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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is my mum bloody rude?!

62 replies

ibetitsonlyme · 12/02/2010 20:03

I am 40+ weeks pregnant, have SPD and a very active toddler and I have a chest infection .

Whilst working P/T my mum usually has DS twice a week. Whilst I have been off on maternity leave she hasn't offered to have him.......I feel quite hurt by this as I have been really poorly and have asked for some help but there is always a long sigh and I am made to feel like I am not being a pain. She is hard work so I am not massively shocked by this.

Anyway, we now share the same hairdresser and both have an appointment for Monday. To make it easier for the hairdresser it was agreed that she would do both of us at my house. As I am now overdue, when my midwife called today to book me a home visit and a cervical sweep I thought perfect, come on Monday and there will be my mum and the hair dresser to keep an eye on DS and I can get sweep down upstairs etc.

mum tells me tonight that she was going to cancel her appointment on Monday (not much notice to poor hair dresser) and I was veryt rude to assume she would be here to watch DS

On her way out the door she said to my DH that she should have taken the day off (she knows we can't afford for him to take a day off)

I felt terrible for my DH and its clear she won't be giving us any help if the baby comes next week.

AIBU or was she horribly rude??

OP posts:

diddl · 13/02/2010 20:36

"diddl sorry but I think thats OTT, I would start to sound like I don't trust her! "

Sorry, OP, I don´t understand.

Original poster

ibetitsonlyme · 13/02/2010 20:38

sweetkitty how terrible for you, not what you needed at all. Thank-god your home birth went well......doesn't bear thinking about if you didn't have DP with you.

OP posts:

Original poster

ibetitsonlyme · 13/02/2010 20:40

diddl - I mean if I asked her when she was within my own house if she minded looking out for DS whilst I went to the loo, or made her a cup of tea, or went upstairs for a sweep......

I know what your trying to say.....don't take her for granted....

OP posts:

diddl · 13/02/2010 20:47

Oh I see.

No of course you wouldn´t say keep an eye on XXX whilst I go to the toilet etc.

But the sweep thing isn´t quite that so maybe she thinks she should have been asked?

i obviously don´t know you or your mum, but it seems she has done quite a bit for you and I wonder if someone has said something to her to now make her think she is being taken advantage of.

It seems that there might be some misunderstanding that could be sorted out but you both think that you are right so no one will "give in" first?

sweetkitty · 13/02/2010 20:47

ibe - it was only one thing in a long list of things stretching way way back, I do not speak to my Mother at all now, best thing for me really. I'm of the opinion if you don't ask for help you won't be disappointed when you don't get it.

I know where you are coming from being overdue with a toddler and in agony from SPD, you just want your Mum to come and help out a bit, like you would do for your DCs, when you see the help your friends get from their Mums it's hard not to get and . All my Mum wanted was a photo of the DC on the all to boast to her friends about and to visit about twice a year so she could tell her friends how wonderful they are, when she did visit she hardly interacted with them anyway.

best of luck hope the sweep works, I hate them never having another one, this baby can stay in here forever

Original poster

ibetitsonlyme · 13/02/2010 21:04

sweetkitty "when you see the help your friends get from their Mums it's hard not to get and "

That's just how I feel!

Thanks sweetkitty I can't blame this baby for not coming out! I wouldn't either!

OP posts:

sweetkitty · 14/02/2010 14:44

ibe - the best thing you can do is be the best Mum to your DC you can and lot allow history to repeat itself.

This is the worst time of all for you, in a few days hopefully you will be cuddling a newborn baby and these days will all seems like a lifetime away.

Original poster

ibetitsonlyme · 14/02/2010 16:08

Thank-you sweetkitty , really appriciate that x

OP posts:

pranma · 14/02/2010 16:18

I never understand women like your mum.I relish every opportunity I am offered to look after dgc.I have the youngest 1 day a week[dd is a teacher]and hated the idea of missing out over half term so dd is letting me have him for a few hours so she can have a hair do and lunch in town.its such a special time to have one to one with dgc.

Original poster

ibetitsonlyme · 14/02/2010 16:21

pranma you sound lovely! Will you adopt me and my DS please!

OP posts:

sweetkitty · 14/02/2010 16:58

I look on it as her loss my DC are utterly fab and at such a brilliant age, my Mum has seen DD3 twice since she was born (19 months now) think of all the things she has missed out on.

Still it's her missing out not me.

pranma · 14/02/2010 20:07

onlyme-always room for one more here!

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