For going against DP's controlling ways?

[TakeAChair]

Ever since me and DP got together he has made it clear that he is in charge. Even though he denies this, he makes it obvious in other ways.

It especially becomes apparant with the kids.

If they ask if they can have something, no matter what I say ... the end result has to come from him.

Like at christmas, my kids are used to having a stocking at the end of their bed. He refused to allow this as it wasn't the way he does things. (first christmas together).

My kids are used to being allowed to open their birthday presents on my bed in a morning. He won't allow this anymore.

Yesterday the kids asked "what's for afters" after their tea. I was just about to speak when DP shouted "yogurt".

The kids then scurried off to get yogurt.

What he says, goes. If I was to say something else, the kids would look to him as if to say "Is that ok?"

I'm sick of it.

Tonight, the kids asked "what's for afters?"

DP immediately said "fruit".

I added "or, you can have a packet of crisps."

Anyway he immediately rubbished my suggestion saying "no way, they're not having crisps" etc and the kids scurried off to get fruit. I got annoyed and went to the kitchen and said "you can have crisps if you want, it's the weekend after all" (bare in mind they've had no crisps or sweets at all today and they have a very healthy diet otherwise).

Anyway he went absolutely nuts. Started shouting and screaming at me. Ffing and blinding, calling me childish etc, he got really realy angry.

I tried to explain that I have as much say in the house as he does and he just got even angrier.

So, was I in the wrong here?

x-posts just saw your answer about leaving. hope all goes well for you and the children

It's never going to be an equal relationship because as far as he is concerned women are worse than the shit on his shoe.

He behaves like this because he thinks he has the right to, by way of having a willy.

Get rid of him because before long it won't just be arguing, it will be pushing, shoving, hitting and slapping and it will all be your fault because he said it is.

Ring women's aid if you need some extra support, they'll listen to you and offer advice if you need it.

What on earth is his reasoning for changing the birthday/christmas traditions? Just because he didn't do it that way?

He sounds like a total bastard tbh.

Sorry but he would be gone!, you have been in a relationship for over just one year, and yet he has moved in with you and your children, and hes been controlling and undermining your role as your children's mother!

He would be gone in a flash! Im afraid to say.

. he`s evil - get rid.

Get rid of him, he will start on your children soon. I talk form experience I had to put up with my Stepfather for ten long years!

Ahem OP you might want to read this.

oh, BoF and LITR

...you are norty

I heart reality .

how did he ever get away with this.controlling you and queezing the fun out of your children christmas?

FAC,you need to reflect

why this happened
what was it about him that you acquiesced to his demands
how can you avoid meeting such a man again
how to avoid such repetitions

But I bet there would be great things in the box room, like guinea pigs and stuff...

Please get out. How awful. Your poor children. Poor you. It isn't meant to be like this. My dh isn't like that at all.

You're asking if you're being unreasonable...??

Seriously??

faints

I actually do not understand what the problem is. Why is he not gone?

I was just about to say boxroom....

He reminds me of my abusive ex.

You can have a better life than this - your children deserve a better life than this - tell him to go, or change the locks one day if thats too risky.

Just seen your comment about living in a prison - thats how I felt with my ex as well.

Get rid, and be happy!

pragmatically how entwined are you and him?
whi owns the home
can you pay house etc without him?
is it joint accounts or individual?
will he hand over keys and go quietly, if not who can support you
is house in your sole name

you need a plan,and some support.after he goes change locks

He is bullying you and your youngsters. You have a duty to protect your children and they sound scared of him.

I, too, have been there, done that - and you need to get away from this abusive behaviour as soon as you can.

Get rid, change the locks and enjoy life.

No, I don't think boxroom.

But I do think the OP is asking permission to chuck him out.

So

CHUCK HIM OUT!

For your children if not for yourself. If you love them, you will not want to teach them this is an acceptable way for men to treat women. You will fuck them up if you don't leave now

Ah boxroom.......again!!

kick him to the curb.
get shut.
Had this experience also..there will be no changing and no happy ending.
Ask for the keys and say bye bye

Au revoir cocklodger is the only course of action here

Def Boxroom!

Get rid of him, change the locks, and then I would suggest counselling to work out why you thought that such a grade-A arsehole would make a good partner and stepfather. You really shouldn't get into another relationship until you've worked out why you are with someone no other reasonable woman would put up with. It's not fair on your children.

Good luck.

TAC,you need to understand your own triggers and responses -why you backed him up to keep the peace "but the truth is, I back him up on EVERYTHING, even stuff I don't agree with just to keep the peace sad"

to avoid repetition of same pattern.avoid choosing same man again

Also consider some workshops or support about your self esteem issues.

have a debrief with your children.explain mummy loves then very much.that he was a bad man and no man will ever be allowed to do that again. and really mean it