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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Small and Petty Issue regards to mothers day flowers

37 replies

QuintessentialSnowStorm · 08/02/2010 08:27

I think the issue is really small and not really worth making a point about.

I have one sister. I am married with 2 kids, she is a single mum of 1 child. We twice as many people in MY family as in HER family. Naturally.

So, for mothers day we were to buy a present and a bunch of flowers (I am also baking a cake). In my opinion it would be obvious that we split the cost in two, as it is from the daughters to the mum. She suggested throwing in the rest of the families, so the gifts were from us, AND our families. In her case also her daughter, and in my case, 3 more people. And then we split the cost accordingly. SHE pays 2/6 of the price, and I pay 4/6 of the price, as we are 4 people, and she just 2.

My mind boggles. I will of course go along with it, as I would feel embarrased to argue the point.

But, please humour the pedant in me. It is OUR mother, and mothers day, so really the cost should be split between the two of us, and who cares how many other grandkids are included on the card?

Is the cost to be split in 6 and she pays 2/6 for herself and her daughter, and I pay 4/6 for me and my family? Or do we split it in two?

OP posts:
blowninonabreeze · 08/02/2010 08:30

Mind boggles at your Dsis, Split in two, but agree tis not worth falling out over

TrinityIsFallingApart · 08/02/2010 08:34

she is crazy
really weird behaviour

or is she seriously strapped for cash and trying not to say it

Original poster
QuintessentialSnowStorm · 08/02/2010 08:41

She has always been very down to the penny with money issues, but I just think this takes the biscuit. She is not much worse off than us. She treats herself and her dd ever so often.

OP posts:
Original poster
QuintessentialSnowStorm · 08/02/2010 08:44

Like, she bought 11 bottles of different wines for Christmas, some for marinade, some for sauce, and some for drinking. She said we should go half half, as we should split the cost of the Christmas booze, after I had paid for the aquavit for our father, as I suggested getting it for him. The thing that grated me a bit was that of all those bottles for drinking, I got one glass per meal, she had the rest of the bottle. (She stayed at my parents, and me and my family (dh does not drink, neither does my parents) would come and cook and then eat together.)

I am just beginning to think that the money division is really not going in my favour.

OP posts:
bellavita · 08/02/2010 08:46

Split the cost in two - no brainer!

upahill · 08/02/2010 08:46

It seems a bit mad. TBH I buy mum a present and card and my brothers buy a a present and card each.

I wouldn't be splitting costs.

Besom · 08/02/2010 08:53

I split my dad's christmas present with my brother. So I should have asked him to pay 4/7ths and us 3/7ths? Ridiculous!

Not worth falling out about though, no.

catwalker · 08/02/2010 09:00

I agree it's not worth falling out over. But it's Mother's Day - your mother and her mother. It's not grandmother's day. Any gifts should be from you and your sis. Leave the rest of the family out of it - or get the kids to each make something (much nicer anyway than a bought gift)

lucky1979 · 08/02/2010 09:05

Flip it round on her - get your kids to make little things as gifts, painted stone paperweights or something nice but easy, then say that they have their own gifts now, but you will happily still split the costs and pay 1/3 while her and her DC pay 1/3 each.

Jux · 08/02/2010 09:27

She's not your kids' mum!!!!! Mother's Day is for mothers, granted, but they don't sprout extra children for one day!

She's your mum; she's your sister's mum. Otherwise, she's a grandmother and that's not a mum, unless she's bringing them up for you.

Your sister is bonkers.

SE13Mummy · 08/02/2010 09:39

Can't you just explain to her that you'd like the gift etc. to celebrate your mother's role as a mother (rather than as a mother-in-law, grandmother etc.) and that with that in mind you'd like to stick to the original idea of going halves

You could also say that your DH feels uncomfortable about your mother becoming his mother too!

There's a grandparents day later in the year (3rd October this year) so maybe suggest that the grandchildren celebrate her grandparentness(!) then?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 08/02/2010 12:13

when is mother's day?
OP YANBU.

ChippingIn · 08/02/2010 12:22

Barking she is, barking....

50/50 or she sorts out her own in future!

Mind you, this is coming from someone who always used to buy our parents anniversary card/present then have my little brother 'so in' with me - which, in reality, meant adding his name to the card!! He never actually bothered to shop/share the stress or offer any money!! LOL Still, eventually he went overseas and that was the end of that!

Vinomum · 08/02/2010 12:25

No YANBU. Sounds like a cunning ploy devised by your sister to pay less. Or am I being cynical?

Vinomum · 08/02/2010 12:26

Kreecher - it's the 14th March.

belgo · 08/02/2010 12:27

YANBU. Will your sister want any future inheritance to be split on the same basis? Probably not.

paisleyleaf · 08/02/2010 12:28

I agree with the general consensus that your mum's gifts are from her 2 daughters.
Not son-in-law and grandchildren.

SpeedyGonzalez · 08/02/2010 12:29

Quinty, I think you need to even things out by suggest that her family contributes to 2/6 of the cost of the cake you're baking.

Don't people know how to relate normally any more?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 08/02/2010 12:32

I would let her know that I think it is the most ridiculous idea ever but do it anyway. Next year buy your own pressie for her.

bosch · 08/02/2010 12:32

would it be easier to just buy separate gifts? You could agree on the present and the flowers with your sister and then offer to buy the more expensive one yourself.

However, if I were you, I'd do anything to protect your mum from knowing what your sis is up to...not exactly generous spirited of her...

AmazingBouncingFerret · 08/02/2010 12:34

Infact I think I would be petty and make a huge fuss about doing it, but then theres something in me that reverts back to acting like a child when disagreements with my sisters happen!

PfftTheMagicDragon · 08/02/2010 12:36

I would tell her that you should sort out your own gifts. It should be 50/50 if you are going in together, but I would just say you don't want to split it and get something alone.

PuppyMonkey · 08/02/2010 12:38

I'd tell your sis you've changed your mind about doing flowers (which are yawnsville imho) and you and your dds are making something for your mum instead. Then she can do her own thing too.

verytellytubby · 08/02/2010 12:39

Bonkers. Sorry to be blunt but she's a skinflint. I would get my own presents from now on. Sounds very unfair.

aSilverLining · 08/02/2010 12:42

Can you not just say to her, look it is Mother's Day, I think it is fairer to go 50/50 as the gifts are from me and you to mum.

Would she sulk or throw a tantrum or something? All I can think is you suspect she will react childishly if you are worried she will fall out with you over it?

For future presents/ wine buying do it individually.