Is my mil being difficult or am I misreading her?,

[howrulottie]

We have been very busy recently with family gatherings every weekend of this month,so have said to pil ring before you come over please and we are available blah blah they then said to me its not enough time to see the grandkids on the days I said ,since then Ive seen her and she said dont worry we will see your kids when your at work ,im beginning to think she is being difficult and has a gripe with me.
Thing is we have always got on but I have recentley had to put my foot down becuase she wants to come over when the kids are just having a bath and Im getting them ready for bed and she tells me and does not ask please help as its really peeing me off.

hi as a gp myself and mil, i think they shouldnt just assume that its ok your end or thats its ok to see the gc when your not there..unless its pre arranded/planned. they should respect your wishes as to times when you can all sit down and happy gathering. if im going to see my son/partner/gc i ALWAYS phone first and see if its ok to pop in, if not thats fine, it doesnt mean anything just that theyre busy, but never at meal times or kids bedtimes.

My family are always welcome, im not into all this appointment making.

I would hate anyone dropping in. When I was a child we only had 1 uncle who did that. He lived 3 hours away and so stayed for hours with his wife when he did come. He never phoned in advance and once we were all in the car about to go swimming and very excited (lovely outdoor lido pool) when they turned up so of course swimming had to be abandoned.
I think if you visit without checking it is convenient first you are being very rude and selfish and basically implying your desire to visit at that precise time is more important than any plans your host may have to do something else.

I was also raised that people who drop-in without checking first are very, very rude. Even (maybe especially) family members.

I still like the idea of pre-scheduled visits. My brother always brought my niece around on Sunday afternoons. My parents knew that my brother and his wife were very busy working parents and would never DREAM of barging in on them unannounced. They liked that they always knew they'd see their granddaughter weekly (barring illness/emergency of course).

Whatever arrangement works for the OP, she deserves to be treated with respect. Just because her ILs are grandparents doesn't give them a pass to be pushy and rude.

Your kids, your rules. There's no grey area here.