AIBU wanting to strangle my MIL

[thefinerthingsinlife]

Tomorrow my dh, pil and myself are going to London for an important 'do' in my dh career. Mil then leaving early to go away with friends for the weekend, fil coming for a meal with us.

Mil rang last night to say fil wasnt coming for a meal with us after as he would be too tired (what she actually meant was she doesnt want fil spending money that she could spend, she goes on nurmerous hols, recently brought herself a newlap top, is always buying clothes for herself off the net, btw she doesnt work, never has, and fil works F/T).

Dh challenged her on it, and it ended with mil telling dh that we rub her nose in it that we have money, something we have NEVER EVER done! ( we dont have 'money' btw, we have a massive morgage, a toddler and a baby, so our wages quickly dissappear)

Dh is now v.upset and thinks his mum will carry on like this tomorrow and ruining the day.

Is it wrong that i want to tell her not to bother coming/strangle her

Assuming you aren't really skint wouldn't you pay for FIL's meal anyway? Then there's no issue, is there?

tell her not to come and invite FIL for dinner on you.

TBH,I´d look forward to the meal without them.

sounds like pure sour grapes, she doesn't want FIL to enjoy something she cannot share in

I would just say that FIL is coming to the meal and pay for him to go!

Id also tell fil to get a backbone!

Thats what i said to dh, but he has said no as thats what mil wanted us to do. I do see y he said it because whenever we go out with them we normally end up paying for everything plus driving them. Mil is very tight with money for example dh nana was in hospital 40 miles from where we live, mil rang and aske dh to take her (she does drive, just didnt want to use her petrol) and he did, when they got there dh said 'do you mind paying for parking as i drove?' which isnt unreasonable , she responed i didnt bring any money {confused] she then said to dh 'ooo go get me a cup of tea'.

Dh has just had enough of her penny pinching, when she constaintly spends money on herself

PeedOffWithNits thats exactly what it is.

After all of this i'm think a meal without them will be less stressful, i just feel bad for fil.

Fil just wants an easy life and unfortantly that equates to him doing what mil tells him

I think if she is going to spoil your DH's day, then you should tell her not to bother coming tbh.

Tell her you cant afford to pay for her as you have just spent ££££ on a designer outfit especially and have booked into a 5* hotel for the night and you cant drive as have arranged a chauffer driven limo

sb6699, ha ha ha love

Do whatever you feel would be right for your DH

Do you think it is because your FIL doesnt feel comfortable about coming on his own? MIL sounds like a cow

In all honesty i dont think fil has had a say, i think if he was allowed to come that he would enjoy the freedom

Well if FIL won´t stand up for himself so that he can enjoy a celebratory meal with his son, then I wouldn´t worry too much about him either.

Could you ask your dh to ring his dad and request that he goes as he would like him to be there?
Mil sounds very controlling of him.
What is fil doing when she is away over the weekend? Could dh go and see him on his own if fil is "not allowed" to stay for the meal?

Presumably your FIL is an adult and can decide what he wants to do himself? How come MIL is the baddie?

fil wont come without mil say so, because if he does it will mean weeks of her bitching and being a nightmare to be around, he just wants a quiet life.
while mil law is away fil works.

YANBU. Your mil sounds like a right bitch. Poor fil.

well if your FIL and MIL have that dynamic, you aren't going to change it. She calls the shots, he acaquieses, you get called names.

Its THEIR problem, not yours.

I suggest doing the one the one sentence repeat thing of , sorry MIL if you can't come to dinner, FIL is welcome we will pay. If he feels uncomfortable, then OF COURSE you understand. See you at 12. Or Not. Their choice.

What madamedefarge said.

Is spot on. Stay out of it as best you can.

oh she sounds pretty similar to my aunt.....also very tight with money, unless it suits her!

in answer to your title, no, you are definately not being unreasonable......just do it slowly and relish it

MadameDefarge dh has refused to pay for fil meal out of principle, his arugment is mil can afford to go away for weekend, so that can afford a meal, he's really
psychomum5 you'll see on the news tomorrow woman attack by dil outside a london restaurant

if they really couldnt afford meal we would be more than willing to pay for dil though, (we not meanies honest )

Oh blimey, yes. Well, if Fil and Mil dynamic means he needs her persmission to buy his own dinner out, then yes, what a nightmare.

But still their issue. I would support Dh by saying again, both welcome, pay your own way, love to see you, understand if you can't be arsed are too tired to come.

And enjoy your night.

Sometimes its hard to let go of our expectations of our parents, but as this is your DHsnight to feel proud of himself, he can just file it under :my mad parents" and move on, rather than get bogged down? Just a thought.

finerthings, I will watch with relish hoping to get some tips....

I do feel very cross for your DH. this sounds like a very important night for him, and his mother is on the verge of ruiniing it for him, and surely ruining his good feelings about it all.

The problem is she's got form for ruining special occassions, she had a huge row with her sil at my dd christening, she was so late to our wedding that i had started walking down the aisle when she arrived, she also had a row with dh on wedding day, so mil was stroppy the rest of the day, so her bad behaviour isn't out of the ordinary