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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bit of AIBU/WWYD regarding clothes as presents, not liked.

44 replies

Coldhands · 06/02/2010 11:49

My sister bought my DS a couple of tops for his birthday.

Her taste in clothes is nothing like mine and I know its not something I will put him in, which to me seems a waste. They still have the tags on but I can't get away with "the size is wrong" as they are the right size. There has been a bit of tension between us and her mum (we are half sisters) regarding presents recently, although it has been resolved now.

I recognise that she has done a nice thing and bought my DS something, but this is not the only time she has bought clothes that I don't really like.

I have never told her that I am not keen on her taste but would anyone else change them or just keep them and put them on a couple of times to say he has worn them? I don't see much of my sister so its not like she would have the chance to see him in the tops.

WWYD? And AIBU for wanting to change them? I'm not sure of the 'rules' regarding if it is ok to chance something you don't like.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 06/02/2010 11:50

I would just gush thankfully and then go and change them

Original poster
Coldhands · 06/02/2010 11:50

That last line should be "change something". I really should read things before I post.

OP posts:
Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 06/02/2010 11:51

How often do you see her and will she want to see him in the clothes?

cantmummyhaveabreak · 06/02/2010 11:52

My mum buys my DC's clothes i dont like, i just put them in the bottom of the drawers as 'spares' and if they dont get used then when it comes to them outgrowing and her saying 'i haven't seen X,Y Z on them' i'll come out with 'oh i'd forgotten all about it, found it in the drawers when i was sorting it out'... would never take something back though, would have the guts/heart... at least with keeping them there is the slight chance they might get worn sometime...

cory · 06/02/2010 11:52

How old is your ds? How important is it to you that he is only seen wearing anything that you like? Is there anything intrinsically offensive about these tops, or do you just not like the style?

Personally, I let my dcs wear anything that was not absolutely offensive and congratulated myself on having saved money off the clothes budget.

Original poster
Coldhands · 06/02/2010 11:58

Lifeinagold I see her a couple of times a year (although she does live down the road). I don't think she would say, "oh why isn't * wearing that top" She never mentioned the last one.

cantmummy That maybe an idea, I could use them for messy play seeing as I have just bought DS some paints.

cory My DS is 2, he doesn't care, although he would live in his Thomas top if it didn't need to go in the wash. Its the colours and patterns I really don't like, it is just the complete opposite of anything I would ever get. Even my DH made a face and he doesn't give a damn about clothes. You have a point about saving money, but I know he won't wear them in public, I just like to put DS in nice clothes (although having some difficulty finding some that aren't stupidly expensive at the moment, anyone else having this with boys clothes)?

OP posts:
SE13Mummy · 06/02/2010 12:00

I think it depends on your son's age and whether or not he has an opinion on the tops. If he likes them then let him wear them but if he's no old enough to express an opinion then maybe changing them would be better.

I'm not fussy about clothes (you should see the outfit 5-year-old DD has dressed herself in today!) but my SIL did give DD an outfit for her 4th birthday that was truly hideous; a purple moleskin trousers and shirt/jackety thing set with pearl buttons. DD had no idea what it was and so never chose to dress herself in it. I donated it to a charity shop (which is where it had originally come from - we often give 'previously loved' items as pressies) after it hung in her wardrobe unworn.

SolidGoldBrass · 06/02/2010 12:02

If you;re fussy about what your kids wear, it;s actually a good thing to have a few outfits that someone else bought and that you don't like - because then the kids have something they can wear to do messy things without a parent flapping and shrieking about them messing up their clothes.

castille · 06/02/2010 12:04

DS's godparents are both like this - they have often bought clothes I would never choose to put him in. I keep them for spares until outgrown, then I give them to charity as usually in mint condition.

If they want to buy clothes I say he needs pyjamas now. Otherwise I always suggest books

Original poster
Coldhands · 06/02/2010 12:13

SGB Yeah that is exactly what I am thinking now, there is no way I would let DS paint in most of his clothes so these tops are probably ideal and I won't be shreiking over his shoulder watching carefully about the mess.

castille Thats a good idea about the pyjamas, I actually need new pyjamas and was going to change them for that, but now I'm thinking messy clothes instead. Definately not books though, we have enough to start a library due to my (and DS's) love of books and there are just too many good ones out there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coldhands · 06/02/2010 12:14

Why does my striking out never work!!

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 06/02/2010 12:22

my ds gets clothes that are not my taste but then i think its good as he may not like my taste in clothes anyway

i will put them on him handful of times and then i pass onto someone else or charity shop get a pic with said clothes on send as a thank you and then i dont feels o guilty as he has worn them and now moved onto someone else

KnickKnack · 06/02/2010 12:27

you need to "--" every individual word

like this (withouth those spaces!)

not like this

KnickKnack · 06/02/2010 12:28

forgot to add, I would change the clothes as you only see her twice a year so she'll not know either way.

bubblagirl · 06/02/2010 12:35

take a pic with him wearing item send with a thank you card and move it on

psychomum5 · 06/02/2010 12:42

use them for messy play, fabulous plan

inthesticks · 06/02/2010 15:57

I find it strange that someone would buy clothes as a birthday present? Sort of like I'd feel if DH bought me a new iron as a present?

However it's not worth causing offence over this. Grin and bear it.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 06/02/2010 16:05

We have someone who is very lovely and generous but with hideous taste a very different taste in clothes to our own, and obv loves choosing clothes for children as gifts. Recently she gave us a stack of stiff, horrid things for DS (2.5), fake leather and static-filled polyester being the main components.

I can never bring myself to use them, so they sit around a bit, then go to charity. I wish I could tell her though; she isn't well off, and I hate that she spends her money on things we don't use. But she is a friend of DP's family and I am not close enough to do this, however gently!

bubblagirl · 06/02/2010 16:50

i have said to a few people in past thank you so much for the jumper etc you got bubblaboy for his birthday he got so many clothes would it be possible next time to have voucher maybe so we could use it when needing new things otherwise we find its not getting worn and it seems a shame to waste money

i buy clothes for birthday presents if i know child rally wants said top or dress i ask if its ok that i get it as children do get so many toys

amidaiwish · 06/02/2010 16:56

it depends what it is.
if it was something expensive and easy to change (eg from Gap) then i would change them, better than to waste them.

however if it was just a couple of supermarket t-shirts, then i would keep them and just use them for nursery/messy play.

i often give my nephews/nieces clothes as presents, but always include a gift receipt. i think it's nice, esp something decent from Gap/Boden etc. I "think" they are well received but wouldn't be insulted in the slightest if they were exchanged, far rather that than wasted.

also i wouldn't think twice about saying "oh it didn't really fit right so i exchanged it" if someone specifically asked me.

CarGirl · 06/02/2010 17:01

exchange them and explain that he had far too many tops but was desperate for pjs or something. Using brand new clothing for painting tops seems a huge waste, that's what you use and old adult t-shirt for!

mumeeee · 06/02/2010 17:04

I would let him wear them. Just put them om him for playing ariound the house. In future I wiould tell your sister the sort og f clothes you like.

stressheaderic · 06/02/2010 17:42

I'm curious about your sister's taste... go on, tell us more.
I don't like slogan t-shirts, elastic hairbands, denim, things that mimic adult styles too young, baby sportswear and the colour red... was it anything that might offend me?

luciemule · 06/02/2010 17:56

You could take a picture of your DS wearing one of the tops and stick it onto a thank you card (which I reckon your sis will like) and then do what you want with them.
Then just before his next b'day, you could offer some pressie suggestions to your sis - as in - "DS likes art stuff/books/Ben 10 etc if you need some pressie suggestions". She might then get the hint not to buy clothing.

Conundrumish · 06/02/2010 18:03

I was going to say what Lucie has said - tuck the tags in and take a photo - then take them in for a refund.