in wanting to burn the baby whisperer book!

[Littleknight]

Hi

I've just had a few days of tears and self doubt in my role as a mummy to my gorgeous 4 and a half month old baby after reading the baby whisperer book.

Until now I've always bf DS on demand and until recently we were co-sleeping. He had moved to his cot in his own room very well but I was BFing him to sleep then putting him in. I wanted to get him used to falling asleeep more independently rather than dropping off on the boob! I also felt that I needed a bit more of a feeding routine - but not a really regimented GF style one - SO I started reading the baby whisperer. Big mistake in hindsight!
I used the BW pick up/put down strategy to settle DS which is fine but then I started reading more of the book ....big mistake
DS sleeps well at night once settled but will only nap for about 30 mins at a time during the day usually totalling 2ish hours over the day. I'd never really worried about this before reading the stupid book - but according to BW this type of napping is a sleep problem. I've just spent 2 days 'observing' my DS (as the book recommends) and basically misinterpreting his every move and sound for overtiredness and overstimulation.
After a tearful chat with my mum and heeding her wisdom to chuck the book I feel normal again and am enjoyng my baby again instead of feeling guilty and inadequate.
I sure BW works for some but it's going in the bin!

YANBU, if it doesn't work for you then it belongs in the bin.

I must say I found it a godsend, it helped me no end and I would recommend it to other parents.

I think books are around more these days because in years gone by mothers and other female family members often lived close by and helped with the newborn. While this still happens I'm certain it is less common these days. My mother for one is estranged from me and I wouldn't of dreamt of asking her for help and for this reason I sought advice from elsewhere. This book was just fantastic for me.
Each to their own, if it doesn't work for you, fair enough, but please don't write it off as nonsense. Its a lifeline for so many, just take a look at the website if you don't believe me.

YANBU - I laughed out loud when a friend gave me a copy. And laughed even more when I learned that Ford doesn't actually have any childcare qualifications as such. Or children. Both of which are pretty fundamental IMO. You will do just fine without baby whispering - go with your instinct and don't feel as if he should be in a routine unless it's the right thing for YOU.

Sassy, thats a book that is very different to this one. This is the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg.

My dd loved BW but used it selectively

The EASY thing seemed really counter-intuitive to me. My babies have all gone ESESESaEEEESE.

I thought the stuff about breastfeeding was a bit odd - the point I stopped reading was when she suggested you should express to "take a yield" of what milk you're producing

But the stuff on recognising crying I found useful.

The book I liked best was First Time Parent by Lucy Atkins. Fab.

Agree BigWeeHag - DD goes AEAESAEESEAEAS. Then, once she's gone down for the night, I get the glass of wine Y!

Cilitbang - can you tell I tend to lump all baby instruction manuals together Apologies - I was indeed referring to the baby asleep by 7.01 am regime

YANBU

BW (both but particularly "solves all your problems" -first rule of life never believe anyone who can do it ALL...) made me even more crazy than I already was after having DS. Coming from a profession where the answers are in the books, I thought I might find some assistance as I struggled to adjust with my new baby, in a book. They really rave on about BW over on the pregnancy thread...

Initially I too turned to it for SLEEP (and think that the sleep bit is pretty ok compared to bits of other books) but then also dipped into the other chapters. Some of the info in the breastfeeding bit in particular is just plain INCORRECT, in a way that could undermine BF.

I didn't know it at the time of course, but it really fXXed with my head, and in the short term, my relationship with DS (as well as affecting my BF supply). I still feel very sad thinking about that time. I thought there was something wrong with my baby ffs.

To be fair, I WAS a bit mad anyway, but therein lies my problem with ALL childcare books/self proclaimed gurus now...I think it's usually moments of desperation that drive vulnerable people to them and unfortunately those are the same people who can't always intelligently pick and choose, "trust their instinct" and recognise nonsense when they see it.

Like you for a while I wanted to burn the lot, hence the YANBU above. Now, I am mostly over it, and you too will recover . Glad you are enjoying your baby now-hurrah for the lifting of clouds of doubt .

Those books are rubbish. I used them and realised they were undermining my instinct and stopping me have the confidence to make my own decisions. As soon as I realised this it was much less stressful dealing with DS.

But then again, I know it's hard as a first time mum when you don't know what you're doing.

YANBU. I wish I had never bothered with it, I was just creating problems. Fortunately some wise mn-ers told me to throw it out of the window and I felt much better.

It was silly really as my baby was relatively easy, I think - yes she did have very cry-y days but no more than most little babies and a lot less than some. I think I just needed to understand that babies will cry sometimes, you are not doing anything wrong, do what feels right to soothe them, and if you get really stressed smell its head and it will make you feel better.

YANBU.

I spent quite a while stressing because my daughter had a SAES routine. Did everything I could to keep her awake after a feed, and then desperately tried to get her to sleep after her 'activity' time- constant battle.

I finally gave up, let her feed to sleep because it worked. Contrary to what BW says, this did NOT prove to be a huge problem, she gradually stopped doing it as she got older and we introduced different sleep cues.

I'm sure it's great for some, but didn't work for me.

dont worry, so many people struggle, read book, feel even worse! I had the same with DC, ultimately it boils down to one thing

is it my fault that my baby does not sleep XXX way?

Its NOT!!! babies are all different.

Thank you everyone for helping me out of a lack of confidence blip! I feel back to normal again now and DS is learning to settle himself at bedtime well despite me feeding him to sleep at other times.
I'm not going to literally burn the book but certainly won't read it again or get sucked in by any other so called baby expert's strict philosophy!

I tend to think that anything that has the word "whisperer" in a title, is nothing but complete fictional botty-wipe.

[sorry, thread hijack!]

porcamiseria, love your name! are you italian by any chance?

[end of hijack]

I'd recommend your Baby Week by Week, as I loved that when DS was small - all cuddly and with nice suggestions (like 'you'll know when you're ready for baby to have a routine/sleep in their own room so don't rush it as little ones need to be with you' - paraphrasing horribly) and helpful tips.

Couldn't get on at all with BW and thankfully gave away the GF mini books that came free with some of the baby magazines .

Would also recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution, as it makes it clear that all babies/parents are different and doesn't make you feel like a failure for not wanting to use controlled crying (like my doctor did!!!).

Penelope Leach was my mentor. But to be honest, when I'd had ds2, 18 months after ds1, time was far too short to be agonising over things. I'm a great one for needing to read everything but came to the conclusion that this was actually unhealthy. The best advice was the advice I felt comfortable with.

So throw the book away. It might work for some people but it sounds as if there's a serious chance it could damage your relationship with your baby.

Did you know the BW is dead? Perhaps if she were still alive she'd be able to update her books.

Thats pretty tasteless Irons

FWIW I loved the BW book, it was my saviour! Not that I thought it was all great, I completely ignored lots of it because I read it and knew that some of the advice was not for me/us. But, that being said, some of the sleeping advice really REALLY helped me.

I think if you read it and hate it, of course it isn't going to suit your parenting type so chucking away it is best for you....

YANBU.I was given this book by a friend, found it extremely annoying, especially writing style. Ds always used to feed to sleep, or nap in his buggy and is only now at seven months having long naps, he's totally fine though, another one who just doesn't want to miss out. Made me really paranoid that I was doing everything wrong when I read it. As my Mum said, the babies haven't read the books.

I got the book as it promised to help me get bf ds3 to take a bottle. Well, it didn't and I found a lot of the bf advice absolutely dreadful! For a start, it put the blame firmly on my shoulders for not giving him a bottle from birth, and IIRC wheeled out the old chestnut about bfing a child over 1 as being "for the mothers benefit" Ds3 was fed for 2.8 years and unlike his older brothers didn't get glue ear. I stopped bfing ds1 and ds2 at 12 months and they both needed grommets.

Ds3 says burn the book!

Oh, yes and the "Look, luv!" every other page drove me mad!

PS also liked Your Baby Week by Week and No Cry Sleep Solution, though Your Baby Week by Week bit too keen on weaning at 4 months for me. Early bits great though and written by a doctor.