Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think someone recieving incapacity benefit shouldnt be going on holiday on their own if they need a carer?

54 replies

allthreerolledintoone · 09/02/2010 18:46

and by holiday i mean abroad for nearly 2 weeks.This is a person suffering from a bad back/neck. And by carer i mean a person who is their partner and very capable of working but hasn't for nearly 18 years and is therefore recieving all the benefits a carer is entitled to.

OP posts:
mamazon · 09/02/2010 19:42

you didn't come on to question the wisdom of her going away alone - out of fear that she wouldn't be able to manage/cope. you were questioning the validity of her partners claim to be acting as her carer. you were trying to insinuate that they were swinging the lead.

ask any question you like, but be warned youw ill get the response ti deserves.
and do not try and backtrack in order to cover for your judgemental opinions.

JosieZ · 09/02/2010 19:44

Interesting ---- posters quite ofay sp? with someone claiming disability allowance possibly undeservedly.

I wonder if this is an age thing.

Maybe whilst receiving child benefit, 'free' education for your children etc you feel magnanimous towards claimants.

I don't have an issue with it really as there are no jobs for people claiming dis. benefit anyway but their income IS coming from the tax that workers pay (some of whom are no doubt not in peak health or are struggling on low wage) so I cannot be critical of the orignal poster as others here are.

mamazon · 09/02/2010 19:48

as i have said in my first post - if she thinks they are claiming fraudulently then report them. if not then mind her own.

how they spend their money is none of her business

Strix · 09/02/2010 19:54

I think the OP might be questioning the criteria by which this particular man was judged to be incapacitated. This of course raises the point that if people who are not unable to work are taking incapacity benefit then there is less in the pot for people who are actually unable to work. And of course then there is the partner who is taking a caring allowance.

Now I obviously know nothing about this man and whether he is capable of working. But, obvioulsy, if he is capable of working he shouldn't require benefits. There just simply aren't enough to go around in today's economy.

OP, correct me if I have misinterpreted your post.

SawneyBeane · 09/02/2010 19:56

I didn't detect any bebefit-bashing from the OP.

I think she has asked a perfectly valid question, if someone has need of a carer 24/7, how can they go on holiday without a carer?

What's the problem with her asking this?

allthreerolledintoone · 09/02/2010 19:57

because i was curious it was mentioned to me by someone who thinks they are faking and a previous thread brought this question to my mind. I always have to listen to this person drip and moan about their bad back etc and then they go off on holiday for 2 weeks on their own nearly half way around the world. I dont doubt they have something wrong its just whether they play on it.I would of thought they would of took someone with them if they are bad as they say they are. But hey ho none of my business.

OP posts:
allthreerolledintoone · 09/02/2010 20:03

I personally dont understand the criteria for IB etc so assumed that if some one was able to manage 2 weeks do they really need a carer to stay at home with them 24 hrs. have no idea how it works. I do think the berson does play on it a bit but thinking about it i think she fears change and her carer having a life outside of them.

OP posts:
thatsnotmymonkey · 09/02/2010 20:05

holy moley, allthreerolledintoone

what has gotten into the tone on MN recently? Who decides who can and cannot go on holiday. I can see it now, jumped up judgey pants tells you off "You are too poor to have a break for 2 weeks abroad(no less) you must stay at home and be miserable!"

Terrible terrible threads.

It is not just a question though is it? It is a complex subject. show some humility.

Bleatblurt · 09/02/2010 20:06

Quite the amateur psychologist, ain't ya?

If you genuinely think they are scamming the system then report them.

tartyhighheels · 09/02/2010 20:10

All the benefits that carers get, yea yea an amazing £54 a week..... get a grip love and keep your nose out.

allthreerolledintoone · 09/02/2010 20:13

its not about the benefits or the money im not interested in reporting them whatsover or whether they go on holiday.Im just questioning whether that person needs a 24 hr carer and ask this because i think the carer would like to go back to work tbh.

OP posts:
dandycandyjellybean · 09/02/2010 20:16

Speaking as the 'full time' carer for my disabled dh, just because someone is paid the princely sum of £54 because it has been determined that they need full time care, it does not mean that they receive that care. I wonder just how much independant care you could actually purchase with £54 a week?

My dh has some days where his care needs are minimal, and others when I can do nothing else but look after him, our 4 yr old ds, oh, and my aging mil. I know that people who see him on his better days judge him; well if he can do this or that why can't he manage without care / work part time etc. They don't see him crawling up the stairs on all fours after the odd day when he has pushed himself to do something with us as a family, or that he is then confined to bed for several days afterwards; even weeing in a bottle coz it's agony to get out of bed!

They don't see that sometimes I weep with the frustration and 'never-ending'-ness of it all. How hard it is to have suddenly found myself caring for and married to an old, broken man at just 23 (me) and 29 (him) respectively.

I have done it now for 17 years and consider it my privilige to do it; but I wonder if you know how hard it makes it when you know that people are constantly judging your entitlement to every scrap of anything that you get, just because they don't fully understand your situation? Please stop wasting your mental effort worrying about this, and be happy that you aren't in the situation of needing to justify your every move in order to be paid £54 for a job that would cost the govt £1000's.

Oh, and believe me, I would give up any amount of free dentistry(it's not free actually, except the very basics, but hey ho) or any other benefits that you perceive make my life cushy, just to have my lovely active, healthy dh back again.

MoreSpamThanGlam · 09/02/2010 20:17

OP - as you know so much about them, why dont you suck it up and go ask them? Stop window twitching on here and knock on the door and tell them in your best Brian Blessed voice that you demand to know what is going on. That it is a matter of honour and duty! Then maybe get a petition ready?

MaggieTaSeFuar · 09/02/2010 20:17

'i would of thought they would of took it more seriously'.

god it's depressing me. I am unemployed and there are people who can't speak English who are employed. At least, I assume she must be. Otherwise she wouldn't have the effrontery to beatch away like this.

allthreerolledintoone · 09/02/2010 20:17

Im not analysing they have pretty much said they would.

OP posts:
thatsnotmymonkey · 09/02/2010 20:19

The piont is you don't know and we don't know the ins and outs of the situation, and clearly it is a tricky one. So it might be wise for you
not to ask for people to weigh in on such an emotive issue. It is not simple. How the f would I or you know if the person needs the carer?? How? I don't get it?! Odd

MoreSpamThanGlam · 09/02/2010 20:24

If you are planning an all out enquiry, why not save the public some REAL money and go and ask some stupidly wealthy multi-millionare about the tax loopholes he is using and denying the public of hundres of thousands of pounds instead of a few quid.

Fucks sake...

tartyhighheels · 09/02/2010 20:25

actually the criteria for carers allowance is 30 something hours a week not 24 hours a day

thatsnotmymonkey · 09/02/2010 20:30

sawneybean I think that there has been alot of shite been said about benefits etc recently.

allthreerolledintoone · 09/02/2010 20:31

I am sorry for causing offence it was a genuine question out of curiosity.I honestly don't want it to be my businees i was asking for view points as i genuially couldnt understand.It isn't about money or any of that. I dont mean to accuse people or carers as i realise you are doing a job. I can't even imagine how hard it is caring for people 24 hours a day with no break. I applaud anyone who does this and i realise it actually save's the government money and the pay out and help you get is appalling it doesn't even meet minimum wage. I think carer's deserve a holiday and break absolutley and i wish the carer in this situation would.

OP posts:
thatsnotmymonkey · 09/02/2010 20:35

allrolledintoone that sounds a hole lot more reasonable

allthreerolledintoone · 09/02/2010 20:48

I didn't know tarty which is why i am asking.I just didn't know if there was a way in which the carer could go back to work and i mean through their own choice to. Did the person really need that much care? Could they manage if the person went back to work etc.Its just speculation at the end of the day. I see two very unhappy people, a relationship that is no longer husband and wife but carer and patient.A person who has given up their life to care for their partner and isn't even allowed to have a social life or break.

OP posts:
JosieZ · 09/02/2010 20:54

Gosh --- y'all ain't seen nothing yet.

Wait until after the election and the cuts in public spending start --- whilst benefits are paid to deserving (according to mumsnet) folk holidaying in Florida others' will be seriously cut.

Y'all can't have everything.

2 weeks in Florida for two, say 1,500 quid. Maybe some of that should go to his kids? No?

allthreerolledintoone · 09/02/2010 20:56

Yes i agree i don't really know how much care they do or don't need so none of my business.Ive got my own problems.

OP posts:
JosieZ · 09/02/2010 20:59

Sorry confusing two threads which is where I got Florida from. (Is that half way round the world?)

Swipe left for the next trending thread