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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My sister has given my name to the police...

65 replies

PrammyMammy · 08/02/2010 23:56

I know i anbu here, but what can i do?

My sister is 21, a single parent to a 4 yo dd. She has never really had a group of friends since having her dd and has started hanging with this kind of rough group. I know one of them sells drugs, not heroin, but most others.
Anyway, on Saturday night she was at one of her new friends flat, having a drink. My mum had her dd. One of the neighbours called the police on them because if the noise. Turns out there were under age drinkers in the flat too and the police ended up taking everyones names. I'm not sure what went on exactly, or why they wanted everyones names but my sister pretended to be me. Gave them my name, address and number. I have not heard from them, and she told me herself last night. I didn't really know what to say, i explained that she could get in trouble for lying, but she just laughed it off and said that they couldn't prove she isn't me (!!).

I'm angry at her, but don't really want to cause a family riff. What would you do?

OP posts:

Original poster

PrammyMammy · 09/02/2010 13:01

The lady said she needs the door number, it is in a block of flats but i will get it tonight, i will walk the dog round that way.
You want to know something rebecca, we are usually really close, since she has met these 'friends' we are not as close, but still def close, we speak every day, and she is supposed to be my bridesmaid in September.

OP posts:

aSilverLining · 09/02/2010 13:29

Sounds like she needs some better friends.

Does she usually lie?

Don't worry about causing a rift, it is not you causing it, and anyone hearing this story would be sympathetic to you and horrified at her. It is a rather immature thing for a 21 year old to do IMO.

Do get the house number if you can then, and as elmofan says, a record of you checking up on this, recordingyour concern would also be helpful and put your mind at rest.

blinks · 09/02/2010 13:38

what's your mum saying about this? is she not furious on your behalf?

diddl · 09/02/2010 13:46

By telling you, she has kind of left it to you to sort out, hasn´t she?

If you know your name has been wrongly given, do you have a duty to sort it out or wait & see if anything comes of it?

It would worry me sick tbh!

And if your family do take her side then they are not worth bothering with.[hard bitch emoticon].

She´s an adult who is responsible for a child, not a silly teenager.

foxytocin · 09/02/2010 13:51

I agree with everyone else here really.

You have to look after you. Your sister obviously isn't looking after anyone else but herself and is willing to drop you, her sister in the shit in order to save her skin. You have to protect your reputation from any future damage or any other stupid, self serving stunts your sister may pull in the future. If you do nothing about this, you are telling her it is alright and she will probably do it again.

Contact the police yourself, nevermind letting her doing it first, I would be fearful she would tell you she has done it but doesn't.

If you have a record of being at a party where underage drinkers and drug dealing types (who will probably already been known by the police as that) then you are in danger of failing a CRB check if you ever apply for a job working with children (paid or voluntary) So there may go any chance of working as a TA or even a Brownie leader.

Yorky · 09/02/2010 13:54

I don't want to worry you but, considering the company you say she is starting to keep, what was she ON when she gave your name? (If she actually did) It doesn't sound like she was thinking straight.

She also sounds lonely. I know being a single parent is hard, especially young but is she so desperate fro company that she will risk being able to keep her DD? (Admittedly looking a long way ahead, but maybe she needs scaring like she's scare you?)

Hope you get it all untangled before your wedding

hippacrocadillypig · 09/02/2010 13:59

I think she's lying about why the police came out - they won't come out just for noise anymore, if you ring them they tell you that you have to report it to a different agency - via the local authority I think. I rang them a while ago as we have a house opposite us that has been converted into flats and rented out and one of the young lads had a very noisy party one night. They will come out if there is a public order issue but not for noise.

diddl · 09/02/2010 14:04

I´ll admit I don´t know much about the law, but had no idea that underage drinking in a private property was against the law.

How would anyone know it was happening?

WeddingDaze · 09/02/2010 14:15

hippa - That depends on where you live, but i too would be suspicious, if that was all it was, why lie?

hippacrocadillypig · 09/02/2010 14:17

wedding -I did't know that. But as you say, why lie about your name if it was just noise and why would they even take names?

Chulita · 09/02/2010 14:33

prammy - I did work in the police for a bit (5 years ago now) and if we took someone's name down at something like this, if there wasn't an actual offence we would still put their name in as 'intelligence' in a different system (not the criminal one). If that name popped up again it would be added again as 'intelligence' so you might get stopped for speeding and if the police do a check on your name certain things can come up. (That's how it worked where I was, but every Constabulary's different). If you can get this sorted out I would and screw the 'family rift' - your sister lied to the police and gave them your name so she's the one who's causing issues here. And if you have the street and the approximate time they'll be able to track the call down, you might have to hassle them.

MadamDeathstare · 09/02/2010 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Triggles · 09/02/2010 14:59

Having also worked for the police for numerous years, I would say your best bet is to contact the police and explain the situation. They need to know that she is using your name, for a number of reasons. First and foremost, so that she cannot get away with doing it again! And then once you've sorted it with the police, make it clear to her that they now know about it, and will be aware of the problem, so attempting to do it again will not be an option for her.

mathanxiety · 09/02/2010 15:05

Persist at this, and clear your name. This could crop up on any job application, not just related to children, because if the police were called for something else besides noise, or if they found something else besides noise or underage drinking (drug dealing, fencing operation, etc.) your rep will be seriously in the toilet. Your sister has shown she is ready and willing to say just about anything to make life easier for herself and avoid being held accountable for her decisions. I would be inclined to worry about the worst case scenario here.

aSilverLining · 09/02/2010 15:30

Even as a parent/ relations regularly going into your child's/relative's school you are now police checked. I would be beyond furious if this were me and totally anxious until I knew my name wasn't on some police list. for you.

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