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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bit of AIBU/WWYD regarding clothes as presents, not liked.

44 replies

Coldhands · 06/02/2010 11:49

My sister bought my DS a couple of tops for his birthday.

Her taste in clothes is nothing like mine and I know its not something I will put him in, which to me seems a waste. They still have the tags on but I can't get away with "the size is wrong" as they are the right size. There has been a bit of tension between us and her mum (we are half sisters) regarding presents recently, although it has been resolved now.

I recognise that she has done a nice thing and bought my DS something, but this is not the only time she has bought clothes that I don't really like.

I have never told her that I am not keen on her taste but would anyone else change them or just keep them and put them on a couple of times to say he has worn them? I don't see much of my sister so its not like she would have the chance to see him in the tops.

WWYD? And AIBU for wanting to change them? I'm not sure of the 'rules' regarding if it is ok to chance something you don't like.

OP posts:

DorotheaPlenticlew · 06/02/2010 19:17

The thing is, I don't know about you OP, but I find if the clothes are a bit obscure, it's not always possible to figure out where they came from. The lady I referred to in my earlier post, well, I wouldn't have the foggiest where to exchange the things she brings us ... they are clearly brand-new and still smell like a shop (so not charity) but the labels aren't related to any chain I am aware of. Possibly she gets them somewhere that requires a car to get to, I don't know (don't drive).

As for trying to influence future purchases with remarks about what sort of things would go down well ... I dunno, I think that is only OK in certain circumstances where you know the person won't think it is cheeky, or (worse) feel hurt that you obviously didn't like the earlier gifts.

Original poster

Coldhands · 06/02/2010 19:23

stresshead your taste sounds similar to mine. I hate slogans, baby sports wear etc. One t shirt is black with a huge red motorbike on it, the other is red (I'm not really a fan of this for t shirts but it does depend on what it is) with a huge black motor bike on it. They are quite hideous. The last one she bought was a horrible bright turquoise (I love a nice turquoise) with dark grey sleeves and a massive grey and yellow gorilla on it. DS never wore it, it went to a nearly new sale (and was sold).

Luckily they are not expensive, supermarket brand so I don't really have a problem using them for around the house.

Unfortunately because of past present problems (far too long and trivial to go into) my commenting about changing them or not liking them will not be well receieved.

I may well have to slip in a hint next time about vouchers etc. The trouble is, my sister thinks she is very trendy and knows everything about fashion (she is young) but I think otherwise and don't like her style at all. I really really dread to think what she would dress a child like!

OP posts:

lovechoc · 06/02/2010 19:25

I don't understand your way of thinking OP. It's not you that's wearing the clothing, it's your child.

DS gets clothing that I personally don't like much from relatives, but I always put him in them because they were gifts and also because they fit him and are practical - he's getting use out of them.

If it really is bothering you that much be upfront and say something.

Original poster

Coldhands · 06/02/2010 19:26

Dorothea It is obvious where these are from, but they aren't expensive so its probably not worth the hassle. I just hate to think of them being 'wasted' really.

I'm not sure if I can hint in future really. As I said above, my sister thinks she is trendy and as there are lots of hideous tops around for boys at the moment, she thinks that these are the things to be wearing, whereas I steer well clear. DH moans at me but there are certain clothes that I really don't like.

OP posts:

woodyandbuzz · 06/02/2010 19:27

Take a photo of your DS wearing each of the tops (with tags on). Then return them and get the money. If she asks, you have photos to show he wore then and you can say you shrunk/dyed them in the wash accidentally/he painted on them/ripped etc.

Original poster

Coldhands · 06/02/2010 19:30

lovechoc As my DS is only 2, what he wears reflects on what I have chosen for him. I just don't like him to go out wearing something that I think is hideous. If it was just not that nice, I wouldn't bother so much, he has a couple of other bits that I wouldn't have chosen but they are not that bad and I do put him in them. It is just that these tops are very very ugly.

For example, my other sister bought him some jeans for xmas. I don't mind jeans but these are skinny jeans and I am not keen, but they are not awful so he wears them sometimes.

OP posts:

Imisssleeping · 06/02/2010 19:33

Just change them for something you like and they would wear.
Wouldn't even think twice about it
No brainer

zapostrophe · 06/02/2010 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DorotheaPlenticlew · 06/02/2010 19:47

zapostrophe, what if it is a plasticky "leather" flight jacket with fake sheepskin lining that is so stiff DS can hardly move his arms?

lovechoc · 06/02/2010 20:05

zapostrophe you seem to have similar views to myself. I appreciate all that DS is given and don't really make a fuss about it. I also view it as a huge relief that it's not another toy to clutter the house, has enough already! clothing always welcomed because it's practical and gets used.

ellokitty · 06/02/2010 20:08

Woody - That's a fab idea. I'd send the photo to the respective person, then take it back. Thank you. I'll be nicking that idea

PurpleCrazyHorse · 06/02/2010 20:18

We change DDs clothes all the time as my mum's taste is horrific. I usually say that we had lots of items in that size so swapped them for bigger things! I sometimes try to swap them for the same type of item though as it makes me feel less guilty.

I don't feel too bad though as my mum gets loads of enjoyment out of buying the gift rather than seeing DD in it MIL is worse as she buys from car boot sales so they just go straight in the next charity bag

zipzap · 06/02/2010 22:26

And remember, just because things are nominally the right size, doesn't mean they will actually fit... Some clothes come up particularly big or small, some children have particularly long arms or legs or are skinny or chubby and so the wrong shape for clothes. Ds1 has big head so I have several lovely tshirts that he was given I didn't bother to change (despite being given gift receipt) and then when it came around to being time to wear them, he couldn't get them over his head so they stayed unworn.

And sometimes kids have problems with different fabrics - ds1 itches in wool (mil seemed determined to ignore this fact and kept knitting horrendous jumpers for him, luckily she can't really knit any more so there haven't been any this year, especially now ds is old enough to have - and voice - quite strong opinions about what he likes or not). Some kids have to have just cotton or can't do polyester or fleece or whatever. Not something that other people are likely to know and easy to be really apologetic and grateful for things but still be able to return them. Especially if you say that you loved them and didn't think that giver would want them wasting in a drawer but would prefer to have something that would be worn.

Maybe for things like the fake sheepskin jacket saying how lovely but unfortunately you've had problems with other similar things would be a polite way of getting things changed?

TottWriter · 06/02/2010 22:44

I've had similar issues, but fortunately my Nan tends to forget what it was she bought unless she sees DS in them! She's better now, but I can remember awful moments as a child (and equally awful moments much more recently) when I (and my sister) have been presented with something truly hideous (a luminous pink knitted jumper when I was ten, for example...)
and had to smile then wedge it in the back of my wardrobe.

With my Nan, I tend to make the effort to go shopping with her now and then, and point out the things I like, both subtly and not so subtly (well, she doesn't take a hint very well, so I had to step up a gear). It's worked, and there have only been one or two occasions when she's bought something for my Ds which I didn't like. My mum on the other hand, seems to be getting worse.

It seems you've found a use for the clothes this time, but could you not try and work in a shopping trip with your sister and be sort of.. idly picking up clothes you like and saying 'oh, I like this one', or 'that's quite nice'? Or would she twig? it's certainl tricky, but if you think you'll cause offence, maybe it's better to grin and bear it. It doesn't sound like she's spending a lot of money. If it was pricier stuff I might confront her, but the ubiquitous awful slogan tops (I'm very 'snobby' about those myself - who designs these things?) don't cost a lot, so it's not that much of a waste. Well, other than in the sense that the people selling them think people like them. I'm sure most of them are sold as gifts.

SecretSlattern · 06/02/2010 22:57

I think its a bit off to consider using them for messy play though. Fair enough if you don't like them, but to me, it seems a bit mean to intentionally allow them to be ruined, when they could be donated to a charity shop for someone who would actually get a decent use out of them.

MIL tends to buy the odd thing that I think are awful, so you are not alone on that one, but I tend to shove them in the bottom of the drawer and conveniently forget about them before handing them on to friends/donating elsewhere.

Personally, I couldn't just allow them to get trashed through messy play as they were a gift (albeit an awful looking one!)

TabithaTwitchet · 06/02/2010 23:12

This has happened to me a few times, have been given clothes I really dislike.

I tend to just use them as my "emergency change of clothes" which lives in the bottom of the changing bag.

DD has been sick twice when we have been out, and then I have been truly glad of them, but most of the time they stay in the depths of the changing bag and I don't have to look at them

TottWriter · 06/02/2010 23:15

SecretSlattern - but the OP will be getting a decent use out of them! Paint and crayons etc. more or less wash out of clothes, so they won't be 'ruined', and it means that the OP doesn't have to panic about 'trashing' other clothes which she would want to take her DS out and about in. Just because they're for messy or scruffy wear doesn't mean they're wasted.

gaelicsheep · 06/02/2010 23:26

I do wish that people didn't always buy clothes as presents. I'm grateful obviously, and we have rarely had things that are offensive, but we went through a phase of having so many that I never got to choose anything for my DS. It felt really extravagant to get him anything else.

That sounds really mean and ungrateful actually, but I don't intend it to be. I just don't understand why presents for little uns are almost always clothes.

In response to the OP, I've never actually taken anything back. They all get worn at some point.

SecretSlattern · 06/02/2010 23:52

TottWriter. Sorry I have to disagree. I do see it as a waste of perfectly good clothing which could be used elsewhere for people really in need of it.

I also disagree with the idea that most crayons, paints etc wash out of clothes. My DCs have all manner of creative stuff and unless I'm doing the washing wrong, it doesn't come out completely. Why not just invest in an apron to keep clothes clean, or just take clothes off (obv if you're indoors rather than out and about!) and donate the tops to someone who would get a decent use out of them?

I would be annoyed if I thought a gift I had spent my time choosing and my money buying was being used for messy play. I just don't see it as a decent enough excuse.

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