To think school are discriminating-DS has long hair.

[Alexking]

My 9 year old DS has shoulder length curly hair I think it's gorgeous, he thinks he's a surfer dude. This week he was told to tie it back in school which he did but his class mates teased him and said he looked like a girl, they were even giggling about it later at brownies (my mum runs the brownie pack so I get inside info). I agree that for sports or cookery it should be tied back although I struggle to see why he should keep it back all day especially as he is so upset by classmates comments, it was a real fight to get him into school today.
My issue is not with being asked to tie it back. The issue is that they ask DS to tie hair back but not DD. In fact, on my journey from DS class to school office this pm I counted no less than 19 girls with hair down.
I've asked school to clarify the reason why it should be tied back and finally, after lengthy and slightly heated debate, they have advised "It just looks scruffy" apparantly "the school like any other school, has certain expectations as to how children should look and DS hair does not meet these expectations". AIBU to feel they are discriminating since he is the only boy with long hair in the school. Surely when it comes to long hair the rules should be the same for boys and girls?

It doesn't sound like your school is terribly good at non-conformity, for either children or parents. They should have been able to give you their policy (why should it matter if it is long?) I'd be wondering if it said anything about hair in it at all, and in any case if it is a H&S issue then of course it should apply to both boys and girls.

My ds has a total mop, and I am slightly surprised that his school haven't suggested he should get it cut, as it dangles in front of his eyes somewhat (he is resisting having a hair cut). But everyone seems to like it. Our school's only policy on hair/clothes seems to be no strappy tops in the summer and that's about it. Perhaps school that don't have uniform policies are more relaxed?

I'd be at least thinking about a change of schools, because it doesn't sound like they are very good at the parent partnership aspects or at pastoral care. My dd is at least a head taller than her classmates, it's not exactly unusual at primary is it.

Belle - re nits.

Of course we wash hair, I was exaggerating for effect. But we only do so about once a week. DS has never had nits, although they're rife in his class. I had heard that they prefer nice shiny shampooey hair but maybe that's an urban myth but works for us.

I have very thick curly hair and my mum gave it the minimal wash treatment when I was a kid and no, I never had the little blighters either.

If girls don't have to then yes, they are BU. Our school is v old fashioned when it comes to hair, but we fight a losing battle.

When I was at school girls had to tie hair back if it was shoulder length or longer, boys weren't allowed long/stylised hair. But I suspect that if they have developed with the times (old school private school) then either boys are allowed long hair tied back, or both girls and boys can wear it loose.

If your DS has low self esteem, perhaps a bit more conformity is what is required. It doesn't do to 'stand out' if you haven't got the strategies in place to deal with other peoples reactions to the fact that you are 'different'.

My DS and DD have very long hair. They both tie it back. It looks neater and leaves them less prone to nits and sticky bits.

YANBU the head is an idiot. Either there is a rule or there isn't. Ask for a copy of the uniform policy and copy of the anti-bullying policy for good measure. I think you'll find he has followed neither. Write a snotty letter and cc the governors and LEA. The hair thing is stupid but the response to bullying made my blood boil. The head sounds like a bully; although going in angry was never going to help your cause, especially if you were being angry with the head in front of your DS.

We've had the boy/ long hair problem where I teach and it's really annoying because the parents kick off about tying it back just for PE! The whole thing was ridiculous. I wish I had a parent as reasonable as you for the children in my class. And I love love love that look on little boys. Very cool.

I had all this nonsense with my boys years ago - can't believe schools still think they can get away with it! I won in the end, but I had to write countless letters about it and ended up feeling like a barrister!

As far as I'm concerned no school should have the right to ask a boy to present themselves by any different standards than a a girl. If a boy wants long hair he should be entitled to do as he wishes so long as it is tied back for H&S reasons. It is unacceptable to ask a boy to tie his hair back but not a girl. It is unacceptable to insist that a boy's hair is scruffy just because it is longish, (but too short to tie back) but turn a blind eye to a girl with a medium length bob or whatever.

Likewise, if you don't want boys wearing earrings to school, that's fine, but don't allow girls to wear them either. It is not acceptable to say that earrings are ok for girls but not boys.

God, this thread reminds me of why I hated school, and why I'm dreading it when my DS's go!! Pointless petty timewasting crap. YANBU.

In my class I make sure that my start of year letter includes something about children with long hair having it tied/clipped back during lesson time. It makes no difference to me if the long hair-owners are male/female/hermaphrodite. When my hair is long (which is rare) I tie mine back too as I have memories of our H.E teacher forcing us to tie our hair back whilst hers straggled in our cooking!

What a lot of fuss, ladies!

I hope we're all standing on the sidelines wildly applauding our DC's 'non conformity' when they're 15, sitting on the school wall, fag in one hand, can of beer in the other.

YANBU. Ffs, is it 1942?

That sounds like conforming to your peers expectations to me ampere. Being your own person in my mind would make it rather less likely that you'd be following the crowd.

Honestly, I think you & ds should calmly stick to your guns on this one. He will tie it back for any activity wherein other pupils with long hair are expected to. Otherwise, the length of his hair is not something about which his school need concern themselves.

It's different at secondary, where uniform (& presumably silly rules about hair) are enforceable.

I am not keen on the surfer dude look myself, but the same rules should apply to boys and girls alike. At my DC's schools, boys have to have hair above collar length with no long fringes, and girls have to have hair tied back. Does it say anything about hair-length in your school bumf?

YANBU
DS1 has long blonde curly hair (it's scrummy). When looking around primary schools I always asked about boys and hair. They were all fine with it (at one they have a male teacher with long hair, a friend of DH's, so the HT said she can't really ban pupils ffrom having long hair)

Everyone is expected to tie it back in my dds high school, there is one boy who has looooong, blonde wavy hair (think a young Robert Plant). It's beautiful

Many years ago my friend (a boy) was told that he had to get his hair cut (it was beautiful, brunette, spirally curled, shoulder length hair) in order to go to school. There were girls (with long hair) in the 6th form, so his dad informed the headteacher of the sexual equality laws...hee hee.

I think your son is entitled to be treated (with respect to the rules) in the same way as the girls ie. if they're not expected to tie their hair back, he shouldn't be imo.

School policy for us is long hair tied back, whether boy or girl. It does help to reduce the chances of getting headlice.

I teach at an all male environment and the boys have to have their hair tied back. It was a recent(ish) amendment after long hair became fashionable. Other schools are far more strict and do not allow boy's hair to grow beyond collar length, shoulder length girl's hair to be tied back and hair has to be of a natural colour. It would not surprise me, OP, if the school amend their uniform policy in the light of challenge. But they clearly have nothing in their policy now, otherwise they would have produced it triumphantly.

Unless I'm getting you muddled up with another poster Alexking, you are in disagreement with the school re treatment of your ds' behaviour and needs; I would go for the bigger battle tbh.

There are also girls in the sixth form where I teach but they have different rules applied to uniform and hair (no tits, tums or bums showing) no dye and hair tied back for practical subjects) - no breach of sex discrim laws.

Alex MY ds has long hair like a surfer
at as far as I am concerned its either "all boys and girls" tie thier hair back or not at all
Not just your son

The head told you off! That would really rile me.

My little boy is going through that untidy stage as his hair is growing, he is still young though but we have decided to let it grow - blonde and curly -- so cute!!

If he faced this at school, I'd definitely argue it - we send them to school to learn and hairstyles do not effect learning!

We live in a diverse society and it is part of Every Child Matters that we support individuals to be happy with who they are and that everyone is valued. I agree with the 'tie back the hair rule' in terms of hygiene and preventing the spread of headlice but it applies to both genders.

Send him in with a hairbrush so if they say its untidy he can give it a brush - what will their reason be then?