Softplay, telling other people's children off........

[posieparker]

I rarely brave these places anymore, too many lazy arsed parents not watching their children, but today I did. Cue child crying for ten minutes before I found her mother, sat texting not watching her two-three year old, then another little girl who was no more than two was terrorising other children. She scratched my friend's child's face which bled in three places and then rammed babies/toddlers with a ride on car, hard. One of these babies was my 15 month old.

I found a member of staff and complained, my friend took the child by the arm and told her off. Now I think she should have either found her parents or a member of staff. Retrospective telling off of someone else's child is not on and can get you punched! what would you have done?

Told the child off, told a member of staff and found the mother.

And then left.

I have never been to one of those places and I think I never will.

In general, I am not averse to telling another person's child off, if their parent is not there to do it. But, you have to be a bit more gentle than you might be with your own child.

I think it takes a village to raise a child, and plus, your child needs to see that you are defending them.

With a 2 year old, I'd simply say "Don't scratch", and I would try not to touch them, unless i had to.

Possibly a bit late to tell a 2 year old off after the event, in your example.

I have asked other people's children why they've hurt mine or suggested games that they could all play together to try and mediate but when things have become too fraught, I would get a member of staff.
Fortunately we don't go to those places any more because mine are getting too old.

I wouldn't mind another parent telling my child off, in a rational, calm way. My godson was called "an evil fucking shit" and grabbed by one parent, who failed to realise there were 5 of us at the table with his mum. All 5 of us rounded on the guy and the police were called. It depends how it's done. My son has been told "excuse me, can you stop" and it's not a problem, but grabbing is not on unless child is really hurting someone or is in danger

I've never had a problem at soft play, but if I needed to intervene I would, and I wouldn't hesitate to tell a child off if they were being mean. Although I'd be careful what I said.

The majority of kids at soft play seem nice. I had a lovely little boy around age 7 bring my 2.5 yr old ds to me the other day because he assumed he was lost. He wasn't lost (honestly, we were watching) he was just following the older boy because he wanted to be his friend. Sweet kid though.

Honestly? I would have extricated my child and had a good bitch to DH about feral parents letting their kids run riot and that's about it.

Not advocating that as a course of action at all btw, but you asked what I would have done and that's what I did yesterday when some brat child grabbed my DD around the face at soft play.

If another child was hurting mine then of course I would intervene if I couldn't see the parent around and doing it. I've not been in this situation often, but on the couple of occasions I have, I find a gentle but firm "Sweetheart that's hurting him/her, shall we find another toy or would you like me to help you find your Mummy?" does the trick.

I have been at soft play and seen an actual fight between 2 parents, started when one stormed over to the other and asked "Are you the parent of the little f*ker who has just hit my DD?" Probably NOT the best way, imo!

SG

If somone grabed my 2yr old Dd by the arm,, they had better run!!

I do think it is fine to 'tell off' a child who is hurting others though.

When my Ds was 3 or so I remember he was told to "wait his turn" by a mum in soft play. I was near by and thanked her for not letting him puh in.
Ds was upset (as some kids are when told off by somone they dont know) but thats life.

I have no compunction about telling off other people's children, but I am always very gentle about it.

Last time I was at Soft Play, a little boy, aged around 3 took a toy truck off my ds (2 and very small for his age).
I gently took the truck off the boy and calmly said "my ds was playing with that you can play with it when he has finished" and gave him a toy train to play with. And when ds made a bee line for the train, I steered ds firmly away!

I tell off my friend's 4yo who sometimes is a but too rough with ds, his mum doesn't mind because I will always so it in a gentle way and then give him lots of praise for playing nicely with my ds.

I agree with Jamieandhismagictorch, it does take a village to raise a child.

I don't so much 'tell off' as instruct as to the correct behavior.

I don't say "You're a naughty boy for throwing those balls at my son" - I would say "Balls don't go near faces, do they? Throw them gently"

And I have physically moved children before - I will eg disentangle a child's hand from another child's hair, or eyes, or clothes if it looks a bit rough.

I will also pick up lost sobbing toddlers and find their mothers, who always look a bit cross with me, but I don't really care.

My DS was in a softplay aged 2. He was minding his own business when a boy aged around 6-8 sauntered up to him and slammed him to the floor, totally unprovoked, totally unexpected, no comments from the boy! This boy was about 3x the size of my DS. His father was a long way away and so my mum shouted at this boy.

I would only tell another child off in the event that they had displayed very bad behaviour and their parent was nowhere to be seen. I always watch over my kids at softplay, then I always know what's happened and if there is a problem I can sort it out immediately.

These places are hell on earth, and I am so grateful mine are older now.

I'd be grateful if a kind person picked my child up. I normally take a childs hand and bring them to their parent or whoever. I assume the ones who look annoyed at you would ignore a crying child. Tsk

I will also pick up lost sobbing toddlers and find their mothers, who always look a bit cross with me, but I don't really care.

Yeah, me too - why do they look annoyed though ?

I think that a parent that ignores a two year old long enough to injure two or three children is probably the sort ofparent who would be very pissed off at someone else telling their child off. I have no data to support this, just a hunch. In all fairness my friend was very very calm, but if I saw someone taking the time to really tell my child off I would rather they had found me first, but then they wouldn't have to look hard! Plus a small child of two needs to have bad behaviour addressed at the time not ten minutes later.

Softplay is horrific though.

Because you're reminding them they aren't doing their job properly?

I dunno, I don't helicopter, I sit at the table, flick through a magazine, have a drink, but my ears are always alert for my childs cry and I scan the place every minute or two to check where he is and if he's ok. I don't understand people who just abandon their small toddlers in soft play and don't seem to hear them walking through the tables crying for mummy.

i have told off in the past - ds was only 1 and was in the toddler area playing happily when a (much) bigger child walked up to him and started slapping poor ds across the face, hard! I told child in no uncertain terms that he should stop, then demanded he take me to his mother (who was happily ignoring him elsewhere) and told her what her child had been doing. I was livid. She was apologetic to be fair but very unbothered. Could have turned into a fight I guess if she had reacted aggressively!

Every time I've ever taken my kids to soft play, its been fine, but I do tend to go when I think its going to be as quiet as possible.

I have no problem at all telling other people's children off (and I do so at mother and toddler group as well as there are always a few mums who think kids should be left to batter other children'find their own place in the group'). However, agree with coldtits that there is a way of doing things.

I would never 'manhandle' someone elses's child, although I would gently move them if they were hurting another child. I think a calm 'please don't push, lets all play nicely' is the way to go.

You know something

you'll grow out of it, the whole fury thing, and you'll become one of the parents who goes to soft play to let their kids play and have some slightly less distrubed time

you don't think you will, but you will, oh yes you will

(voice of experience)

I've been to soft play a few times and I sort of didn't get the feel for those type of places. Costly for what it really is, and I think DS actually has more fun at a play area locally, out in the fresh air. And it's free - bonus!

As for what happened, I'd say your friend did what she thought was correct at the time. I personally wouldn't have told off someone else's child but that's just me.

I did also notice when I was there several parents not giving a toss, so when things went wrong no one was there to tell off the child who instigated the bad behaviour.

I'm now laughing at someone saying they read a mag when they are in those places! Like i ever had a chance to do that with DS - i was constantly watching what he was doing to check on him at all times from a distance.

i hate the way parents of tiny children think that the rest of us whose children are a bit older should hover right over all the children.

if you're desperately scared your child will be injured, then stand right over him/her, or don't bring them in the first place, but don't expect the mother of an independent 6 year old (eg) to stand staring at her 6 yo when she could be chatting to her friend or enjoying her coffee or whatever.
It 's a bit much. Protect your OWN child from the danger in any given environment.

I did this when my children were tiny. Now they're a bit older I can take them to soft play and sit and chat/drink coffee. Finally. I've earned it.

I wouldn't tell a 2 year old off but I have told older children off. A couple of years ago when ds was 3 I caught two boys aged about 6 kicking and punching ds and his friend. I gave them a very stern telling off and frogmarched them to one of the assistants. I wondered if I had gone over the top with my reprimanding as I made one of them cry, however I didn't say anything to them that I wouldn't have said to ds if he was behaving in that way.