Small and Petty Issue regards to mothers day flowers

[QuintessentialSnowStorm]

I think the issue is really small and not really worth making a point about.

I have one sister. I am married with 2 kids, she is a single mum of 1 child. We twice as many people in MY family as in HER family. Naturally.

So, for mothers day we were to buy a present and a bunch of flowers (I am also baking a cake). In my opinion it would be obvious that we split the cost in two, as it is from the daughters to the mum. She suggested throwing in the rest of the families, so the gifts were from us, AND our families. In her case also her daughter, and in my case, 3 more people. And then we split the cost accordingly. SHE pays 2/6 of the price, and I pay 4/6 of the price, as we are 4 people, and she just 2.

My mind boggles. I will of course go along with it, as I would feel embarrased to argue the point.

But, please humour the pedant in me. It is OUR mother, and mothers day, so really the cost should be split between the two of us, and who cares how many other grandkids are included on the card?

Is the cost to be split in 6 and she pays 2/6 for herself and her daughter, and I pay 4/6 for me and my family? Or do we split it in two?

50/50 all the way, might be petty but it's the principle...she's your mum, not your kids' mum. We don't do mother's day just cos my mum thinks it's all a con to spend more money (good old mum) (I milk it big style though )

Sounds like your sister knows that you are a soft touch and it's a good way to pay less for a gift and still get the full gratitude from your mum as I bet (unless it's spelt out and your sis is counting on you not being overtly petty) she will assume it is 50:50 too.

But - why should your views on this be any less valid than hers?

Like so many others have said - take your children and dh out of the equation, let them do their own thing and split it 50:50 with your sis or say what you have said here - that it is obvious to you that it is a mother/daughters thing and if she is not happy with that then you are more happy to do it separately.

Has your mum asked for something in particular - is that why the present is joint? If so, can you give your mum the cake and vouchers to make up half the present or is there something that is half the cost that you would be happy to give her?

And then if she talks to your mum about it, you can just say that you can't understand why she wanted to split the present from the two daughters 1/3 : 2/3.

If she had said she only wanted to spend xx but you were happy to put in yy to the present then it would be different. If you have agreed to buy a particular present and split the cost then it should be 50:50. If the present is already bought, could you suggest that you will give it to your mother just from you but half for mother's day and half for birthday/xmas so that you still just pay for half (for this gift giving session) and see what her reaction is - I am betting it is all a big ruse to get out of paying as much.

When my sister and I buy joint presents for my mum at xmas etc we always split them 50:50, despite different family sizes. Would never occur to us not to. Invariably both sisters will also pick up a couple of little bits and bobs too, depending on where they are given and who is around they might be said as from everyone or just from who bought them, but it is never a big issue.

And if mum was giving us a family present or a present to each daughter then it would be the same size regardless of family size. However, if she was giving a present to each grandchild then she would give each child the same sized present iyswim - so if she was giving them cash, she would give each of them £10 for example, not give my 2 £15 but give £10 to my sister's 3 kids. Think that is a long winded way of saying I'm sure your mum will be thinking that it is from you two sisters sharing it half and half.

hope your sister sees sense!

Actually what SE13 says:
".......that your DH feels uncomfortable about your mother becoming his mother too!"
is good.

You could also say that what with having 2 lots of mother's day stuff to get (your MIL), you've decided, with your DH, that your mum is your mum and his mum is his mum.

Agree she's odd and a skinflint. I'm just confused as to why you're sharing the gifts and card?? I have 2 siblings and would never do this?

Buy the bunch of flowers and give her her 1/3 and you keep the other 2/3 to give

Ok I know you cant do this but would love to see her face

Mad cow. I'd go for separate gifts in future.

I have just been on the phone with her. She has just told me that this is her last week on disability benefit. Her benefit will stop as of 15th february. She has to reapply every year, and put her application in 7 months ago. She has had no reply, they have confirmed it is still to be dealt with, and meanwhile, she is losing her benefit.

Fuckers.

I'm sorry but she wasn't worrying about this when she was being tight with the wine was she? I'm sure she has money worries who doesn't?

I dont know. She handed her application in 7 months ago, they have a legal obligation to turn applications around within 4 months apparently. She could have been, but I am not sure. I feel sorry for her now, though. She has really bad arthritis and scoliosis, and she has tried going back to work, with little success.

Tell her your DH has a mum of his own to buy stuff for! It's a bit rude to him, surely, to expect him to treat your mum (lovely as I'm sure she is), as if she were his own?

Is it all so expensive that she can´t just pay half?

If so maybe let it go this year & do your own thing from next year I would say.

And absolutely she is your mother.