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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH should pay for his own clothes?

33 replies

GhoulsAreLoud · 10/02/2010 14:11

Ok, here goes:

DH and I went on quite a strict budget a while ago and it works pretty well. As part of the budget we each have £100 each per month to spend on our own things, such as clothes, magazines, going out etc etc.

Recently I noticed that quite a few of his purchases have popped up on the joint account. He had a little moan recently because he wanted to join the gym and I said he had to pay the £38 a month fee from his own money if that's what he wanted to do as the reason we cancelled is because he never went and it was costing a lot of money.

He's just bought a pair of trainers and a shirt on the joint account for £50 and says that he thinks that's ok because I've bought clothes on the joint account.

Actually what I've done is buy some very cheap maternity jeans and maternity vests on the joint account. I pay for all my make up, shoes, any other clothes etc out of my money. I even discussed with him how we were going to pay for maternity clothes and if he would be ok with me getting it out of the joint account and he said fine.

Now he says he won't pay for his shoes and shirt because of this.

AIBU or is he (and yes, I realise this is slightly puerile!)

OP posts:
pjmama · 10/02/2010 14:14

You both broke the "rules" about buying clothes out of the joint account. He probably agreed to your maternity clothes thinking that gave him the green light to do it too.

I'd just let it go and both of you promise not to do it again.

Original poster
GhoulsAreLoud · 10/02/2010 14:15

He had already agreed though that maternity clothes don't count, as the pregnancy is something that is jointly ours to pay for. Or should I be paying for all of the baby clothes too?!

OP posts:
Original poster
GhoulsAreLoud · 10/02/2010 14:15

And I have never bought shoes out of the joint account!!

OP posts:
coldtits · 10/02/2010 14:16

Well .... it's very difficult to make men see that maternity clothes are a necessity. my ex thought that because I bought 2 pairs of maternity trousers for work, to the total of £50, he was entitles to buy a computer game

Explain to him that if his feet went up 3 sizes because you'd planned another baby, and his shoes didn't fit him anymore, you wouldn't expect him to fund a set of new shoes himself, and that because of the choice you BOTH MADE to have a baby, you cannot wear your normal clothes, and NEED (not want) new ones.

skidoodle · 10/02/2010 14:18

I agree with pjmama

devilsadvocaat · 10/02/2010 14:19

can you buy you mat clothes out of the £190 maternity grant?

Original poster
GhoulsAreLoud · 10/02/2010 14:20

No devils, have the healthy eating grant earmarked for something else.

Now he's saying he doesn't mind if I buy shoes out of the joint account.

Marvellous, let's go back to not watching our spending at all and get back into massive amounts of debt.

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 10/02/2010 14:21

i think let it go this once and re think and discuss your money and spending together if your maternity stuff has come from it one shirt and shoes wont hurt either

Original poster
GhoulsAreLoud · 10/02/2010 14:22

I'll have to let it go because he's spent all of his £100 and can't afford to pay for it.

He also spent £60 down the put that we had taken out of the cashpoint to pay a tradesman when he came round. God knows how he's going to pay the invoice when it arrives.

OP posts:
Original poster
GhoulsAreLoud · 10/02/2010 14:23

down the pub

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 10/02/2010 14:27

You have bigger problems if he spending £60 in the pub when you have no money.

Do you really need to be with a financially irresponsible person when pregnant?

Original poster
GhoulsAreLoud · 10/02/2010 14:28

We don't have no money. That's the point, he didn't have the money to go down the pub (which he very rarely does btw) but as there was joint money to cover it he just took it and spent it.

His attitude seems to be that when his runs out he can just dip into the joint account and help himself, rather than do what I do which is to budget my money and make it last all month.

OP posts:
Original poster
GhoulsAreLoud · 10/02/2010 14:30

Fail to see how I "broke the rules" Pjmama and skihorse given that the "rules" were that maternity clothes come out of the joint account

OP posts:
diddl · 10/02/2010 14:44

Perhaps he didn´t realise that they were maternity clothes at the time.

That said, the "tit for tat" thing is petty.

I would have thought that 100GBP "spending money" was more than enough tbh.

Jux · 10/02/2010 14:45

You're going to have to have a serious talk with him, aren't you? 60quid down the pub??

Original poster
GhoulsAreLoud · 10/02/2010 14:49

Yep, £60.

They ate there, and he bought lots of rounds, then they went to a club for a bit, taxi home, KFC (despite eating earlier )it all adds up.

He's just really got on my wick today. I'm going to see my friend on Monday who is about an hours drive away. I wanted to get the train as DD is a nightmare in the car but when I looked the train was £42 and I don't have that money in my account so now I have to drive.

Whereas DH just spend the joint money without thinking about it. I think £100 is perfectly adequate too, loads in fact.

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 10/02/2010 14:50

Take away/ lose/ hide his joint account card! We have a joint account and each have our own seperate accounts, but DH lost his jt account card, and has never bothered to get another one- he has little need to use the joint account unless we're doing something as a family, so if he needs to he just borrows mine to withdraw cash. I didn't plan it this way but it works!! his personal account is overdrawn, and I am working at repaying the od (seemto have finally done it!) on mine, but the joint account is usually ok.

Mmmcoffee · 10/02/2010 15:00

Make an agreement, same as we have. Joint account is joint money, is only spent on joint things, which means it's a joint decision. We don't take ANYTHING out of the account without checking with each other FIRST.

If I see something that's on sale that I have to buy right away, and I think it should come out of the joint account, if I can't ring or text DH, I only buy it if I can afford it out of my own money. Then later on if we agree it's a 'joint' purchase I can reimburse myself.

BTW, we 'budget' by each taking our weekly money out of the bank on a Monday; we do NOT ever take money out at any other time, and don't use the debit/credit cards unless it's a 'joint' thing.

We are getting out of debt YAY!

Original poster
GhoulsAreLoud · 10/02/2010 15:12

Thanks mmmmcoffee, we always put the £100 in each of our separate accounts (old ones in individual names from before we had the joint account) at the beginning of the month so in theory it should be fine.

Might be a good idea though to check first about joint purchases, will try it. DH obviously has a much wider definition of what is joint stuff than me.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 10/02/2010 16:48

I don't understand why anybody has a joint account to begin with. If you can't decide what to spend the money on then why not just have your own money each.

If he thinks it's ok to spend £60 on a night out then he clearly either doesn't understand the 'rules' or simply doesn't care about them.

Morloth · 10/02/2010 16:52

Sounds like you need a new arrangement, this one isn't working.

Original poster
GhoulsAreLoud · 10/02/2010 17:13

The joint account is to pay our gargantuan household bills and mortgage. It's quite a common practice to have one.

OP posts:
coldtits · 10/02/2010 17:16

You need to switch it to a joint account where you both have to sign to withdraw.

MorrisZapp · 10/02/2010 17:25

I still don't get it. Why not just pay half each every month?

My DP pays all the bills, adds it up, and asks me for a cheque for half of it.

If one of you can't afford to pay all of it upfront, then roughly split the bills between your accounts then finesse it once a month.

I know I'm maybe missing something but I have never understood the need for joint accounts.

TeaOneSugar · 10/02/2010 17:27

We don't have a joint bank acount, I have two current accounts, my salary goes into the first one, as does a standing order from DH and the mortgage and bills come out of there, I transfer an amount each month into a second current account for me. DH has his own current account.

It works for us as DH contributes the same amount each month and no one touches the bills account, except one transfer a month into my account.

I personally couldn't cope with a joint account, I couldn't keep track of all the comings and goings. We have separate money and decide as we go along who pays for what or if we're going halves on a purchase. DH earns more than me because he's full time so he generally pays more towards things but it's swings and roundabouts really.

I think you need to review your system, maybe one of you (specifically you) needs to take more control.