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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want this woman in my house

61 replies

Bubbles2002 · 11/02/2010 10:34

OK, I have posted the first part before in another forum section, but there are updates and I would really like peoples opinions.

Here goes:

I have a very annoying neighbour that just lets herself in to my house. She just does one knock and then lets herself in. If I remember to lock the front door, she then lets herself in round the back way. Worse still is the fact thst she usually comes just as I have put the baby down to sleep and I am getting housework done. She's not a nice character, very nosey and gossipy and she even regularly visits a man who has recently been accused of sexually abusing his daughter when she was a child. From titbits that she mentions it seems he is on remand and not allowed near children. Why would she want to visit someones house like that?

Some incidents we have incurred:

Over the summer she tried to get my son to go and play out the back garden with her daughter but then when he did she accuses him of knocking down her washing line.

She pounces if he is ever off school ill and comes in saying 'why aren't you in school?'

When she wants to be patronising - are you STILL breastfeeding him dear?

She seems to despise the fact that we are married and she is in her 40's and although been living for years with father of her kids never married.

She asks all the time for my son to go and watch her son play on xbox 360 and then the next day she is telling me that he cant come in because her husband likes his privacy!!

I really dont want me or my kids to have much to do with her because she is so odd but I only have to open the back door to put something in recycling bin and she opens her door. Every time I have visitors she comes out and tries to talk, people have remarked on this.

Help what do I do - I dont like confrontation but something needs to be done. Recently she has been saying to my 12 month old son 'shall I take you for a walk.' Any advice appreciated. My haven has turned to a hell. It's got to the point I have to keep curtains shut as she is peering in windows to check if I am there.

So far this week I have kept the door locked and not answered. She went from front to back like a loony knocking and I could see her trying the handle. At the moment when I am going outside I am not making any conversation with her and trying my best to give her one word answers. I have also told my son to be polite but don't make any conversation. It is very waring though in my home.

UPDATE:

just wanted to know what people thought of this.

There's been no sign of the neighbour for a few weeks and now suddenly this week I have been having the postman knock with parcels for her - which I have refused. She has never had parcels delivered here before ever. She doesnt usually order any and she is always usually there. Anyway I did think it was odd that I was suddenly getting parcels sent here.

Also yesterday my wheelie bin was no where to be seen when I went out to get it.

Now after several weeks of no contact with her she knocks the door
(a) to ask me for a favour - to take a parcel in for her tomorrow
(b) to ask where my wheelie bin was

It's especially weird why she was asking me to take in the parcel as she had just come out of the (sex offenders) house- the neighbour the other side of her. They are always there, why not ask them as she had just been in there? Also, how would she know that it was definitely going to be here tomorrow if it's just royal mail. Because the last few havent been special delivery.

I think it is just a ploy so that she has to come in here then for the parcel. Do you think this sounds too far-fetched? I am also wondering whether she has something to do with wheelie bin?

I said yes at first as I was off-guard about accepting parcel but then stepped outside and told her I wouldn't be here. I also only opened the door a little so that she couldn't push past. I also wonder whether she wanted some reaction about the bin if she had something to do with it.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
Coldhands · 11/02/2010 10:58

YANBU. She sounds like a right loon. I don't like confrontation either but in a case like this I would have to say something. Just walking into your house! Looking through the windows to see if you are there. I would politely tell her to back off other wise you will speak to the police about her harrassing you. Just keep doing what you are doing. One word answers etc. No favours and ignore her as much as possible, Maybe she will get the message. Always make sure your doors are locked. Pain about having to kepp the curtains shut though. I would be tempted to keep them open, then if she does start looking in the window, march over and shut them right in her face.

AmesBS7 · 11/02/2010 11:09

With things like this, it can easly become all-encompassing and obsessive on both sides.
You're best to go and have a good talk with her, having planned what you're going to say in advance. Stick to the script and don't get into or respond to any nasty comments or arguments with her.
You could give her a mobile phone number and ask her to call before she comes round. Say that if you don't answer, then it's because you're not feeling sociable.
Re your sons, be very, very clear that she is NOT to ask them on walks or to other people's houses unless she's spoken to you first.
Say these things slowly, repeat them, don't get cross and get her to agree them before you end the conversation. Pick the three things that you really want to change, rather than a long list.
Talking over the garden wall is unavoidable and your guests will just have to learn to concentrate on their own conversation!
Things like wheelie bins and parcels - don't sweat them - sounds like there are more important issues to resolve first.
Your primary goal has to be protecting your family's peace and privacy at home.
Hope this is helpful!

BariatricObama · 11/02/2010 11:15

ames is v. sensible but tbh i wouldn't even give her a mobile no.

she sounds utterly demented

GothDetective · 11/02/2010 11:19

Can you get a high gate installed so she can't get round to the back of your house? Definetly don't give her your mobile number or she will be ringing you all the time. She sounds a bit bonkers.

BariatricObama · 11/02/2010 11:20

tell her the council have phoned the police abou the wheely bin and are following a good lead!

nickelbabe · 11/02/2010 11:25

does she only ever come round in the day when your Hs aren't around?

i wonder if one day, when your DH is home, you could do a bit of naked hide-the-sausage when you spot her wanting to come round.
(would require BOF's lack of shame though)
it might make her think a bit.

but TBH, she sounds like a freaking loon.

LEMprefersdogstocats · 11/02/2010 12:05

oh this is easily remedied - repeat after me

"fuck off you nosy old bag - i dont want you in my house, never have done - now leave me alone" alghough maybe less of the old, cos im 39 and shudder to think that someone might think im actually old

Also, a word of warning - how do you know that the guy opposite is a sex offender - was it ever proved? Rumours like this can be incredibly damaging if not true - and true or not - you can get into shed loads of trouble for perpetuating it.

my parents always had friends and relatives just walking into their house and they used to do the same - i would do the same with my close friend too. I would DIE if someone simply walked into my house now - although we live in a terraced house so not really possible - definately take to walking around the house naked (um, maybe when it warms up a bit)

BitOfFun · 11/02/2010 12:22

Have you actually tried just saying "Can you stop calling during the day please, I just don't like it"?

She will bluster and wheedle, then you say, "Yes, I understand that, but can you stop calling because I just don't like it"

Repeat as necessary. It's called Broken Record in assertiveness training.

Practice first on your husband or a friend- it is quite a liberating technique.

gtamom · 11/02/2010 12:22

High fences, thorny roses by all the windows, a dog, trained to keep her out.
Keep a diary of each and every time she visits, it could be useful for some sort of evidence, she sounds unstable.

And if she is seeing that person you say is a child molester, I don't want to be dramatic, but you do have kids, and she has been inviting them to play...I wouldn't want her near them. I would tell her that and why if he actually is a convicted sex offender.
Good luck!

diddl · 11/02/2010 12:26

Of course YANBU to not want her in your house.

But I don´t understand why you didn´t start locking your doors after the first time she let herself in tbh.

Pikelit · 11/02/2010 12:35

She's not right, is she? Don't allow yourself to be dragged into this latest conversational gambit or you'll be back where you started. With added parcels and quite possibly a ransom demand for the wheely bin. Of which, you are best off ringing the Council to report it stolen, thus you need a replacement.

rey · 11/02/2010 12:37

have to agree totally with what has been said YANBU also like gtamom says do it all now!

nickelbabe · 11/02/2010 12:37

wha?

rey · 11/02/2010 12:38

ALSO PRINT OUT THIS PAGE AND ADD IT TO YOUR LIST. She is totally out of order especially with links to a sex offender - this is not time to be polite.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 11/02/2010 12:38

You do have to do something, it can't be right for you be in hiding in your own home like this. I'd be really troubled by it too if I were you.

BoF's suggestion sounds good. I'm all for facing these things head-on in a polite but firm way. Easier said than done, though, of course -- but we're all behind you!

As for the wheelie bin, I agree that the best thing to do is say that you have reported it to the council or police or something, and leave it at that. If she had anything to do with it, perhaps that will help nip it in the bud.

Don't know what you can do re parcels, bit odd.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 11/02/2010 12:41

Actually re parcels, I'd probably just say to any future delivery men, "I'm sorry, but I'm not able to sign for it, please try the neighbour on the other side." I'm sure most posties and delivery people will have met with that response loads of times, it won't seem weird. Then if she comes to collect it you can just explain it's not with you.

BettyTurnip · 11/02/2010 12:43

Move house...she will never leave you alone.

PeedOffWithNits · 11/02/2010 12:44

I would be keeping the doors locked the curtains shut and the phone off the hook till she got the message

she is clearly very odd

if she pounces when she sees you coming and going say "sorry now is not a good time" and ignore anything else she tries to say - or tell her you're all in quarantine for nits/scabies/swine flu/worms or something!

BariatricObama · 11/02/2010 12:46

but she can't live under seige. just tell her straight adn then ignore her.

PeedOffWithNits · 11/02/2010 12:47

you are not obliged to take her parcels in for her, the postman can leave her a card telling her to arrange collection at her local PO or collect from sorting office, or leave with other neighbour. not your problem!

I think i would also be asking him not to leave any parcels for me with her either!

DorotheaPlenticlew · 11/02/2010 12:47

exactly Bariatric.

BariatricObama · 11/02/2010 12:48

where has teh op gone?

LittleMrsHappy · 11/02/2010 12:50

You have to put a stop to it! and do not take any parcels from this woman etc... also with regards to the bin, I would phone the council and ask for a new one, and not let this woman know you are bothered by it.

Im sorry also, but I feel I do have to say this, has the man, who is this supposedly "sex offender" been found guilty of this offence?, remember innocent until proven guilty!

If not, he is not a sex offender, he has been accused of being one!, and a word I words not be branding about, the accusation and gossiping alone is detrimental enough when man is question is innocent until proven guilty!

PeedOffWithNits · 11/02/2010 12:52

in response to ""where has the OP gone? ""

shhhh!! she is hiding in the wardrobe cos the nutter neighbour is banging on the door and peeping in the windows! LOL

PeedOffWithNits · 11/02/2010 12:54

and I know she cannot live under seige, but some people are so thickskinned or just plain thick that you have to be really blunt and obvious because they WILL NOT take a hint however polite

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