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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my stepdaughter should be pleased she has a job!

54 replies

Cuddlybunnymummy · 06/02/2010 10:53

Am so cross with stepdaughter! (19) When I married dh I had my own business. My daughters have worked with me since leaving school and of course I offered sd the same. The job requires working evenings - that's the nature of the business. Now today she's mentioned to me that she wants to go to a gig tonight. She was scheduled to work, I'm dog tired and my girls (who would normally fill in) are also going out. So Iabu to think she should just do the job she's paid for!

OP posts:
stitch · 06/02/2010 10:58

sshe shold do the job she is paid for

purpleduck · 06/02/2010 10:59

Is this going to be one of those drip feeding threads?

A 19 year old wanting to go to a gig on a saturday night is hardly freakish behaviour. I would let her go this time, but explain that next time she needs to give you more notice, or arrange cover herself

cory · 06/02/2010 10:59

She should do the job she is paid for or get the sack. But it is just possible that it would be better for her to work for some stranger. Did she really want to come into the family business?

MrsC2010 · 06/02/2010 11:01

Just say no, sorry, too short notice. That you require 2 wks notice of a 'shift change' (or however long is standard) so that cover can be arranged.

Or, if it doesn't bother you apart from on principle and you don't NEED anyone tonight, let her go but dock her money.

Personally I'd go for the hardline option, but I can be a meanie when it comes to work as I have always had to work my socks off!

Besides, who only finds out about these things on the day?

Uriel · 06/02/2010 11:01

What disciplinary measures do you have in place?

ToccataAndFudge · 06/02/2010 11:01

well I guess whether you're being unreasonable depends on whether either you, or you DD's should also have been working.........

Intergalactic · 06/02/2010 11:05

Do you employ other people who are not family, too? If so, I would treat this the same way you would treat it with them. A few hours isn't enough notice for a night off - either she should work, or if she doesn't she'll get a written warning (or whatever the procedure is). She needs to learn that you can't just fit work around your social life - when you're in paid employment you need to think ahead and sort out your priorities.

TBH, after DH worked for a business where his sister was a partner/his manager, I would always advise people not to work with family. It is impossible to keep the working relationships separate from existing family dynamics and this leads to no end of problems.

Original poster
Cuddlybunnymummy · 06/02/2010 11:31

I asked her to work in the kitchens tonight (restaurant) when my girls said they wanted the night off. She wasn't scheduled to work but I do expect her to pitch in. She's paid, has a roof over head - she should be grateful! She didn't say she wouldn't but she obviously had no intention of doing so because I've just had a call from her mum's best friend (mum is dead or doubtless she would have been on the phone too!) saying sd should be able to go out, she's been looking forward to this and mum's friend had taken her shopping and bought her a new outfit and shoes to wear. I knew none of this and frankly I don't think it makes any odds. I'm not working, neither are my girls and she should!

I don't agree families can't work together. My girls never have a cross word with me but my sd is a pain in the backside!

Tbh I think she's doing it on purpose - she wanted to do some airy-fairy thing when she left school. Too princess like for real work (dh has spoilt her since mum died) but I put my foot down and said we had a perfectly good business for her to work in and we weren't paying out money for her training etc.

OP posts:
HellBent · 06/02/2010 11:34

Just read last post YABU!

tinierclanger · 06/02/2010 11:35

YABU

NoahAndTheWhale · 06/02/2010 11:38

Started off thinking YANBU but after your last post YABU

HellBent · 06/02/2010 11:38

Your Ds mentioned they wanted a night off so you asked SD if she could work and she said no as she has a gig she is going to? I think you should give her more notice if you want her to do overtime!

LollipopViolet · 06/02/2010 11:38

I was going to say YANBU but after reading this

"Tbh I think she's doing it on purpose - she wanted to do some airy-fairy thing when she left school. Too princess like for real work (dh has spoilt her since mum died) but I put my foot down and said we had a perfectly good business for her to work in and we weren't paying out money for her training etc."

I'm going to say YABU. If she wanted to train in another area that's her decision and should be! You can't force her to work for you, she probably dislikes the job, wants to do something else and can't! Let her re-train if she wants to, it wouldn't have cost you anything for her to do a-levels but now she's 19 she will have to pay.

Acinonyx · 06/02/2010 11:39

Are you trying out a modern retelling of Cinderella for feedback?

bran · 06/02/2010 11:40

Your last post was unreasonable. Children do not have to be grateful for a room over their head.

You say that she didn't say that she wouldn't do it, from that I infer that she also didn't say that she definitely would.

Oh, bollox, I just got the joke. Does your DSD have very small feet and an unusally talented godmother?

Carry on.

ToccataAndFudge · 06/02/2010 11:40

ahhh - so my gut reaction was correct........

YABU

RumourOfAHurricane · 06/02/2010 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

memoo · 06/02/2010 11:41

You are the most unreasonable person I have seen on here for a long time.

RumourOfAHurricane · 06/02/2010 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tinierclanger · 06/02/2010 11:42

d'oh!

Original poster
Cuddlybunnymummy · 06/02/2010 11:43

There is no way I'm slaving away so that madam can go prat about. I would literally be taking money out of my daughter's pockets if I did that!

I just don't get it - she's an adult, I allow her to live in my home and work in my business - she SHOULD do what I ask! Wouldn't you feel obligated?

I just can't bear how spoilt she is - dh and I are going to be having words (again) about this.

I'm really livid about the buying clothes expedition too. She doesn't need more clothes. She already has more than my girls and I bet she's bought something totally impractical and fly-away. Grrrh!

OP posts:
memoo · 06/02/2010 11:43

Infact the words "bitch", "nasty" and "Troll" spring to mind but not neccesarily(sp?) in that order

cakeywakey · 06/02/2010 11:43

You wouldn't support her to train for a job/career that she wanted to do because you thought that it was 'airy-fairy' and had a perfectly good business for her to work in?

And then you expected her to work a shift that she wasn't meant to because your daughters wanted the night off?

She should have spoken up at that point to say that she already had something planned, but YABVU. IS she meant to work for you forever, even if her heart isn't in it?

memoo · 06/02/2010 11:44

I have never ever said this to anyone on here before but, fuck off!!!

coldtits · 06/02/2010 11:45

Oh very good, I was taken in for a while there.