthy and slightly heated debate, they have advised "It just looks scruffy" apparantly "the school like any other school, has certain expectations as to how children should look and DS hair does not meet these expectations". AIBU to feel they are discriminating since he is the only boy with long hair in the school. Surely when it comes to long hair the rules should be the same for boys and girls?

yanbu, though at DDs school, they ask all hair long enough to be tied back.

yep, you're right and they'll probably back down if you go in to see the head and mention discrimination laws. sounds like a rule they've made up on the spot - so it can be unmade just as pdq

My son has long(ish) hair aswell as he too think's he's a surfer dude. It's a PITA though as it keeps getting in his eyes. I'd leave it if it were me, depends on how non-conformist you are though. Some people want to turn us all into clones, it will be the same clothes, same hair cut next.

that is ridiculous.

ya so definitely nbu if girls are allowed to wear their hair down.

most boys like short hair, so your son is hardly going to start some sort of scruffy epidemic by being the only one

idiots

it depends, does it clearly state in their uniform policy "boys hair to be kept short or tied back"
They can have differnet uniform policy for girls & boys (including hair) BUT it must be clearly defined.
If it is not clearly defined then any ruling they impose must be equal in terms of race, religion, disability etc otherwise they are in clear breach of discrimination rules.

Also "hair should be tidy" is not clearly defined enough as one presons tidy is another persons messy IYKWIM.

DD's secondary school has a DHT on the gate everyday checking hair styles. Boys are not allowed anything less than a no.2 strim and no tram lines of any kind. Either girls or boys are not permitted to wear their hair in anything other than natural colours. i.e. no colours other than brown or blonde.

I signed to agree to the school rules though, so that's that.

yanbu

DS (yr 3) has long surfer dude hair. He has to tie it back, as do all the girls. He doesn't care (in fact likes the attention although I don't like the endless having to buy hairbands which get lost every day). But all the girls have to do it too, otherwise I'd be on them like a ton of bricks for discrimination (although legally doesn't really work, different standards for men and women I'm afraid). The reason for tying back at our school is NITS. since we don't do hair washing we don't get them so we don't care!

Most schools have a uniform code written into the prospectus. What does your's say? The school will either have to start getting the girls to tie their hair back too, or allow your son to wear his loose too.

But it isn't as simple as discrimination imo. What is acceptable for a girl is not always acceptable for a boy - that's the society we live in - children are expected to conform to a standard dress code as part of a school uniform just as many adults are in the world of work. Long surfer dude hair is lovely on some boys - but I don't think the school are being unreasonable in requesting that your son ties it back.

yanbu ffs

My son is in yr 2 and also has shoulder length curly hair which just adds to his adorableness

He did have to tie it back when they were cooking but apart from that its fine. There are a lot of boys in our school with long hair but as long as its shoulder length then its the same rule as the girls and doesnt have to be tied back.

Anon is right. Rules on uniform and appearance do not have to be identical for boys and girls, which is why girls may (in most schools) wear trousers but boys can't wear skirts. And I'm not sure that the 'right' to have long hair is one that is protected by any piece of equal opportunities legislation.

I think you're more likely to get somewhere if you lobby for the uniform policy to say something along the lines of 'shoulder length hair must be tied back' - that would apply equally to boys and girls.

Maureen do the gingers have to dye theirs then?

What do you mean when you say you don't care about nits because you don't wash hair Tiger??

Phew was worried I was going mad. I did go to the head this afternoon, hence I had the chance to count the girls with hair down. He actually had the nerve to tell me off for being angry (and I mean proper send DCs out of the room and sit me down for a good telling off). I explained That I was angry because I feel DS is being treated unfairly and whilst I agree long hair can be an issue if not tied back,I felt it was wrong of them to ask DS to tie hair back (resulting in bullying) while girls were evidently not being asked to do the same.
It's not the first incident either, we went to speak to head last year as son felt he was being excluded in the playground. Head teachers response was "Well you are so much bigger then your class mates, you must seem very scary to them". He is very tall for his age, at least a head above the other kids in his class, but for a child with an already low self esteem, this was not the response I was hoping for. Surely the world is way past victimising people who look a bit different, children may find it difficult to celebrate another child's individual style but you'd think teachers could manage it. wouldn't you?

Does it matter tho..oh it does annoy me its only hair ..tramlines,surfer hair... god I hate school rules and uniform

There aren't any gingers at DD's school. My DD is privately educated. They don't 'do' ginger.

JOKE!!! Ginger is aloud.

the governors decide uniform policy and it should be reasonable and fair. does it sound reasonable and fair or petty and unfair for boys to have to tie hair back while girls have hair down? just complain to governors and take it from there. fwiw head sounds crap anyhow - ever thought of changing schools ( am thinking of the bullying and low self esteem issues not hair length here)

I agree it is loud, not need to discriminate against it though.

Also, as for school uniform policy, the only copy I can find only talks about clothes, it doesn't mention hair (perhaps there is a more detailed version somewhere but it's not published on the website.) Before the school admitted they thought he looked scruffy (this is something he tells me they said to his face as well which I feel is unprofessional but the school denies it)they told me there was something in their H&S policy, again, I can't find a copy of this published anywhere and since I can't see how long hair could be a danger during maths lessons I requested a copy from the school. They seemed to take offence at my request and didn't so much as refuse to oblige, but told me they didn't have a copy to hand and it was far to long to go through anyway, despite telling them I would be happy to read through the policy in my own time, I still came away with no more tha a good old telling off.

My DS never got asked to tie his long curly hair up. He actually won 'best hair in school' award 3 years running

He IS a surfer dude.

Pic on my profile.

only my friends with boys in public school have this rule, so my friend has had to have her son's surfer dude hair cut, otherwise he'd have to wear in in a pony tail. At our local CofE school there is no such rule. Nits are rife though

Thanks everyone, ok so perhaps I am a little non conformist, but wasn't it conformity that killed the cat? no wait that was curiosity, but still if cats conformed we'd never be able to tell who's was who's. The same goes for our kids, and I encourage mine (kids that is not the cats) to develop their own opinions and sense of style. As long as they grow up, happy, well mannered and well behaved (still working on the later 2)that's enough for me. whilst I believe it is true that no primary school in England can enforce school uniform I am happy to go along with school rules so long as they are the same for everyone. If my son has to tie his hair back so be it, this isn't an unreasonable request but as it isn't in the uniform policy, if boys have to tie hair back then they have to ask girls to do the same. And deal with the bullies too.