about sleep or is DP?

[happymatleave]

DS2 is 8 months old and we have co-slept since he was born. DP has never helped with him at night. He is at work and I am on maternity leave so I don't mind doing the majority of the night times but he never helped even though he was on paternity leave for the first 3 weeks and he doesn't help at the weekends either. I don't really mind this but we co-sleep because it is easier for me that way and I get more rest.

DP doesn't want us to co-sleep anymore, he says it disturbs him too much and he wants his bed back. I can understand this and agree it is probably time to try to get DS to sleep in his own room.

DP wanted to do controlled crying but I can't. From what I have read about it you need to both be committed and I know I would cave in straight away. It just won't work for us because I don't believe in it. I have looked into other ways of sleep training and we discussed it and agreed to try putting him in his cot and soothing him, sushing him etc. but not leaving him on his own to cry. I knew that this would take some time as DS is not used to sleeping on his own.

DP agreed to help and suggested that we start on a Friday night so that we have the weekend to get some rest.

So this Friday I went in and out of DS's bedroom, comforting him off and on throughout the night. It wasn't as bad as I expected but I still didn't get much sleep. DP didn't get up at all.

Saturday night I went to bed early, expecting little sleep again but DP had said he would get up this time. Instead he stayed up really late, drank a bottle of wine to himself and played on the xbox till the early hours of the morning and then slept on the sofa.

So I again did all the night up and down comforting DS.

Of course last night came and he said he couldn't help because he had work the next day and needed his sleep.

I really feel like going back to co-sleeping again. I was happy give the sleep training a go but don't see why I should be the only one to get up, especially at the weekends.

So AIBU to go back to co-sleeping or should I be sticking this out so that DP can have his bed back?

I should point out that he is a really good father/DP in every other way. We share the cooking, housework, childcare etc. during the daytime, it's just at night that he will not do anything.

Agree with Sailaway - DH could sleep through ds1 screaming on our bed when I was bfing and he had no particular responsibility, but when I am not at home he wakes up if one of the dc
cries.
Some people do very badly without sleep. DH turns into a depressed grumpbag. With ds1 he wanted to do what pureasthedriven's DH did, but was so grumpy in the daytime he had to be told to stop!

PandaEis - sounds like you need to kick your DH up the arse!

swift kick to the gonads should sort him out

"some people do very badly without sleep"

most people need their sleep to function well but why should the man have to get more sleep at weekends just because he feels he's entitled to it? I think alot of mums just accept things as they are for an easy life which is really sad.. I couldn't live like that. I need my sleep just as much as DH, whether I'm a SAHM or FT/PT. I'm sure others agree.

"you do get used to it honest"

not a chance! it's not something i'd let DH get used to.

i agree pure lovechoc i meant that in a 'yeah right' tone of voice i spend alot of my time poking DH in the back while he mumbles unconvincingly as if he is really asleep-which he isnt! i have no intention of getting used to anything and i think the finger-poke injuries on DHs back tell him my story

OP,
He's wanting to have his cake and eat it, as someone said. You should either get Friday and Saturday nights off, with your DP getting up as necessary, or you should get a decent lie in Saturday and Sunday mornings. Preferably both. Every week, no exceptions.

Agree that now you've moved your DS you may as well stick with that and work on getting him to settle better - but your DP should be helping with that at least on nights when he is not going to work the next day. If it helps, this is about the age at which my DS started to sleep significantly better - going down from 2/3 wakings a night to just one, which for me made a huge difference to how tired I felt, just in time for my going back to work Sometimes Mother Nature is on our side!

Also, have the discussion now with your DP about how it'll be when you go back to work - he will definitely then need to step up again and do more night soothings. It's just not fair at all for him to get unbroken nights all week when you are both at work.

good on you PandaEis, that's the way to treat them . sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind.