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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset by this?

53 replies

ThisHasMadeMeSad · 07/02/2010 19:23

Regular but have namechanged for this.

A friend has put on facebook that her DD who isn't quite 2yrs hasn't been sleeping recently and keeps getting up so she has resorted locking her in her bedroom. She also mentions that she has used medised on her too (I think on a separate occasion)

She has commented that her DD has been distressed by this but that she needs a break.

She is a good mum but has got (I feel) some really outdated ideas of what is appropriate usually nothing that bothers me particularly as we all have different ways of parenting our kids and I'm sure she doesn't agree with my more attachment style parenting but this has really worried me.

I know some MN'ers will say that I should mind my own business and even if I did say something she would take it badly I'm sure but I just feel so sad for the poor mite

WWYD?

OP posts:
gingernutlover · 07/02/2010 19:26

I think she was very stupid to put this on her facebook and things can sound so much worse than what they are.

Maybe as well as feeling sad for her daughter, you should feel sad that she herself feels pushed to lock her own daughter in her room to get her to sleep - maybe she needs some support?

Original poster
ThisHasMadeMeSad · 07/02/2010 19:29

She has lots of support from her husband and extended family so really don't think that this is the issue.

OP posts:
LadyGooGoo · 07/02/2010 19:29

Could you say "Poor you, you must feel exhausted with the lack of sleep, can I take her for a walk/play etc for an hour or two, to give you a break - because locking DD in her room isn't a solution"

Then you've supported her whilst making it clear that you don't think locking her up is appropriate!!

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 07/02/2010 19:29

I'd say she needs support, and was very foolish to post that sort of thing on facebook. I'd say that locking a child in a room is not a great thing to admit to.

LadyGooGoo · 07/02/2010 19:31

OK - so support not an issue, how about a stair gate on the bedroom door? Then at least poor child can be heard with door open but can't roam?

Lulumama · 07/02/2010 19:32

I would have to say something, medicating a 2 year old and locking them in their room is not appropriate parenting

if she is struggling, then offer her help/solutions that don't involved trying to sdedate her toddler!!

maybe she is crying out for help, or maybe she is ajust a mean mummy, but i would not let it pass,but i am a big mouth biusy body when it comes to stuff like this

Coldhands · 07/02/2010 19:32

YANBU for feeling sad about this. The things people put on their FB sometimes amazes me. I wouldn't be comfortable knowing that a child was being locked in their room. But I wouldn't say anything as it is none of my business. ALso the medised? Was the child actually ill when she used it? If not then I would be a bit concerned but again I don't feel it is my place to comment on other parenting unless the child was at risk. Obviously the mum is feeling really down. Does she have a partner to share the load? Or family that she can ask for help?

gingernutlover · 07/02/2010 19:33

what lady goo goo says is perfect!

also i have to say, is she locking the door to stop the 2 year old getting up contsantly, then unlocking it when she is in bed. If so, is that any worse than leaving a baby to cry themselves to sleep in their cot (which is comething I am sure many many others have done)

if she is locking the door and leaving it locked, the safety issues would really worry me, if she is simply stopping the child from constantly getting up and down then it is more understandable (although not something i would personally want to do)

LadyGooGoo · 07/02/2010 19:33

With medised, if a one off, don't judge.

If she's doing it on regular basis - should try to mention child building up tolerance to it (like us with alcohol?) so won't work soon anyway. She needs to get to route cause of sleeplessness really.

Coldhands · 07/02/2010 19:34

Ok, I see that you said you has plenty of support. Has she ever suffered with PND? Not trying to make excuses at all as medicating and locking a child in are not really something that I agree with, but why hasn't her husband said something about this?!

LadyGooGoo · 07/02/2010 19:35
GetDownYouWillFall · 07/02/2010 19:36

Drugging a child so you can get some sleep is never acceptable in my book.
I think you should say something, tho I can't think what because whatever you say it's not going to go down well.
Tricky one.

Original poster
ThisHasMadeMeSad · 07/02/2010 19:40

I'm not sure when/why she used Medised but get the impression it was to make her sleep rather than because she was ill.

Her husband seems to be in agreement with the door locking. Not sure if it is unlocked once she is asleep.

OP posts:
GetDownYouWillFall · 07/02/2010 19:43

locked doors with people inside are a nightmare - can you imagine if there were a fire?
The suggestion of a stair gate over the entrance to the room is surely the best idea.

Original poster
ThisHasMadeMeSad · 07/02/2010 19:43

I don't think I can say anything she isn't a close friend (we are in the same circle of mummy friends) and she is strong minded. It would just be seen as me 'butting' in and would def cause problems in the group.

She is a good mum in other respects I think that this is just poor judgeement on her part A) to do it and B) to post about it on FB.

Worryingly those who have replied have agreed with her

OP posts:
GetDownYouWillFall · 07/02/2010 19:46

well, if you don't feel able to say something yourself, hopefully someone else on Facebook will have seen it too, and may be in a better position to say something.

thesecondcoming · 07/02/2010 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GetDownYouWillFall · 07/02/2010 19:48

I don't think you should be attacking the OP here - she is rightly voicing her concern and just asking for a bit of advice. Hardly being judgemental.

Original poster
ThisHasMadeMeSad · 07/02/2010 19:54

It's def not a joke.

The status's refer to her being fed up with her not sleeping and then comments have been made by others which she has responded too and elaborated on what she has done.

We do have different parenting styles as I say and I don't have a prob with that at all - we all do what is right for us. This just made me feel very

She is a good mum and I don't for a second think she is doing it to be 'mean' but she really thinks it is acceptable which is what I find upsetting.

OP posts:
thesecondcoming · 07/02/2010 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

woodyandbuzz · 07/02/2010 19:54

OP - do you think the mum could have bene joking?

LadyGooGoo · 07/02/2010 19:56

Not agreeing!

You said WWYD. Offering practical advice she might take.

I Don't think telling her she is a cruel parent a SS should be called forthwith the most helpful thing to post.

Although maybe that's what you want to hear?

GetDownYouWillFall · 07/02/2010 19:57

hi thesecondcoming - yes I see what you mean, sometimes people are never going to agree, you are right there. I think the OP has already stated that they are not really close buddies, but surely there are some things that are straight right and wrong, not just a matter of different parenting styles?

Original poster
ThisHasMadeMeSad · 07/02/2010 20:01

LadyGooGoo is that last comment for me?

I wouldn't dream of telling her she is a cruel mum or reporting her to SS!!! because I don't think she is. But that doesn't mean that I am comfortable with her locking her toddler in her room.

Unfortunately I think offering practical advice isn't an option either (as it will def not be welcomed and plus my advice would fly in the face of what she does/would do!] and probably the best course of action is to 'mind my own business'

OP posts:
MollieO · 07/02/2010 20:04

If it were a friend of mine I'd be pointing out that you aren't supposed to use Medised on under 6s. I'd also suggest getting stairgate. I would also seriously consider deleting her from my facebook account.