To really resent being sent to a private school?

[poshsinglemum]

And before you all start I was badly bullied there. I was constantly told I was ugly by the boys and excluded by the girls.
I felt that what ever I said was ridiculed so I ended up going into my own skin and saying nothing.
I remeber going to a lesson feeling suicidal and none of the teachers said anything.

We were in a lesson once and a boy in my class said ''I bet your mum regreted the day you came out of her c*. '' The teacher did nothing.

I got quite good grades but my confidence shrivelled and died.

What makes it worse is that my parents knew I was being bullied and kept me there. My dad was a teacher there and knew whta was happening but kept me there. I was so much happier at the local comp but they sent me to the private school as they wanted me to get good grades.

The truth is I wasn't rich enough to fit into the school. If I was rich and georgeous I would have fitted in better.

so what? Get over it! You're an adult now so shake it off and get on with your life and stop playing the victim card.

Because if you continue feeling sorry for yourself you'll never gain your confidence and live your life to the full

The best revenge on shitty children is to live a good life

YANBU and I'm sorry

FWIW I had a very good friend at secondary school and she wanted to go to a private school for 6th form (Chelthenham).

She was hideously unhappy there, withdrew into herself, she used to be hugely bubbly and outgoing and she became very withdrawn.

I saw her a couple of years ago (about 10 years after she went to the school) and she says she doesn't know why she went, that it really knocked her confidence and that she thought it would be a way of ensuring good grades. As it happened 3 of us who stayed at the local 6th form got very good results that were better than hers anyway.

SHe says she regrets going to this day

YABU - you can get bullied at any school.

Presumably your parents thought they were ensuring you got a good education.

I went to state where I was tormented (not really bullied though) and then to private on an assisted place which I loved. We weren't rich.

Just sounds like it was a rubbish school.

Ummm
are you under the impression that ebing bullied and excluded and generally badly treated is the sole province of private schools.

I was tormented for three years, beaten up and generally destroyed by a group of older girls.
My dad kept me there as he was strongly in favour of state education seeing it as a huge priveledge.
I left brow beaten , poorly educated and with no confidence.

I have never ever blamed that on state education. It was entirely the fault of the girls, the teachers involeved and the Head.

I suspect that the type of school has as little relevence in your case as mine

It sounds a rubbish school and your parents were vile to allow that to happen.

But sadly bullying goes on everywhere, not just in private schools.

What a terrible school! Do you resent it because you feel that your happiness was ignored in favour of your academic prowess? If so, are you sure that's what your parents cared about (A daughter as status symbol) or was it your longer-term happiness they had in mind (A daughter will have more life choices)?

I do have a good life and most of the time I am proud that I rose above it. I can actually look at the bullies and think ''dickheads-ha.'' I'm just having a bad day and wallowing in it so allow me a little self indulgence!

But yes - the best revenge is to have a good life. I guess it's about developing a kind of armour to deflect wronguns.

bullying happens everywhere. your parents did the best for you, likewise you will do the best for your dc's and hope that they won't resent the choices you make for them into adulthood.
i doubt there's a secondary sch in the country in which bullying hasn't taken place.
i don't think you would have had an easier time being whisked into the local comp with your confidence in tatters.

Your logic is flawed. You were not bullied because you went to a private school. You were bullied because there were bullies in your class and this can happen in any school, private or state.

DH went to a private school and wasn't bullied (assisted place and yes he was the poorest one there). None of his mates gave a crap how much money his parents had - he wasn't ever left out etc. It isn't a question of how rich people are really, it's a question of how decent the other children in the class are.

Your parents probably underestimated the effect that the bullying was having on you and they probably were desperate for you to get the best grades you could so that you could have more options open to you in life. I doubt they sat there and thought, oh, poshsinglemum is getting bullied, let's do nothing about it, who cares.

Try to put it behind you.

YANBU to be upset you wr bullyed at scool.

YABU to think that it was because you went to private school.

Bullying happens in all schools, in all countries.

There are lots of people who went to or who a at private schools who arn't rich and there on scholarships, bursaries and because parents are twachers who do not get bullied.

Equalyter are peope who ar rich aprivate schools who do ge bllied.

The same is true for state schols.

And if it isn't money, it might be because of hair colour, accent, sporting achievement, etc.

Bullying is horrid. But it does happen all over.

I don't think I have ever seen you post a thread that wasn't bemoaning your miserable past. You should get yourself on a waiting list for some therapy, you know- all this is very unhealthy and can't be helping you.

Another vote for YABU as bullying happens at all schools. I was bullied at my (private) school, but I don't imagine for a minute that it was because it was a private school, and I certainly don't think that life would have been a bed of roses at a state school. I just think I chanced upon a particularly foul bunch of girls. There were nice ones too; they were just less noisy.

I don't think many parents deliberately set out to make their children miserable. We make the decisions that we think are best for our children and hope that they work out. Sometimes they don't work out the way we'd hoped; this is a shame, but it's not something that anyone can be blamed for. One thing I've found since having children is that I understand my parents' decisions much better than I used to.

I don't think that being rich and gorgeous automatically means you will fit in at a private school, either. I was both, and was still bullied!

I agree about logic is flawed... but that's because your parents didn't take the bullying seriously and didn't move you to any other possible school. You have every right to be bitter about their inability to take the bullying seriously .

I had the same experience, only it was a state school that my parents were always being told was very good and therefore they concluded that any social problems I had were my fault... even though I hadn't been bullied at a previous primary school... nor was I at secondary. (sigh)

I went to private school on a scholarship and was bullied to breaking point for being 'poor'. My parents didn't believe me.
The day I snapped I punched a girl (the head's niece, oops) in the face, broke her nose, and had my scholarship 'removed' (they knew that this meant I would have to leave but it stopped them having an expulsion on their records)
I went to a state comp and there was bullied for being 'too clever' and 'rich'.
I snapped there as well but this time I didn't hit, I grassed, and the school handled it brilliantly.

It was not the school being private or state, it's the teachers allowing bullying to take place.
I don't resent it as it was the making of me, I have never allowed myself to be bullied since

I was also sent to a private school because my parents wanted good grades. I will go with YANBU, because it is a massive vote of no confidence, actually.

My parents thought that I was so inept and delicate, that I coudlnt get good grades at the comp. Someone I was at primary school with, got better O levels than I did, and he was at the dreaded comp! But my parents never seemed to see the significance of this, or have any confidence in me.

Resent them for not protecting you from bullying more, though.

That is nothing to do with private vs state, my sister and I both went to a private school and had very different experiences despite being very similar natures. I loved it, was top set but never in the popular crowd...just rubbed along without attracting attention and was quite happy. My little sis was similar, but horribly bullied and hated it.

Some kids have it tough. The trick is to learn not to dwell on it. My sis has certainly carried no adverse effects.

I know it's not 'done' to say this but honestly, is being called an ugly cunt at school really bullying?

I was called that and worse, and so were most other people I was at school with.

To me, bullying is when kids are specifically targeted by gangs, and violence or the threat of violence is used.

Kids are horrible. When teachers aren't there, they will call each other cunts. That's why I'm happy every day that I don't have to go to school any more.

I'd say, move on and forget this pish. I bet the really nasty ones all have crap lives now, all the nastiest kids at my school have.

TBH the hardest part for me was restraining my very protective big sis instinct and going and having some stern words! I think my mum did the right thing in telling me it wouldn't help, it would only hinder. I hope so.

PSM, I remember your thread on being still upset about not being sporty at school

It's good to realise that you have unresolved issues about school, but better still to resolve them comfortably and move on.

God, men are awful!

Seriously, I think this whole bullying obsession is way way out of hand. Being rude and verbal isn't bullying.

I was rude and verbal myself at school, as many posters on here must have been too if their posting style is anything to go by!

I had friends, and didn't hang out with the people I wasn't friends with, no doubt somebody will say this is 'excluding' others etc.

The thing is, we can't all have been bullied. Somebody somewhere must actually have done all this bullying. I still get grown women on the bus etc looking at the ground as I walk past in all my Boden glory ffs, as they thought I was 'scary' at school.

Likewise, I still shiver in horror at the thought of some of the 'tough' kids, now they really were scary. They were actually violent, though thankfully I was never attacked physically.

I don't mean to undermine the effects of bullying, but when one child is a bit off with another is just isn't bullying.