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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to poke dh through the night for snoring?

47 replies

issysmilkbottle · 06/02/2010 08:44

dh thinks i'm a mean bitch, chipping away at him because i keep poking him etc for snoring through the night!

We currently share the room with dd (11 weeks) and so i cant just wear ear plugs plus at times its so loud its hard to settle dd when she wakes for a feed... Its sad but i am starting to look forward to the weekly night shift as its a quiet night in bed and sometimes lie here just wishing he'd go and sleep on the sofa!

He says i snore too and i prob do as i am asthmatic and have allergic rhinitis but i use sprays and take meds as and when i can and sleep with 4 pillows to keep my nose clear and dont mind being woken if i snore, i tell him to do that...

I've suggested he sees the gp/uses something but he wont.... What can i do? Should i just put up with it? It is very loud and non stop at times and doesnt matter if on back or side but is worse on back.... Aibu?

OP posts:
peggotty · 06/02/2010 08:51

Apparently I snore and I know that my DH has to shake me to stop it (but he also has insomnia, not a good combination with my snoring!). My snoring tends to come and go. I am a little bit overweight which I don't think helps snoring - I've bought those strips for my nose but haven't tried them yet.

I don't think your dh is being fair especially since your dd is also in the room with you. Have you got a spare room you can move into for a bit? That may get the message through to him. Or you could record his snoring and let him hear it!?

teaandcakeplease · 06/02/2010 08:54

YANBU in my opinion, I used to ask my hubby to turn over when snoring, as it always happened on his back.

Would he try those strips you put on your nose maybe?

When my son was in our room I was often the same. I also am now such a light sleeper after 2 and a half years and 2 kids that I literally wake at every noise now, since children. It's almost like my motherly brain is finely tuned to all noises, in case it's the kids. And you cannot put ear plugs in, if you need to hear the baby. Although I have been known in the past to put my ear plugs in and ask my hubby to wake me if he hears kids if I'm really really tired and need a good nights kip. Just sometimes, as it's not fair all the time, as he was working full time and I wasn't. You may even hear your babies cry through the ear plugs, if they're in the same room?

These suggestions only avoid arguments over him going to the docs, but if things don't improve, I hope he comes round to seeing the GP x

Original poster
issysmilkbottle · 06/02/2010 08:59

we dont have a spare room unfortunately otherwise dd and i would go in there....

I've tried recording him and he said i was a freak for doing so... Don't think he'd wear the nose strips... Is there anything i could do/give him by stealth? Lol...

OP posts:
peggotty · 06/02/2010 09:02

He sounds like he's being really obstructive about it - will anything really work if he's being such a git?!

teaandcakeplease · 06/02/2010 09:24

Make him sleep on the sofa in lounge LOL

imgonnaliveforever · 06/02/2010 09:25

YANBU. I do this all the time.

jendaisy · 06/02/2010 09:56

YANBU. I don't poke my partner, I kick him and growl instead. Then in the morning he has a go at me for kicking him all night. But I need to sleep! Thankfully he has taken to sleeping in the spare room recently, I am prengnant and I NEED to sleep or I am like a bear with a sore head, I have our 2 dogs to cuddle instead, a little unconventional but it works for me! LOL.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/02/2010 10:06

He's being a bit of a twat tbh.

DH snores and he uses a throat spray and nose strips which do help quite a bit, but I still prod him and kick him out into the spare room if it's stopping me sleeping.

DH's view is that he is snoring because he's overweight atm - so while he's losing the weight and until he does he has to do what he can to help me get a decent night's sleep.

Show him this thread - he actually isn't being a very good husband the way he's behaving, especially as you have such a young baby.

minxofmancunia · 06/02/2010 10:13

yanbu, I have this exact same problem coupled with a sleep disorder of my own. ANY noise wakes me up. Dh is refusing to go to the gp. I can now only sleep when I'm in the bed on my own and have to regularly kick dh out to the futon in ds (19 weeks) room.

It was terrible last night as he'd had 4 pints of lager which makes it loads worse. Selfish git am v this morning.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 06/02/2010 10:16

YANBU, why would he not want to stop if it is disturbing you? Why woudl he not try nose strips?

Dh snores, I just kick him or push him and he turns over. If it because terrible, I know he would sleep on the sofa temporarily until it was sorted.

Your DH sounds like a nobber

Bumperlicious · 06/02/2010 15:07

Why won't he use the nose strips. They are essentially just bits of plaster. DH and I both use them, DH because he snores me because I get a blocked up nose. They just lift your nostrils up a bit.

I think he is being unreasonable. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and I am evil when I don't get enough. DH is very considerate of this.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/02/2010 15:24

Don't put up with it. Record him snoring, maybe he will take note then. You cannot let him sit in his denial.

Also sleeping on sofas is not recommended at all as it would give the person sleeping there back problems.

Make an appt for him to visit the GP and make your man go along there with you. Make him face up properly to this problem. It ought to be medically investigated further.

ClaraJo · 06/02/2010 15:28

I have had to move DDs into the same bedroom so that I can have DD2's single bed. DP is an insomniac so once I have started snoring that's it for the night as far as he is concerned. We have had rows to the brink of separation about it, to the extent that I have had surgery, but it still hasn't helped

I sleep better now that I am not being kicked all night/sworn at, but it's not great, having to sleep on my own. But that's how it's got to be forever now. I feel sorry for my DDs, because they've always had their own rooms till now (teens).

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 06/02/2010 15:38

I poke, elbow and kick depending on time of night, volume of snoring and duration. Luckily DH rarely remembers in the morning. Those nose strips aren't fantastic but they can help a little and your DH is being VERY unreasonable by not trying them out.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 06/02/2010 19:34

The trick I was taught and which works a dream and which your DH can't complain about is just to blow a kiss to them when they start snoring, making that little kissy noise with your lips. It is just enough noise to stir them from deep sleep and stop the snoring. Try it - it really works!

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 06/02/2010 20:51

Well I'm not sure about the others but when I'm woken at 3am by DH snoring I don't want to make kissy noises I want to poke him in the ribs, preferbly with something sharp like an elbow.

WingedVictory · 06/02/2010 21:37

I spoon round DH and stroke his arm/thigh/wherever, which has the same effect as WorkingItOutAsIGo's tip about the kiss. I don't know whether it wakes him, but it does seem to work.

P.S. Hello, WorkingItOutAsIGo, have you been to any more online parties?!

Ponymum · 06/02/2010 21:49

YANBU - I do this all the time. To be fair I start with just a little touch to see if that's enough to stop it, but I have been known to escalate to violent shoving when needed. He doesn't notice. But at least he actually believes me when I tell him how bad it is in the morning, and has tried to do something about it. He has been to the GP, and had ENT checked at the hospital but he's a slightly odd case as he snores on his side. What made a really big difference was losing some weight and drinking less at night. Now he only really snores when he has a cold. DD is 17 mths old and in the next bedroom, so I wear earplugs now if I really need to - if she cries HE will hear it and get up, and I can roll over and get some proper sleep. It's only fair!

Paolosgirl · 06/02/2010 21:54

I used to be driven to doing this to DH, until he went to the GP, was referred to the sleep clinic and is now on a machine for his apnoea. If you've never slept with a snorer - and by that I mean one who snores so loudly that the bed shakes, and he can be heard outside - then you've really no idea how miserable it is. Blowing a kiss wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference - he couldn't hear a thing over the noise of his snoring!

If he won't go to the GP though, then YANBU at all - he is!

Ponymum · 06/02/2010 23:29

MrP once snored so loudly that it woke up DD who was sleeping in the next bedroom.
(for him)

BexieID · 06/02/2010 23:38

I have same prob with DP and have 6 week old but I still wear ear plugs

mathanxiety · 06/02/2010 23:49

Tape it? And make him listen. I don't think YABU at all to be seriously annoyed by this. You have enough to do trying to feed a baby at night and get through your day afterwards without being woken or kept awake by a grown adult who doesn't seem to 'get it' that you need sleep, as much as you can get of it.

Or wake him with something loud occasionally so he can see how it feels to be woken inexpectedly every night.

If it's bad, he should go and see his GP, because sleep apnea can cause serious problems.

I also found that ear plugs didn't stop me from hearing babies crying (it's a different sort of sound), but allowed me to only hear a little of the snoring and relax enough to get back to sleep after feedings.

elliedodger · 06/02/2010 23:55

YANBU. I spend half the night prodding my DP to get him to shut up. His snoring is at its worst when he sleeps on his back, which he does by default, so I'm continually rolling him over. He never remembers in the morning.

displayuntilbestbefore · 06/02/2010 23:57

YANBU
I find that if I time an elbow in the ribs during the first inhalation crescendo of the snore, it disturbs dh just enough to stop snoring and roll over onto his side

ChunkyPickle · 07/02/2010 00:03

Mine does the full on 3 phase snoring (snuffle, try to breath, try to breath, take in a huge sucking breath then snort it out) but he's very good - I only have to touch his arm and quietly suggest that he rolls over and he does.

Hmmmmm.. what else could I use my controlling powers for!