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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think our "friend" is taking advantage...

39 replies

mad4mainecoons · 07/02/2010 20:53

bit of a long story, sorry;

when first married dh and i lived in a static caravan on land owned by my DH while his mum lived in the big farmhouse. so i got pregnant and MIL (very kindly) gave us the house and bought herself a smaller house.

so our static caravan was empty, and our friend was looking for somewhere to live and we agreed he could rent our caravan £50 weekly all inc. as all the water and electric ect. run from the main house.the hot water and heating run from gas bottles which he was to supply himself. he paid us cash weekly and all was well for the first 18 months or so. but he started to then pay us monthly, and then every other month and it has got to the point now where he last paid us anything in november 09' and he is so far behind on the rent he now owes us over £1000!.

in addition he has decided that the gas was working out too expensive so just bought electric heaters which he leaves on 24/7 thus sending our electricity bill soaring.

him and his girlfriend are close friends of ours so it is really awkward. we would not rent it to anyone else due to the position of the caravan on our land so its not like we can get a new tenant.

i want to think he is genuinely forgetting and not realising how much he owes - despite me making comments on the odd occation but now i think he is taking the piss.

it is a very informal and freindly arrangement but as we still have to pay electric and water for him i think we really should be getting some rent.

WWYD?. thanks for reading.x

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 07/02/2010 20:57

he isn't forgetting - he is comfortable with you footing his bills

you tell him to pay up or give notice as you cannot afford to subsidise him

it isn't friendly if he is taking the piss like this

I wouldn't hesitate to fall out with a friend over behaviour like this TBH

parakeet · 07/02/2010 21:07

There are two issues: him not paying you the rent you agreed, and the change-over to electric heaters, which now makes the original rental price uneconomical for you.

Would you be happy to have him stay if the rent was increased and if he paid you all the money he owes you? Work out what you think the increase should be, and tell him. While you're at it you can ask him to pay the money he owes you and in future ask him to pay you one month in advance - like all tennants do.

Say if he's not happy with that arrangement, he needs to leave. What's the dilemma?

GetDownYouWillFall · 07/02/2010 21:10

He does sound like he is using your friendship to take advantage.
If you can bear it, a stern word is in order.
You need to at least get him to start contributing to the electricity bill.

MrsSawdust · 07/02/2010 21:11

He is taking advantage. Tell him the electric bill is sky high due to his heaters and you can't afford to pay it until he has paid his rent.

CarGirl · 07/02/2010 21:14

Unplug the electricity supply and tell them you now have a bill £1500 higher than normal and you can't afford it

Lulumama · 07/02/2010 21:15

agree with rubyslippers

who does he think is footing the bills? the tooth fairy?

things like this , if they are going to be for more than a few weeks, should be done legally and formally, and then you have rights, your tenants have rights, and they can't forget to pay !!!

how outrageous.. !!

he knows he owes money, as he has paid it before but stopped. he is choosing to do this .

time for a serious talk

no point having tenants in, if yuo are out of pocket

PotPourri · 07/02/2010 21:21

YANBU. He is definately taking advantage - cheeky git.

work out how much it would take to make you happy, in terms of rent/electric payments etc then tell him that it is working out too expensive for you so you need to increase your charges to £x per month, but need paid weekly. Point out how much he owes you since November. And if he doesn't want to go with the new arrangement, ask him to leave

He is no friend of yours if he takes the mick like this - remember this. I know it will be awkward - but it is not a friendship worth holding onto if he is not willing to pay his way and hold onto the friendship from his end.

By the way, if it is past it already and you jsut want them gone, tell him how much he owes and once you get the money (or set yourself a timeline and if you don't or he says he won't pay) then tell him to leave, it's not working out.

LynetteScavo · 07/02/2010 21:23

He hasn't forgotton, he jsut thinks he can get away with it.

He's costing you money, which really isn't fair on you, and you need to speak to him about it. Be brave - tell him you really need him to pay to cover the electricity bill.

ConnorTraceptive · 07/02/2010 21:24

Agree with Rubyslippers - this guy isn't forgetting and he's no friend so I'd just get rid

StephysFamous · 07/02/2010 21:25

He's not taking advantage here, he's taking the complete piss.
Instead of making slight comments I think you should go and knock on his door and tell him exactly how much he owes and give him a time limit.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 07/02/2010 21:28

Outrageous. He is just taking the piss. Tell him that you are going to have to put the rent up to cover the bills, while reminding him he owes over a grand and if he doesn't like it he can piss off. You say he is a close friend, but that's not how you treat your friends.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 07/02/2010 21:38

You're very kind but don't spend your money funding other people's life choices. If you do, give to a worthy cause instead. Don't be a sucker and he's not genuinely forgetting!

Cut off the supply to his caravan now and when he complains, tell him he owes you money and that's that until he's paid up.

Always tricky, that friends - money combo. Best avoided really because someone always ends up taking the piss.

heQet · 07/02/2010 21:40

Oh come on, he doesn't think it's FREE! He is taking advantage of you.

Pull the plug.

He only does this because YOU let him. Stop letting him walk all over you. He must be laughing at you.

Earlybird · 07/02/2010 21:45

Do the friend and his girlfriend work? Do they earn money?

Could you suggest setting up a standing order for the rent?

Tell him that you've tried to be patient/understanding, but that another solution must be found as the lack of payment has the potential to create a problem in your friendship.

What does your dh think?

Earlybird · 07/02/2010 21:47

How does he respond when you 'make the odd comment'?

puddinghead · 07/02/2010 21:49

Forgotten? He's taking you for a ride and having a good laugh along the way at YOUR expense. A good friend does that? Nip this in the bud right now or before you know it another 6 months will have flown by and he'll owe you err how much?!

Unplug his electricity and issue him with an ultimatum.

AnyFucker · 07/02/2010 21:50

ok, cut off the leccy

give him an invoice

your friendship is over until he pays you what he owes you

if he does that, you will allow him to continue to live there, but only if regular payments start again

if he is in no position to pay up...get him out and get someone in who can

he is no friend to you

heQet · 07/02/2010 21:53

Oh, and can I make a prediction?

If you strap on a pair and tell him, I bet he'll get angry / upset with you and claim that your demand for money has ruined things and that you are unreasonable.

Do not be worried by this. He will be shocked and upset that the gravy train has now pulled into the final station and it is time to disembark.

sunnydelight · 07/02/2010 21:58

Sell the caravan, end of. There is no point trying to get money out of him, you won't and it will just cause massive resentment. I totally agree with heQet - in his eyes it will all be your fault.

AnyFucker · 07/02/2010 22:00

noooooooo

don't sell the van

they are fab

just bin him

Heated · 07/02/2010 22:01

You are paying for them to live there!

Tell him how much he owes in back rent and electricity. Issue him a tenancy agreement with rent to be paid in advance. If they can't pay, tell them to leave. No heating or electricity, especially with it turning colder next week, should send it's own message.

Original poster
mad4mainecoons · 07/02/2010 22:02

thanks so much ladies!

i know you are all so right and reading your replies has shown me that as you said HeQuest - i need to "strap on a pair" and get this sorted.

i did send DH down to speak to him tonight but he was out .

i know now this should never have been allowed to happen and its partly our fault ( for being so soft) that it has got this far.

its all such a mess and i really dont want to fall out with friends over money but like you say - WE are paying his bills at the moment and it cannot continue!

must be strong tomorrow.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/02/2010 22:05

yes, you have allowed this to happen

but don't let it continue, that is all

good luck x

and you sound lovely, btw

PotPourri · 07/02/2010 22:06

Stay strong. It is NOT your fault (for being too soft or anything else). It is his fault for being a twassock! But now you need it sorted - now/tomorrow, not next week or next year.

Heated · 07/02/2010 22:09

Yes, it would be very sad if you had to cut off supply asap as no way can you let the unpaid bill go any higher.

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